What do you do in a relationship with someone who has a different religion?

[Forgotten-Children]

Let me first start by saying that I'm Athiest. I used to be a Catholic but stopped believing after a good friend of mine left without a word. At the time I felt like I said something to make him leave, or even worse, kill himself because I knew he was Bi-Polar. After a year when he left, my depression left an enormous scar on my heart to remember what had happened, and I'll be honest, I feel like I'm much more of a colder person than I used to be.

Because of what happened, I felt betrayed by God.. I just asked for ONE thing in my entire life and that was just for a sign to know if my friend was OK.. But I never got that sign.. So, I pretty much came to the conclusion "Either God doesn't exist, or doesn't give a sh*t about me".

Since then, I just went about my life going by science for my beliefs; where there is actual proof that I could see right infront of my eyes.

I never had to worry about people judging me for my religion because no one knew about it until I met my boyfriend (No one in my family with the exception of my sister knows I'm Athiest). However.... This has raised an issue between us that I think will never be solved unless I manage to just give in and believe in something, not nessasarily God, but something other than just not believing at all. My boyfriend is Christian and is trying to get me into believing in God again because he wants me to actually be gratful for the things I have and I can't be if I have no one to be grateful to, apparently.

My boyfriend, being as brutally honest as he is because he doesn't like to sugar coat things, he says that it was my own fault for "Fighting the tide" instead of "Flowing" with it when I was living my life. He says I have such a morbid way of looking at things (which, I admit, I think I do), that it's no wonder I'm miserable because I didn't change what was going on in my life. I just basically accepted that I was a loser and was never going to be happy in my school years because I was picked on by nearly EVERYONE. Even some of the teachers treated me badly because they expected better of me.

Not only that, but when I was growing up, I REFUSED to do anything hygenic because I felt like it was a waste of time if nobody would like me anyway. Not just with being clean but even when I was starting to develop as a woman, I HAAATED to be asked to wear a bra. I remember back at YWCA, one of the leaders there forced me to go back home and put on a bra and I took that very offensivly like you wouldn't believe.

I mean, I'm better at these things now but I'm no where NEAR girly.

What I'm trying to say is that, my boyfriend wants me to get back into a religion, not for the sake of being religious, but just to be grateful to something or someone who could be considered "The big man" so that I may actually be happy for once because a lot of worry can be lifted off my shoulders with hope. Be it God, a dragon, a goddess, Mother Nature, or Earth itself.

But I just don't know if I could ever be in a religion again because I was SO hurt after my last one that it did leave a scar on me... And I'm not saying that my life is what I also care about in this situation but I always hated the fact that this world is just so cruel that all the bad people have good things happen to them just because let's just say they're the jocks and preps of the world, where all the good people have bad things happen to them and they're the nerds and goths...

James, though, says there're no good people in the world because we all do wrong. Which is true but there're better people in this world than others. Say like one guy gives to the poor while the other steals from banks. Who's the better person there?

All in all, I guess I just need advice to what I should do because I know if I don't change then this'll be a BIG issue in our relationship but on the same token, I'll be hurting inside A LOT because of memories from my past...

 

[Kingdave]

well...im a christian. and ive been through alot, and i mean its crazy because alot of stuff pertains to religion if your are a christian, but you have no reason to leave your religion i mean yeh your friend took their life but whos choice was that, it sounds cruel but you cant blame yourself. all you can do is wonder why they didnt come to you before they did so, why they didnt seek help before doing so. ummm yeh, god is good. for yu ur family ur health and making the right/ positive decisions, dont make yourself a bad person........because quite frankly you dont want to be one. when it comes down to it you cant blame yourself for your freinds decision and you can take it as a learning experience and you can help other people who mite be in a similar situation as your friend was or are depressed or are goin through some things.....but you. yeh you stay positive because you have no reason not to. the world is crazy doesnt mean you have to be. enjoy life be happy focus on the good not the bad...........

 

[kihira]

This is something that you must decide as an individual and not be influenced by what other people want or think.

