What about our kids ?

[renegade]

I was wondering for the last couple of days now: what will the future hold for our children ?

Because as you know, this fuc*ing disorder id genetically inherited. So...that kinda raise a lot of worries in my head. And if our partner is SP too, that means that our kids will grow up in a enviroment that doesn't encouragesocialising with others, lviving into groups and all that.

Thay tend to immitate their parents, and that give me a whole new set of worries... :?

I wouldn't want my kid to live with the same disorder as me, cause i Know what she/he is going to face. So what is there to do ?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

i know it runs in my family b/c my grandma shows all the symptoms and my mom thinks she has it (grandma) and my mom herself is pretty shy.

pretty much the best we can do is spot it early, we certainly know the signs, and try and guide them the best we can to prevent early bad habits i guess :|
we can be supportive. it's all we can do

 

[brownbag]

our kids

yea i worry about that too if i were to have a kid/kids.

but then again, if u really want kids or already have kids, like chilling__echo mentioned..
best is to spot the traits early and correct them, i'm sure that'll work, plus get the help of perhaps doctors to assist in this process.

so there's what i got to throw in for this post

see ya'all mates

 

[Chilling__Echo]

love the signature brownbag

 

[brownbag]

Hah! thankee :wink:

 

[Meow]

I guess this is part of the reason I NEVER EVER want children.

 

[crazyfairyx]

I don't think all types of SA are inherited, I think it can be sometimes, but sometimes it is triggered by events. No-one in my family other than me has SA, or is even a tiny bit shy, they can all make friends easily, and have no trouble in any kinds of social situations, I used to be the same. I think cos I'm handling SA fairly well I would be able to help any children I have to be confident. I'm not sure I want to have kids though lol, so who knows.

 

[Maggot]

A lot of the inherited part can be explain by parents passing on the phobia through their actions to the kids.
[/quote]

Wouldn't that mean that SA is not inherited at all and that its what we learn or even sometimes do not learn from our parents?
From what i've seen here on this forum many people have blame issues with their parents, which makes me think that SA is not just a chemical imbalance of the brain. I think SA is a result of a twisted belief system which is developed while growing up. I think depression and agression issues are more of that chemical imbalance since people who have it can often not trace any connection to their parents actions (not saying everyone..obviously many cases are related to being abused).

For a long while i was on Meds. When i took them i didnt feel deperessed, yet the symptoms of SA that were not physical were still there and the only way to change that was to keep going to therapy to try to change my twisted beliefs, and to be exposed to things I am afraid of.

Oh yea...i forgot to say...im my opinion ..DO NOT HAVE KIDS...if you have not tried to deal with your SA at all..when i say deal with it i mean gone to therapy and have understood what its all about.. not everyone in this world should have children..

 

[Maggot]

When i said do not have kids i only ment...Do not have them if you know that you have issues and have not yet delt with them at all...i did not mean people should stop having kids completely...i just think that alot of problems in the world would be solved if people did not rush into parenthood and would first examine if they are worthy of being one.

 

[Quixote]

Kids? mhh that requires a wife I suppose. Or at least a girlfriend. Which requires a social life in turn.

One thing at a time please


P.S. I don't think SP is genetically inherited, it looks more like cultural inheritance

 

[Septor]

Well having kids would require a relationship with a women so I don't have to worry about having kids. :?

I don't see any problems with some one with sp having children.A lot of problem arise from parents not or refusing to see the warning sound of sp at a young age.Who else would understand sp better then someone that has or had sp.As long as its address at a young enough age it should not be a problem.

Thats assuming that they will have sp.Although I think in some cases sp genetical.It does not decide if you have sp but can make you predispose to it.Given the right circumstance though that can be easily overcome with the right parenting.I guess it come down to being a good parents in the end.

I do agree with Maggot that you should address your own problem and at least get some help before you start thinking about making kids.If you still have major issues you should not be having kids.

 

[Vincent]

Id say it must be more environmental than genetic.

My Mum is pretty timid and generally worried. My Dad very opinated and tends to lecture rather than converse. I didn't grow up with my parents having alot of parties or a rich social life. They didn't show much affection either. I had no sisters. They got two different exchange students in an attempt to bring me out of my shell. A German intellectual guy two years older when I was sixteen. Then a Japanese girl my age the next year. I lusted after the latter, in turn she looked through me, when her eyes were my way.

