very bad ocd week

[durda_dan]

this week has almost been all intrusive thoughts. it's awful i was on the bus again and i got the same thoughts, i don't think it is possible for me to sit on a bus normally anymore.
infact i can't do most things normally, i was taking a poo the other day and i don't know if you have cats, but they are often intrigued as to what you are doing sitting on the toilet. and my cat king came to my legs and laid down, and i got an intrusive thought to stomp his stomach to make his inards squish out.
i never actually finished my poo, i just cleaned up and walked out of the bathroom. wake up with my girlfriend and i often check she is alive before i go on with my day, the other day i saw her sleeping and the blanket wasn't covering her neck and i got a thought to slit her throat. i was on a motor cycle today (a taxi in shanghai) and i got intrusive thought/urges to lean and either tilt the bike and kill us both. or to jump off onto the road killing only myself.
urges to snap necks of people in front of me.
urges to steal, i was in the shopping mall and i didn't make a purchase but i was afraid to go out of teh no purchase aile because i wasn't sure if i did or didn't steal anything when i was in the store.
every time i close my eyes i have intrusive images before i go to sleep. in my dreams i am normal again, dreaming is my only refuge, but dreams are so short and i have one a night, but i am awake and suffering much more than i am sleeping.

mainly i have a question for you.

do you get anxiety for every intrusive thought you get? i have had so many in the past day and i feel guilty but not anxiety, i bite my nails to hell, in fact my nails and skin around my nails often bleed. i crack my neck a lot to get a nice stabalizing feeling, i always tell myself NO when i get a thought, But other than that i can't feel anything else...
whats wrong with me. ...

 

[durda_dan]

why can't a get a hold of my anxiety? where did it go?

 

[FOR REAL]

ok fair enough, im sorry

 

[JCS008]

hang in there dan. i'm trying some exposure therapy right now for my case of ocd. it's only been a short while and very frustrating, but it's for the best. gl with things. just try to let it pass.

 

[getbornagain]

Something I have done recently is: 1) Quit drinking 2) Started taking Omega 3 supplements (supports reasoning and brain function) 3) and have been getting more rest. I have had one of the best weeks in recent memory since I started doing this.

Really try and get healthy, put only good things into your body. You will probably notice a difference.

 

[JCS008]

I guess my list for OCD would be this:

The need for everything to be perfect
All my possessions have to be in perfect order and arranged symmetrically
The need to make lists or items I own, goals I want to accomplish, and various other things
Counting and staring at things until they feel just right.
Having things in even numbers or in multiples of 5.
Counting when performing certain tasks
feeling uneasy when my things are moved by someone else
the need to own certain items, even if I don't need them so much
constantly checking things. making sure they're perfectly neat

i can't stand it. i'm trying to expose myself to this, but i just feel so uneasy. i'm definitely missing more of my problems, but i won't go into that much of a detail.

 

[JCS008]

Not so much really. Just have big issues with perfectionism and having things organized.

I guess what I have is somewhat common for OCD sufferes, but I don't have a fear of germs and any intrusive thoughts that are too extreme.

I mean I get weird thoughts from time to time, but I think most people get that. And just by having OCD, I already have times of paranoia (like everyone around me, even strangers know I have OCD), insecurity and depression.

 

[durda_dan]

let me get this right here!
first of all is this a fkn joke?
does your gf know you were thinking about this!!
im glad i dont stay in fkn shanghai incase you chop me up with yer sushi knifes!!

i might be a nutter, but im a harmless nutter

you need fkn locked up my son (throw away the key)

this post really hurt my feelings. if berry didn't make a comment about this, i probably would have never come back to social phobia world.
it's not like i ever hurt anybody or want to. it's so ****ing difficult dealing with this problem without people being rude.

berry, reading what you read made me feel quite normal. because i infact had almost all of the same intrusive thoughts you had, going to jail, killing, forcing sexual acts of strangers. stealing or even mutilating myself.

 

[Danfalc]

this post really hurt my feelings. if berry didn't make a comment about this, i probably would have never come back to social phobia world.
it's not like i ever hurt anybody or want to. it's so ****ing difficult dealing with this problem without people being rude.

Hey Dan,I'm glad you didn't leave just because of one person who didn't really understand what they were talking about.

Anyone on this site who knows you or a little about OCD,knows you would never act on your thoughts,I mean there called intrusive for a reason.Anyway I hope you start feeling better soon bud.