 

[Forgotten-Children]

well...im a christian. and ive been through alot, and i mean its crazy because alot of stuff pertains to religion if your are a christian, but you have no reason to leave your religion i mean yeh your friend took their life but whos choice was that, it sounds cruel but you cant blame yourself. all you can do is wonder why they didnt come to you before they did so, why they didnt seek help before doing so. ummm yeh, god is good. for yu ur family ur health and making the right/ positive decisions, dont make yourself a bad person........because quite frankly you dont want to be one. when it comes down to it you cant blame yourself for your freinds decision and you can take it as a learning experience and you can help other people who mite be in a similar situation as your friend was or are depressed or are goin through some things.....but you. yeh you stay positive because you have no reason not to. the world is crazy doesnt mean you have to be. enjoy life be happy focus on the good not the bad...........

They actually left without saying anything. I don't know if they're alive or not, and to me, worrying about that is almost worse than to actually know a person is dead, because then I know they're gone for good.

And why they left, I think it was because of me..

I don't want to be a bad person, but it seems everyone around me treats me like one with the exception of my boyfriend and even he's stern at times whenever I do something wrong.

...Are you kidding me? "You have to stay positive because you have no reason not to"?! Hmm.... OK. Well I can think of a few good reasons to why I have every right to have negative feelings in life!

-I was treated like sh*t growing up.
-My mom only wants me around the house for my money
-My sister goes out and does stupid stuff and STEALS from me but I can't do anything about it.
-My boyfriend has a terminal illness and is dying!
-I have no real life friends because I never see the classmates that pitied me at school anymore.
-My younger brother only acknoledges my existance because I have a laptop that he borrows constantly!
-My favorite grandma, who treats me like her best friend, is also dying and she's even young. She's in her 60's.

The list could go on and on, but I don't want to start ranting. The point is, I don't think you have the right to tell me what I should feel. That's up to me. And I was hurt more than you would ever believe when I realised that no one was going to help me in that situation but myself, so I had to push myself out of that rut as a scar formed over that wound. Now I learned from my mistake. The only problem is that... The person I love more than the world... Is my boyfriend, and he believes in God and wants me to pray to something rather than just saying that nothing created this world, but we developed from the Big Bang.

Heh.. When we were talking before I just wanted to kind of joke around saying I'll pray to a meteor, but since this was a serious conversation, I kept my mouth shut.

This is something that you must decide as an individual and not be influenced by what other people want or think.

I suppose so... Still. I'd like to get other's opinion on the situation because I'm not that great with making my own decitions without screwing things up. If I were to pray to.. well... the meteor, I would just be humoring James. He said he would be OK if it started out that way, but I can't see myself actually changing.

I don't like change. I admit it. I mean.. I know there's change everywhere and everything does change, but change itself, but... The thing of it is, I'll be going back to the past and I know I'd feel even worse about religion if I finally do get back into it and then James dies right in front of my eyes on his death bed... Besides... If there was a heaven and a hell, I know James would end up in heaven... but me... I've become such a cold person and had a lot of dis-trust in people. I' ve lied more times than I can count, I mean... I would never EVER hurt a person intentionally not matter how much they hurt me because I don't really have the guts to.

But all things cinsidered, I'm going to hell either way, so that's another reason why I just don't want to bother unless to please him..

 

[Kingdave]

