very bad ocd week

[dixiegirl]

we have such an elaborate pattern of thinking and read into things more than a non-sufferer

This is very true, whether it relates to intelligence or not, I don't know, but it definitely gets to the point where my excessive "reading into things" pulls me away from the much more simplified reality around me. It's like there's two of me--one that's in touch with reality and one that's not...the latter tends to take over the former.

...not sure if I'm making sense...

 

[ocdkindofguy]

Hehe dixie girl, I think that is common! It happens to me too! Sometimes like I am feeling like wierd, like I think: I'm so out of my center, bla bla bla, and my mind is running around... But then I talk and I look totally okay, totally normal! It doesn't affect my behaviour as much as I think, just my "illogical" mind. My logical part of the brain is intact. It's possibly because it's a different area of your brain that is targeted , I can't explain it, but you'll sort of understand it after seeing the phillipson video, it makes sence.

About the paralysing effect I have, or used to have, I still do, but in a lesser degree, The dr phillipson video sure as heck helped me... I loved the part where he suggests the attitude: "OCD Come and get me!" "Make my life as worse as you can!" that's the atitude of people who really really want to improve, if I understood correctly. He says that ignoring your toughts makes them weaker, which is something that is supported by zen books I read. He makes it crystal clear in my opinion, and I haven't even finished looking at the video yet. The toughts are like your "kids", you are the father, you make them and control them, if you stop giving them attention, they will make a tantrum and whine a lot worse, but eventually they will tire out.... That's his point I think. I think I agree.

Anyways OCD is totally the intelligent people disorder LOL. It's not a nice disorder to have, but the treatment seems cool, because I've been trying to ignore my toughts (A little different from yours, I seem to have some resposability OCD thing), and it works with everything, OCD and non OCD. (For example the ignoring your feelings also make them weaker, it's good training not only for ocd, but for example when your sister is nagging you). So it may even help us in other areas too... I remind myself to be brave, hope you also need the support, be brave!! It can only weaken if you don't suport it anymore... Give it a go sometimes, everyone needs to look at the philipson video in my opinion. We'll get the hang of it and get over this in NO TIME, no matter how stupid\hard\wierd it is. Lots of people have it, it can't be THAT (bad thing here).

 

[dixiegirl]

Dixie anytime you have a qustion just feel free to ask i have been through it all..lol Dixie i could tell you some of mine and you wouldnt even believe them plus i wouldnt want to give you any ideas..you gotta watch those type things! But i have been through everyone of the common and some really bizzare ones too!

Hi Barry, with the HIV/AIDS fear, have you ever inquired from past significant others if they are without the virus? I am very tempted right now to ask for some reassurance.

 

[durda_dan]

just get a check, they are usualy free in any clinic. i got a test 2ce. i am not afraid of hiv or aids i am more afraid of herpes, meaning having oral sex needs to be a 100% clean environment. like no cold sores on my lips because they will spread to her when i kiss. means i need to look at her lips meaning she might feel awkward. i double tripple quadrupel check, and then i am still not sure about it.
which is strange, i love oral sex it feels fantastic, but i am afraid of it....

 

[dixiegirl]

Ok, why'd you have to bring up herpes? That is how my hiv/aids obsession actually started. I ABSOLUTELY convinced myself I had herpes, despite the fact that test results proved otherwise along with the fact that I never was actually symptomatic. My mind quickly became focused on hiv/aids because well for one, it's deadly. I really hate getting tested; that's more torture than the obsession itself. IDK what to do...

 

[violentvalentine]

Dixiegirl, I know exactly how u feel. I have very bad ocd with STD. I always think I have it or that I am going to get an STD. I have been in a relationship for 11 years and I dont cheat but I think I am going get a STD somehow..I know its weird

 

[dixiegirl]

I'm totally stressing about this now. I don't even know of any real risk, but I'm still freaking out. Stupid OCD. Guess I'll be getting tested again. ::

 

[getbornagain]

Dixie every time you get tested you reinforce it's power. Assuming by now you can recognize an intrusive thought.... realize that intrusive thoughts are always followed by intrusive feelings. Just like in real life, thoughts are followed by feelings. What you think and feel as a result of your OCD is fake. Your concern is fake, and you must learn to let the thoughts and feelings pass. Realize it won't go away over night, be patient. Don't keep getting tested.

 

[dixiegirl]

Dixie it is not you its OCD just keep telling yourself that. I know what its like not being able to breath, sweating and constant pacing back and forth....it is horrible but it will pass. And with OCD even getting tested is not god enough!

Also go out and buy the book Brain Lock. It will help some!

Thanks for the encouragement!

I just bought the book...haven't cracked it open yet...now is probably the right time to!

 

[dixiegirl]

Don't keep getting tested.

