Violent thoughts my confession

[dannyboy65]

Its getting worse and worse by day. Every night I have nightmares, last night I had a dream, there were dead people everywhere. Blood was all over the walls, bodies were mutilated, I looked down at my hands and they were bloody, in my hand was a knife.

What the hell is wrong with me I don't want to hurt anybody;yet, I have all of these violent dreams. To make it worse I will be sitting down at school then suddenly the voices will start screaming and I will have flying visions of knives, corpses, just dark gruesome stuff.

I don't want to hurt anyone, I'm scared of myself.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

You have to tell this to a professional therapist. They're trained in these matters and they will decide what your next step should be. The one having the problems obviously is not the one in position to make that kind of call.

If it turns out to be a relatively easy fix, then that's a good thing and nothing to be embarrassed over. If it turns out to be a larger issue, then they will help you through it. Either way, you'd be doing the right, responsible thing.

Having a disorder doesn't make you a bad person, a bad person wouldn't be twisted in knots over this like you are.

Please talk to someone.

 

[kihira]

Yes, do see someone about this ASAP. It must be very distressing for you to have these violent thoughts and dreams, but try to see them as disordered thinking rather than a reflection of yourself, I'm sure you're a good person, you're experiencing a bad episode that is only temporary.

 

[Hellhound]

You have to tell this to a professional therapist. They're trained in these matters and they will decide what your next step should be.

I keep telling this user to see his doctor and they never do :/

I guess it's easier to rant than looking for an actual solution.

 

[MikeyC]

I keep telling this user to see his doctor and they never do :/

I guess it's easier to rant than looking for an actual solution.

Bingo.

Dannyboy, for crying out loud, get help. You post so many threads that you hardly ever reply to, and then post more threads about needing help about your schizophrenia, to which people reply, then you ignore them and start a new thread. I don't think this forum is adequately prepared to help you with it, and you don't seem to want help, I don't think, only to vent. See a professional. Don't just say you're going to do it, either. Actually do it.

That was likely a waste of keystrokes because you won't even reply to this, either.

 

[dannyboy65]

I'm sorry guys if you want to know the truth the doctor I was given isn't worth it he picks on me and where I live we don't have many doctors

 

[Hellhound]

Go to a different one. I'm sure he's not the only doctor.

 

[dannyboy65]

Go to a different one. I'm sure he's not the only doctor.

I wish it was that simple, its not though where I live we have a bad problem with health care. My last one told me ways to kill myself.

 

[Hellhound]

I wish it was that simple, its not though where I live we have a bad problem with health care. My last one told me ways to kill myself.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. If that was the case, he would have gotten in major legal trouble.

No, it's not simple, but how come you don't persist? If your symptoms are this bad, of course.

 

[dannyboy65]

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. If that was the case, he would have gotten in major legal trouble.

No, it's not simple, but how come you don't persist? If your symptoms are this bad, of course.

I phrased that wrong sorry, well I told him how I wanted to kill myself and my plan and he told me that what I was going to do could do it. I'm sorry for phrasing it wrong, I'm not really thinking straight.

 

[Hellhound]

You didn't answer yet. How come you didn't persist looking for a doctor? So far, you mentioned two. I'm pretty sure there's more than two docs where you live.

 

[dannyboy65]

You didn't answer yet. How come you didn't persist looking for a doctor? So far, you mentioned two. I'm pretty sure there's more than two docs where you live.

Well another one told me I had the devil inside of me and another would only spend five minutes with me then go to her next client. I am telling the truth, and for me not replying by the way, I know its rude and all. I do read them and I know I'm stupid for not going to a doctor. Its just look at it in my shoes please I have autism and paranoid schizophrenia. It takes me a lot just to talk to someone and doing all of this scares me, being put on the spot feeling targeted. Yes I know I sound stupid its just hard and I'm sorry to anyone I disrespected. I don't want to hurt anyone by not replying and I feel terrible. Like I've been feeling like crap for a month or so now because my pills are wearing off, and today I finally had the guts to tell my life coach. I was even scared to tell him because I feel like a freak.

 

[Hellhound]

Its just look at it in my shoes please I have autism and paranoid schizophrenia.

Not a crutch.

Well another one told me I had the devil inside of me

Again, he would have gotten in legal trouble for doing that to his patients. If not you, anybody else would have reported it.

It takes me a lot just to talk to someone and doing all of this scares me, being put on the spot feeling targeted.

That's understandable, but in the end, it will be worth it.

Like I've been feeling like crap for a month or so now because my pills are wearing off

More reasons to go to the doctor as soon as possible.

 

[planetweirdo]

Like I've been feeling like crap for a month or so now because my pills are wearing off, and today I finally had the guts to tell my life coach. I was even scared to tell him because I feel like a freak.

Maybe its time for you to try a different medication, or maybe a higher dosage of the medication that you have been taking. do you have a doctor that prescribes your medication? ( is there an requirement that you must have doctor to be prescribed medication in Canada?) If so I think you should go and tell him/her about the problems that you are having.

you should not feel like you are a freak. having a mental illness doesn't make you a freak. it just makes you a unique person that sometimes needs help. and there isn't anything wrong with that. you must go out there and get the help that you need.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Well another one told me I had the devil inside of me and another would only spend five minutes with me then go to her next client. I am telling the truth, and for me not replying by the way, I know its rude and all. I do read them and I know I'm stupid for not going to a doctor. Its just look at it in my shoes please I have autism and paranoid schizophrenia. It takes me a lot just to talk to someone and doing all of this scares me, being put on the spot feeling targeted. Yes I know I sound stupid its just hard and I'm sorry to anyone I disrespected. I don't want to hurt anyone by not replying and I feel terrible. Like I've been feeling like crap for a month or so now because my pills are wearing off, and today I finally had the guts to tell my life coach. I was even scared to tell him because I feel like a freak.

Hey, Dannyboy! I'm so glad that you told your life coach. I think stress has cause this schizophrenic episode. You should voluntarily check yourself into a mental health clinic. You need to get some rest. Please get help. Don't try to fight this on your own.

You are really a strong person to bear so many heavy burdens. Please don't be ashamed. It's not your fault.

 

[Gieky]

I don't know what to say or do for your situation, but I hope you can get the help you seek. You shouldn't have to be plagued with nightmares.

 

[theslowesthand]

You shouldn't have to be plagued with nightmares

I'm quite sure that violent nightmares are due to mental/emotional unrest in your daily life (eg frustrations)