well i mean if you want to spend your life praying to meteorites then go ahead........i mean im not tryna force no religion on you its what you want that counts.......i mean think of this is you spend ur life praying to a meteorite and then say......just randomly the world ends up ending and the bible is actually real.......you would feel dum because you spent your whole life praying to meteorites instead offff say........making your life better. it seemed like your life just went down hill because someone moved.........i dunno. aside from religion. try to be positive. i mean you dont wanna worry yourself to death...........but yeh whatever condition james is in is not your fault im sure he will be okay, maybe so......i dont know. but yeh im sure god will forgive you....i mean thats the purpose.......repent and move on........your gonna drown in your sins? i dunno im not your pastor. your feeling bad about some simple things.......what about the good things that can happen...................1 year from now imagine how things could change for you, i mean you can always turn a bad situation into a good one......just always stay true and be honest with yourself. youd be better off if you didnt worry about friends because in this world your better off worrying about urself and your loved ones......then you can make friends freinds come from living life not from making or finding them. youll meet freinds..........i dunno, i dont want to feel like im pressuring you im just giving you some things to think about........work on building relationships with family maybe? talk to them? ask your brother why he always ask for your laptop.......why he doesnt have his own....from their you guys can talk.......ask your mom why she always wants your money..........from their yaw can talk but do it in a normal way.......so if anyone gets mad or blows up it wont be you. and then you can decide if its you or them who causes you these issues and move on or act accordingly.



im not saying fake believe in anything.........im saying even if u believe in a meteorite doesnt mean you have to let it effect your mood personality and positivity................you decide your interactions with those around you and you guys relationships...........i dunno. just get back into "you" noone lives forever its not your fault your grandmother is older...........my father is older he is in his sixties also and im 18.......wtf he had a stroke earlier this year and other health issues...........i mean........................take care of yourself help others or tell them to do the same move forward. stick to goals in your life..........watever watever...........i dunno..........but im just saying stuff.........and yeh i pray and hope nothing happens to my father.

but yeh i keep editing this and adding cuz yeh what you do in the end is up to you your life your decisions your stuff......waatever........but who cares if your friend moved it most definately probrably didnt have anything to do with you.........

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

As much as you have the RIGHT to feel negative and no one should tell you how you feel, I think what Kingdave was trying to say, is that it doesn't help anyone to be negative.

There may be reasons in your life to be sad, but there's no reason why it should make you feel cynical and negative. Having a negative outlook on things isn't going to solve anything and being negative and listing all the crappy things in your life isn't going to help you get better either. (not saying you don't have reasons to feel pain)

If you want to be negative, it's your choice.


Just fake believing in something. Fake it. Lie. Who cares if you really believe it or not? You are only going to do it for him, and if you are only doing it for someone else then your heart really isn't in it. You aren't going to be able to force yourself into believing something you don't believe. So there's not really much you can do except throw yourself into some religion again and just smile and nod.

 

[Dronee]

I'm not a Christian nor do I believe in the divinity of Jesus. But I believe in God and can understand that your boyfriend probably is just trying to help you in the way that he knows. Sorry if I've read the post wrong, but you mentioned that your boyfriend is dying of a terminal illness. People often find God or spirituality in those kind of times... And if they were believers in God at first, being in that kind of situation can intensify the conviction even further because they want to and need to have faith in something beyond themselves.


I'll not preach.. but the fact is that your boyfriend does believe. I'm just suggesting... Try seeing it from his point of view... He probably cares a lot about you... Even at this time of his own illness, he's trying in the way he knows to help you... even if you don't agree with his ways or think it's misguided, the love behind it is not. Try and concentrate on that... I personally think it's a wonderful thing to have someone else, especially someone who loves you romantically pray for you. It shows just how much they care for you.

I hope my post helped and isn't offensive.

 

[metaphor99]

Sometimes people get stern with others because they care so much about you, but they don't know how to help. When you really love someone and you worry, you almost get a little mad, not at the person, but the situation.

 

[userremoved]

I hate to be Mr. Negative here but one of you two are going to have to compromise if ya'll want this to work. I honestly don't see how an Atheist and a Christian can have a romance. Esecially if both of you guys are serious about what you believe. For one the Bible actually forbids getting involved with non-believers. Unless both of you guys are laid back and don't care whats what then I can see it becoming a big issue later on. I butt heads with my friend all the time because he's a hardline Christian and I'm Agnostic. The moment he starts preaching to me it turns into a fight, see where I'm getting at?

 

[Forgotten-Children]

@ Kingdave

I kinda meant praying to a meteor as a joke, but alright... -_-;

Well no, I don't want to worry, but it's gonna happen regardless. I have obsessive anxiety disorder so I constantly have "bad daydreams".