But I'll never know for sure and this will keep eating away at me. I can probably push the obsession off for a while but it will inevitably return. Maybe I should try to get back to HOCD...oh who am I kidding, that was the absolute worst torture. Stupid, stupid OCD.

 

[dixiegirl]

This HIV/AIDS obsession keeps coming back. Not a single day goes by where I don't think about it. I can't get tested for a few months; it takes 6 months from for it to show up on the test. I feel so miserable. I keep thinking if I have it, what's the point, my life is over anyway.

I know that I have pretty much no chance of having it, but the remote possibility is all I can focus on. It's not likely, but it's possible, so that's all I think about. This absolutely sucks.

I also know I'm going to have a panic attack when I get tested. Last time I got tested, I became convinced the needle was contaminated. My mind is so warped by this disorder.

IDK what to do ::

 

[dixiegirl]

Classic Dixie i am the same way. I remember back when i was getting put on meds they would have to take blood and things and i did not trust them that the needle was clean.

It's so nice to know I'm not the only one. I cried after getting tested. I was so upset. I don't want to go through that again, but I don't know any other way to calm this obsession. It will just keep coming back. At least when I got tested, I had something on paper I could look at saying that I'm fine (even though I questioned it and getting tested made my OCD worse, it was still better than nothing).

What meds were you on? Did they help? I'm really trying to avoid medication.

 

[TKDBB2009]

Hey, I am having a very bad OCD month....

I am struggling with Pure-O and fears that I have hurt someone and will go to jail. I am having a lot of trouble focussing on "normal" life. I see that many of you are having the same fears and anxiety.

I was wonedring what things I can do to help work through this latest bout.

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

If your not seeing a psycologist already..do so immediatly...or a psychiatrist for meds..
Just remember, just because you actually think these things YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON! Your probably a good person but one thats just sick. Its not you!! Its the sickness, OCD!! These are things you must tell yourself. Ive been there, been through it, and got through it. You can too!
Hope all works out.

 

[Natey1112]

Well like i said no offense but this type of OCD it quite common for those of us who have OCD. Its just most of the people who have this type of OCD are ashamed to talk about it to anyone.

I have had OCD for 10 years but i didnt have this type until about 6 months ago when i read a story online about some dude who had commited violent acts and it triggered it for me and this one is by FARRRRRR the worst type of OCD i have ever dealt with!

Its ok a lot of people just do not know this is a type of OCD because not a lot of people talk about ya know?

very true, it got triggered for the exact same thing for me....

 

[TKDBB2009]

If your not seeing a psycologist already..do so immediatly...or a psychiatrist for meds..
Just remember, just because you actually think these things YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON! Your probably a good person but one thats just sick. Its not you!! Its the sickness, OCD!! These are things you must tell yourself. Ive been there, been through it, and got through it. You can too!
Hope all works out.

Thanks. Yes, I am seeing a doc now. I have been deeling with OCD for about 20 years. This latest variation of the "pure-o" dealing with hurting others just seems to be the hardest to deal with to date. This is probably because I am a very caring, peaceful person. Anyhow, thanks for the encouragement.

 

[kittypants]

hi durda dan
i have ocd and intrusive thoughts too. you have to keep people's responses in perspective. they have no idea what you are experiencing. i dont know if yours are like mine, but my intrusive thoughts feel like they are being suggested externally. i dont believe that they are but i know that they thoughts arent my typical thoughts. some of my earliest memories are of intrusive thoughts. the earliest i remember was being on the highway with my mother and seeing the car door open and see myself roll out of the car over and over. i must have been about 4 years old. no 4 year old kid wants to see themselves killed on the side of the highway repeatedly.
i would never ever do any of the intrusive suggestions, and i'm sure that you wouldn't either. that's why the thoughts are so awful and torturing. they go against your grain.
ive been taking risperdal and that has taken the edge off some of my compulsions, and well as my social anxiety. i have less intrusive thoughts but they aren't totally gone yet.
hope youre feeling better

 

[Natey1112]

Thanks. Yes, I am seeing a doc now. I have been deeling with OCD for about 20 years. This latest variation of the "pure-o" dealing with hurting others just seems to be the hardest to deal with to date. This is probably because I am a very caring, peaceful person. Anyhow, thanks for the encouragement.

same, i love my three cat's as much as my human family, and the thoughts of squeezing them, kicking or squishing them, send me into a tear filled frenzy.. i absolutely HATE it..

 

[LockieKermit]

If it makes you feel any better I've been going through my own private little hel aswell. I will be honest and say that I dont think my OCD is as bad, however it fluctuates.... (spelling)

Like barry posted earliar, Mine started when watching Dexter, I was terrorfied of turning into him and being a murderer. It came and went, and now its stuck with me, its scary, not nice and horrible.

You dont have to feel the anxiety all the time, so dont feel ashamed or guilty if you get a horrible thought but dont feel anything. Have a chat with me sometime with this new chatting system...