Ive read about environmental learning too. Also, aside from the indirect knowledge from exposure. My parents taught me nothing of drugs, sex, relationships, parties, friendships and so on. My Mum was scared of people altogether, my dad pursued non masculine and non team sports. Not being taught about rugby or cricket by your dad in NZ is a major handicap growing up. If you aren't into those sports its hard to fit in.

Im concerned about having kids have to go through what I have. I know that just being aware of SA in a way that my parents weren't isn't enough. I need to change. It does get harder as you get older. The gulf grows and your ways become more set. I think a major trip through South East Asia will change me permanently. Something like six months backpacking around India and Indo China. I won't become a father for another ten years probably, so I hope to be a very different person by then. At least, rid of most of all the fear and limitations without losing the sensitivity and understanding that comes with it.

Its a cycle, goes around. There are others like drug abuse, violence and social skills. The Offspring sing about it in Down the Line from Ixnay on the Hombre I think. Check it out. Anyone had a life changing experience backpacking?

Thanks.
Vincent.

 

[turtlegirl]

As far as having SA & kids go, I'd be too worried my kids would look down on me just like most other people do...

Anyway, it's hard to justify having kids if you aren't happy with yourself and the world.

 

[JCR]

kids

i hav a 14month old son & it does concern me that he mite also end up with SA, i inherited it from my mothers side. i can only look for the signs & symptoms as he grows up & do wateva i can 2 prevent it.

 

[OnlyDream]

Yeah Kids,

I have always wanted to become a parent. I would become the parent my parents never were. I would be essentially, a perfect parent. But I was born with most of my problems. What if my children are born like this. I would hate to have myself as my child. Ahhhhhh. God that would suck.

 

[Waybuloo]

I am mother to a happy, inquisitive, confident 8 months old baby girl and she is not the least phased by any social attention that come her way. Of course, you pessimists would say, she is only young and it'll be a matter of time the tell tale signs creep up. My belief is that SA is primarily due to conditioning in the home, especially in early childhood. Things like abuse, over protectiveness and Abandonment, can provide the catalysts to turn certain traits like perfectionism and introversion into full blown social anxiety, esp if no one tries to change the situation whilst they are growing up.

Both my (SA) partner and I have had bad childhoods, and I have a pretty good idea of why I went wrong, such as my mother leaving me with relatives because she wants a better life overseas, and my indulgence in antisocial behaviour when I was a kid. My Dad is also a bit timid and shy but being told that he is weak and 'bad' surely played a part in conditioning his brain into thinking that is all he is.

I have met people who are shy and quiet but they don't have SA, so maybe they are people with the genetic potential to be SA who grew up with a good foundation.

My partner has kids who turned out social, and he's also met polar opposite identical twins, one of which is very outgoing and the other introverted and bullied.

I've sought psychatric and theraputic help since I was 17, and at the rate it's going i'll probably be cured when i'm 80. If I want to have kids when i'm problem free I should start saving for IVF.

 

[Waybuloo]

As far as having SA & kids go, I'd be too worried my kids would look down on me just like most other people do...

Anyway, it's hard to justify having kids if you aren't happy with yourself and the world.

That's actually pretty much what my Dad thought. He'd say to me 'do you despise me, I know I am incompetent'. I wouldn't have felt sorry for him if he hadn't said that to me.

Just because you don't have SA it doesn't mean you are happy, in fact who is happy? What is happy? I think people who are understanding of mental disorders make for better parents than those who aren't. I'm more concerned with people who can't stop making babies into a world of alcoholism, drug use and crime. On the other hand we are all gonna end up in doom, humanity is a disease on mother Earth, so what's another miserable soul to walk the earth for a few measley pleasures anyway

 

[shyguymi]

If i had a kid my concern would be if they DIDN'T have SA reason being it would be difficult for me to see them do the things I never had the guts to do as a kid/teenager.

Sometimes I think I would be better off raising a puppy and a kitten and calling them my "kids".

 

[Felgen]

If I don't do the same mistakes my parents did, my kids (if I'll ever have kids, that is) will be less likely to develop anxiety.

 

[Emily_G]

Because as you know, this fuc*ing disorder id genetically inherited. So...that kinda raise a lot of worries in my head. And if our partner is SP too, that means that our kids will grow up in a enviroment that doesn't encouragesocialising with others, lviving into groups and all that.

Stuttering is genetic in my family, but I have nooo idea what the chances are for me passing it down. I figure with all the things that could be wrong, I'll be thankful if stuttering is the worst problem they have.