I know it isn't my fault, but it's painful to know that he has to be in pain all day. Like I said, Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to those that're good. That's just how this messed up world works... If we lived in a perfect world, he wouldn't have to suffer like that. NO ONE would have to suffer!

Yes, I admit, I have had good things happen to me but it takes like 10 good things to overshadow 1 negative thing because the negative memories tend to stick more than positive, atleast from what I've experienced.

Things are only going to change is if I get extremly lucky because right now, I'm stuck in a bottomless pit with no rope because I'm unemployed and have a huge debt to pay. My boyfriend lives in a completely different state than me so it would take a lot of money just to move down because he can't move up here because where would he go? He lives with his mom and step-dad at the moment, so it's better I move down with them once I get the money.

Pfft... Having a relationship with my family other than with my grandma seems near impossible now. Really the only ones who seem to conect now are my dad and brother together, but no one connects to me anymore because my sister went down the path of drugs and alcohol... Really the only actual contact with another human who seems to care would be my boyfriend. That's another reason why I need to move down there instead of living here because his family actually cares about me. I've even gotten into conversations with his mom before! (Oh, just a random note, his mom is a Wiccan)

I would hope my grandma would be fine as well as my boyfriend, but I think the whole "praying" concept was pointless before because it's just as effective as wishing on a star. The only reason I would fake beliving was to please him, but as far as beliving again, myself, that's never gonna happen.


@MsBuzzkillington

Well... Yeah it doesn't help, but I can't help but feel this way about this subject. I don't want to have to humor James, but if I don't he'll be disappointed.. I mean... I suppose I can attempt to just fake praying, but well... how shall I put this... I guess since that incident, I've basically been boycotting God? I dunno... I mean, I respect other people believing and all just because it makes them feel better, but I only feel hate whenever I think of God. I mean, if he is there, he's letting all these bad things going on. Not just with me, but the entire world! To fake being apart of someone who would let something like that happen seems idiotic unless you can actually see changes and have a reason for believing.

@Dronee

He tries to convince me that God exists because he's living proof of it. He should be dead by now because of his illness but he isn't. But really I think it's because he was so healthy before being diagnosed, because he showed his symptoms overnight.

I know he cares about me. We've been together for almost two years and he's been pretty much the first person I could ever fully open up to. I mean, before I met him, I probably wouldn't have been able to go into so much detail of my life to ask for help right now if he hadn't helped me with trying to express myself or get to talking better (even though this is more typing, but whatever. xD) And I didn't find your post offensive. I know you guys are all trying to be helpful, but this is just kind of a touchy subject with me. Sorry if I seem rude at all. I don't mean to be...

@metaphor99

Yeah, that's true.

@PipsMcClawski

Yeah I see that... James and I are true love birds until something like this comes up. I try to avoid the debate as much as possible, but he tends to be the one to bring it up. Obvious not because he doesn't like my but because he'd just rather see me beliving in something so I can be grateful for what I have. I mean, I feel like I'm grateful but then he always asks "Greatful to who"?

 

[Forgotten-Children]

It really hurts to say I'll actually try to talking to a so-called higher being... I just hope I don't have flashbacks to what happened before... And the only reason I'm, saying this is because he brought it up again..

Hopefully I won't be pissed at "Mother Nature" aswell...

 

[userremoved]

It really hurts to say I'll actually try to talking to a so-called higher being... I just hope I don't have flashbacks to what happened before... And the only reason I'm, saying this is because he brought it up again..

Hopefully I won't be pissed at "Mother Nature" aswell...

I say go for it. You might actually start to like it. Hell I know I'll pray to Jesus in a hot flash for the right woman lmao.

 

[Forgotten-Children]

I say go for it. You might actually start to like it. Hell I know I'll pray to Jesus in a hot flash for the right woman lmao.

I'm just hoping this won't open any old wounds because I already became semi-happy again with my life (I know I can never be as happy as I was when I was younger), but I don't want to be depressed for a long period of time again.

I guess I'll just have to see what happens..