what a horrible night i just had...

[cola junky]

what a horrible night i just had: a friend of mine from university invited me to a birthday party of one of his friends. i didn't know any one there and he didn't knew any one too (except he's friend who had the bday).

although my friend didn't know any one there he had no problem fitting in and talk freely with every one while i just froze, i couldn't speak...

it was the first time my freind saw me like that and at night's end he kept asking me what's wrong? why didn't i say any thing?

i just couldn't tell him the truth about my condition, it makes me feel ashamed and weak and uncomfortable so i just gave him a lame excuse....

i hate this curse! i see all of my friends talking to strangers easily , hitting on women every where and i just freeze.....

any way just wanted to get a little steam off.....wanted to know what do u guys think and how do u cope with problems like this....

 

[Feathers]

umm, maybe stay away from cola?

soda pop can decrease level of vitamins and minerals and can actually make things worse...
phosphoric acid decreases magnesium etc.

or at least up on magnesium rich food beforehand?

I try to drink non-alcoholic and non-sweet beverages at parties... and to eat enough beforehand.. dancing and talking to friends is easier for me than talking to strangers too and then when we're all dancing and it's great music, it's easier to talk to people etc too...

You were brave to even go to a party!!

Talking to strangers and women are learnable skills... some people learnt them from family/relatives or friends, some more easily, some may need more time and inclination/effort to learn...
There's lots of info online and in books, videos etc.
It may be easier to talk to known women/girls or non-strangers first... or in non-party contexts... it's also easier if you know a few people there...

You're going to uni and you have friends! You're way better off than some other people here on this forum!!

It was very awkward at parties at first for me too, later on it improved... If you go to the same place/s for a while, you start to recognize people and nod and it can be easier to talk too..

 

[Nanita]

Sorry to hear about your bad experience at the party.
I don´t think I can give any advice right now, but I can tell u that I´ve had that kind of experience sooooooooooooooo many times.
People around me being outgoing, just having a good time, and probably having AN EASY LIFE in general.
Me being completely nervous, quiet, depressed, desperate, not fitting in anywhere.

 

[Newtype]

I know how you felt. I didn't always have SA. Before I turned 13, I was actually a talkative person, I made friends with everybody and everybody liked me. Some years ago, there was some sort of reunion/party of all the people who are my age and went to elementary skool together. During that night at the party, I didn't engage in a conversation with anyone. Everyone was laughing, talking loudly, having fun and I just sat on a chair and looked at them. It was weird because all the people there hadn't seen me for like a decade, but they all remembered me and loved me. They didn't know that I was like this now. They talked to me and looked at me like I was the old me, but that person is just gone... Actually, there was one girl who came up to me and we started talking, but after a few sentences, my brain just froze and I couldn't say a word anymore. She left in an awkward way.

So yeah, I don't really know what to tell you to make you feel better. I like to think that I won't be like that anymore if I gain confidence by accomplishing things, but so far that has only worked a little.

 

[cola junky]

thanx 4 the support u guys....

feathers: actually i'm on rehab from cola right now and i'm starting to eat healthier

u r right: i'm better off than some ppl in this forum but still.... it sucks: the fear just

freezes me and i feel paralyzed...i want to get rid of this problem but i feel i just can't..

nanita: i feel that alot: i also have a friend who want's me to go with him to pick up

women in bars and be his wing man, he just talks with them fluently while i just sits

there silently not knowing where to bury myself...i just hate this problem, i want to be

able to talk to strangers and pick up women at parties or pubs...

newtype: it's very interesting: i'm just like u- i 2 wasn't born with social phobia. i

was normal most of my life. this curse just snuck up on me. i dont know how or why

but at age 20 i found myself in this situation. the worst thing is i dont think i can love or

care for any one new that i meet from now on: i dont consider my uni friends as

friends but as acquaintances because i just don't feel as comfortable around them as

with my friends from before i had sa. i try to look on the bright side: at least i had a

wonderful childhood and i do have some ppl i consider as my closest friends and i'm

not completely alone....

 

[Bittersweet]

You asked how people cope with this.

I have a few ways that have worked for me. I ask questions. People like to talk about themselves. It takes away the pressure to be clever or witty. People really appreciate someone who is genuinely interested in getting to know them.

Also, if eye contact is an issue, watch their lips as they speak. It's not too noticeable and it may help with the nerves.

 

[cola junky]

good advice Bittersweet, ill keep it in minde....

 

[Vampayah88]

I drink smth before going somewhere. im much more outgoing when tipsy/drunk.

 

[Nanita]

nanita: i feel that alot: i also have a friend who want's me to go with him to pick up

women in bars and be his wing man, he just talks with them fluently while i just sits

there silently not knowing where to bury myself...i just hate this problem, i want to be

able to talk to strangers and pick up women at parties or pubs...

Yeah... I know what u mean. I would also like to be able to talk to strangers and pick up boys at parties or pubs.......
I sometimes get dragged into a bar by my friend who likes to sit there and be approached by boys/men, and likes having me as her wing-man/woman.

I usually turn into a negative creep efter sitting there for a couple of minutes, feeling that I don´t belong, feeling insecure. And then if someone approaches me, I don´t know how to small-talk or even be polite, and I hear myself saying something stupid and arrogant.