Well, this is me...

[Munchkin007]

My mom had me when she was 16 and I decided to live with my grandparents and still do to this day. I've always been a quiet girl since the day I was born. Sometimes so quiet my grandparents forget I'm there. I've always had a difficult time keeping friendships. To me, friendships seems like a huge hassle to me, you have to keep up with them, hang out, talk. I don't have the proper tools to have a simple conversation with anyone and it frustrates me to no end. I can't look into people's eyes. There's just something about it.
I have been taking depression meds since i was 7 years old. Then from 8th grade till 11th I started to cut myself. To me it was more of a punishment than a release. After that, they diagnosed me as Bipolar. Well, their diagnosis didn't make anything else better and I thought I was just really crazy. Anxiety keeps me hostage from the things I enjoy or want to try out. The only way to keep the anxiety under control is to pop a pill when I freak out, which is every day, but I hate the feeling of being doped up.
Even though there's no such thing as normal, to us who have the similar disorders like me, wonders how "normal" feels. Without that foggy feeling, that nervous feeling that wants you home all the time, I wanna know how it feels to not obsess about every little minuscule thing in life...::

 

[fitftw]

Welcome to SPW, Munchkin. You'll fit in with us. I also can't look people in the eye, and also find my peers to be a hassle to deal with. I much prefer internet socializing...

How long have you been on anxiety pills? I think I'm better without them, but I was on 7 or 8 different pills from the age of 14 to 21 (not all at the same time). At that point I decided I didn't want to think that I had to rely on pills to feel normal. I'd much rather not be normal than be something I'm not. Scratch that, what is normal? We're all basically the same.

If you want to know how it feels to not obsess, you would want to know how it feels TO obsess. Does that make sense?

Grass is not greener on the other side. Be happy with who you are, and make the most of it. I take it you don't live in NYC, right? That's not the best place for someone with social problems lol.

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello Munchkin,

Welcome by SPW. I want know too how is feeling with out obsess on small things must be great. I think everyone wish this here from whole heart. I ask me anytimes is there escape from be trapped with those extreme emotions? I hope u will feel here support and u find here some good advice out also. Here is lots great people. Take care.

 

[forksandspoons]

Welcome munchkin, you're in a good place.

I haven't looked anyone in the eyes in years, I know the feeling. If you don't mind my asking, what type of anxiety pills were you taking? My doctor wants me to start taking a pill whenever I become overcome with anxiety. He said it mellows you out immediately, xanax I think? Im hesitant to do so. Did it generally calm you down? Do you really get "doped up" and feel it?

 

[Yes We Can]

Hey Munchkin, welcome aboard. Glad to have you join us, and yeah, you'll fit right in around here. Hope you enjoy the forum, good luck.

 

[just wanna b normal]

actually i dont know the answer but i know how you feel! i wish i could help you but im stuck on the same boat!

 

[Spike Lee]

welcome!!!

 

[Munchkin007]

Thanks guys. I actually feel like I belong somewhere without being judged. My grandma, aunt, mother, and sister take medicine for our depression. What a family, eh? I do go see a therapist once a week and she's amazing. She said I've been doing great trying to figure things out myself on how to deal with things, and I have to give myself credit for it but I don't feel like I deserve it. I take Clonozepam for my anxiety. I don't get THAT doped up, just VERY tired and it shuts up the voices that goes inside of my head so I can think clearly. For maintenance, I use to take Prozac when I was 7, Serotonin, Lithium, Lexapro, and some other ones I can't remember. But now I'm taking Effexor XR. I have THE worst side effects. Migraines, throwing up, constipation and all the works, but I'm not so sure if it's working. I hate how I feel like a zombie day after day, and everything around seems like it's in slow motion. I feel so lethargic, and I have a very hard time remembering things. I feel so stuck. There's an on-going battle inside me I have to endure with every day, I don't think there will ever be a day that it will end.

 

[Falkor]

Welcome Munchkin,
I hope you have a great time here. I think lots of people can relate to your post, we understand what ur going through, As forksandspoons said, You're in a good place, enjoy !!

Xx Flowery

 

[fitftw]

Get off the Effexor. I was on that garbage years ago. Ugh. UGH...

I was also on Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and a bunch of others I can't remember, along with some ADHD stuff like Adderall, Provigil, etc...

I remember Effexor made me feel like a zombie. I think all those meds have longterm effects as well. Just not good...

And there will be a day that it comes to an end, so take solace in that. Lethargy sucks, I've been trying to get myself to clean my room for the past 2 weeks and all I do is sit around...

 

[Ignace]

Welcome here.

 

[Felgen]

Welcome to SPW!

 

[Phoenixx]

Welcome Munchkin I think you'll really like it here.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.