Forgotten-Children
Well-known member
Let me first start by saying that I'm Athiest. I used to be a Catholic but stopped believing after a good friend of mine left without a word. At the time I felt like I said something to make him leave, or even worse, kill himself because I knew he was Bi-Polar. After a year when he left, my depression left an enormous scar on my heart to remember what had happened, and I'll be honest, I feel like I'm much more of a colder person than I used to be.
Because of what happened, I felt betrayed by God.. I just asked for ONE thing in my entire life and that was just for a sign to know if my friend was OK.. But I never got that sign.. So, I pretty much came to the conclusion "Either God doesn't exist, or doesn't give a sh*t about me".
Since then, I just went about my life going by science for my beliefs; where there is actual proof that I could see right infront of my eyes.
I never had to worry about people judging me for my religion because no one knew about it until I met my boyfriend (No one in my family with the exception of my sister knows I'm Athiest). However.... This has raised an issue between us that I think will never be solved unless I manage to just give in and believe in something, not nessasarily God, but something other than just not believing at all. My boyfriend is Christian and is trying to get me into believing in God again because he wants me to actually be gratful for the things I have and I can't be if I have no one to be grateful to, apparently.
My boyfriend, being as brutally honest as he is because he doesn't like to sugar coat things, he says that it was my own fault for "Fighting the tide" instead of "Flowing" with it when I was living my life. He says I have such a morbid way of looking at things (which, I admit, I think I do), that it's no wonder I'm miserable because I didn't change what was going on in my life. I just basically accepted that I was a loser and was never going to be happy in my school years because I was picked on by nearly EVERYONE. Even some of the teachers treated me badly because they expected better of me.
Not only that, but when I was growing up, I REFUSED to do anything hygenic because I felt like it was a waste of time if nobody would like me anyway. Not just with being clean but even when I was starting to develop as a woman, I HAAATED to be asked to wear a bra. I remember back at YWCA, one of the leaders there forced me to go back home and put on a bra and I took that very offensivly like you wouldn't believe.
I mean, I'm better at these things now but I'm no where NEAR girly.
What I'm trying to say is that, my boyfriend wants me to get back into a religion, not for the sake of being religious, but just to be grateful to something or someone who could be considered "The big man" so that I may actually be happy for once because a lot of worry can be lifted off my shoulders with hope. Be it God, a dragon, a goddess, Mother Nature, or Earth itself.
But I just don't know if I could ever be in a religion again because I was SO hurt after my last one that it did leave a scar on me... And I'm not saying that my life is what I also care about in this situation but I always hated the fact that this world is just so cruel that all the bad people have good things happen to them just because let's just say they're the jocks and preps of the world, where all the good people have bad things happen to them and they're the nerds and goths...
James, though, says there're no good people in the world because we all do wrong. Which is true but there're better people in this world than others. Say like one guy gives to the poor while the other steals from banks. Who's the better person there?
All in all, I guess I just need advice to what I should do because I know if I don't change then this'll be a BIG issue in our relationship but on the same token, I'll be hurting inside A LOT because of memories from my past...
Because of what happened, I felt betrayed by God.. I just asked for ONE thing in my entire life and that was just for a sign to know if my friend was OK.. But I never got that sign.. So, I pretty much came to the conclusion "Either God doesn't exist, or doesn't give a sh*t about me".
Since then, I just went about my life going by science for my beliefs; where there is actual proof that I could see right infront of my eyes.
I never had to worry about people judging me for my religion because no one knew about it until I met my boyfriend (No one in my family with the exception of my sister knows I'm Athiest). However.... This has raised an issue between us that I think will never be solved unless I manage to just give in and believe in something, not nessasarily God, but something other than just not believing at all. My boyfriend is Christian and is trying to get me into believing in God again because he wants me to actually be gratful for the things I have and I can't be if I have no one to be grateful to, apparently.
My boyfriend, being as brutally honest as he is because he doesn't like to sugar coat things, he says that it was my own fault for "Fighting the tide" instead of "Flowing" with it when I was living my life. He says I have such a morbid way of looking at things (which, I admit, I think I do), that it's no wonder I'm miserable because I didn't change what was going on in my life. I just basically accepted that I was a loser and was never going to be happy in my school years because I was picked on by nearly EVERYONE. Even some of the teachers treated me badly because they expected better of me.
Not only that, but when I was growing up, I REFUSED to do anything hygenic because I felt like it was a waste of time if nobody would like me anyway. Not just with being clean but even when I was starting to develop as a woman, I HAAATED to be asked to wear a bra. I remember back at YWCA, one of the leaders there forced me to go back home and put on a bra and I took that very offensivly like you wouldn't believe.
I mean, I'm better at these things now but I'm no where NEAR girly.
What I'm trying to say is that, my boyfriend wants me to get back into a religion, not for the sake of being religious, but just to be grateful to something or someone who could be considered "The big man" so that I may actually be happy for once because a lot of worry can be lifted off my shoulders with hope. Be it God, a dragon, a goddess, Mother Nature, or Earth itself.
But I just don't know if I could ever be in a religion again because I was SO hurt after my last one that it did leave a scar on me... And I'm not saying that my life is what I also care about in this situation but I always hated the fact that this world is just so cruel that all the bad people have good things happen to them just because let's just say they're the jocks and preps of the world, where all the good people have bad things happen to them and they're the nerds and goths...
James, though, says there're no good people in the world because we all do wrong. Which is true but there're better people in this world than others. Say like one guy gives to the poor while the other steals from banks. Who's the better person there?
All in all, I guess I just need advice to what I should do because I know if I don't change then this'll be a BIG issue in our relationship but on the same token, I'll be hurting inside A LOT because of memories from my past...