 

[randomguy19]

Just "Pure O" thoughts bro, nothing more. I've had the same exact experience, and still do from time to time. I found what helps best with OCD is to understand that it truly isn't as bad as it seems. When you have a bad thought, let it go. Accept that it's nothing more than a thought. Eventually, when you give these thoughts less power, they will stop.

 

[Dudley]

Yeah, I had a "perfect storm" of OCD this weekend. My mom and my brother both had a HUGE number of people over for a party. The downstairs, the garage, the backyard, the kitchen, and the bathroom were trashed, almost giving me a panic attack when I saw them (mostly because I know if I don't clean them, they won't ever get cleaned).

Everyone was loud and obnoxious, making sleep next to impossible, the people were basically strangers in my house, and my brother completely re-arranged the garage (moving all my stuff into a corner where I couldn't even get at it). Well, the intrusive thoughts came on almost immediately (usually when I'm behind someone, I can't stop thinking about hurting them and it scares the hell out of me), along with constantly checking that the cats didn't get outside (people ALWAYS leave doors open during a party at my house). I pretty much locked myself in my room for two days because I didn't even want to try and deal with anything. On top of everything, I'm going to be moving into an apartment with 5 people I've never met next month (responsible for some anxiety, I'm sure).

I don't know if the OCD planets aligned or something, but this week(end) just wasn't good at all.

Don't know if this helped at all, but I figured I would share

 

[JCS008]

I think as long as you're able to make some progress, it's Ok. I mean, I think msot of us didn't develop our OCD conditions overnight, but rather it was something that just built up over time. Well, at least that's how it was for me. I think I always showed signs of it when I was younger, but when there was a major changing point in my life (graduating from college and not k nowing what I wanted to do with my life) my OCD became full blown.

Now to help myself, I'm trying to take this one day at a time. Slowly making progress by overcoming specific traits. I guess it's like a backwards effect. Kind of like what I did to quit smoking.

 

[dixiegirl]

Fear of death
Fear of Aids/Hiv
Fear of heart disease
Fear of going to prison
Fear Killing/Attacking someone
Fear of stealing
Fear of breaking in on someone
Fear of all sorts of sexual things (i dont care to go into detail)
Fear of purposly running over someone with my car

How did you (or have you) gotten through the HIV/AIDS obsession? That one tends to come and go with me, but it always comes back and always worse than before. I tend to be more fearful that I will unknowingly pass it on to someone. I've even been tested (negative), but still can't get past it. Any tips?

I've had most of your other obsessions too...nice to know I'm not alone ::

 

[dixiegirl]

Thanks for replying. I just recently went though the sexual intrusive thought battle myself (lasted about a year or so), but now I finally feel that I have pretty good control of it...so the AIDS one came back. I guess I'll just have to deal with it until my mind comes up with something worse!

...thank you...

 

[JCS008]

So what is the recommened treatment for intrusive thoughts? Medication? or Exposure therapy?

 

[Lace]

Wow, It's nice to hear others confess the same things I've been feeling. This week has been one of the worst I've had in a long time too. I have these thoughts often:

Fear of death
Fear of someone trying to hurt me
Fear my house will burn down with my dogs inside
Fear I have cancer
Fear of heart disease
I feel like I have to control every situation so something terrible won't happen
I will make a plan in my head for what my "plan of action" will be IF something bad were to happen. I live in WHAT IF'S. (ie:What will I do if someone breaks into my house while I'm asleep....
I'm scared of so many things and I'm tired of living my life in fear and always holding myself back from things that could be fun. I'm constantly worried, everything is dangerous, I know this isn't the way I should be thinking but I can't stop it. Sometimes it's really bad and sometimes not bad at all. I've been to counseling, I've been on anti-anxiety/depression meds (which I hate taking-too many side effects) I'm only 24 years old and I feel I shouldn't have these problems. Can anyone make a suggestion to anything new I could try? Herbal supplements? I need some help and a friend told me I should look for support in forums. Thanks in advance to anyone with advise.

 

[dixiegirl]

I haven't taken medication, but exposure is helpful.

For Pure-O, I think the thing that has helped me most is educating myself; understanding spikes, anxiety, ruminating, etc. by reading lots of books, forums, articles--pretty much anything I can get my hands on! The more I know, the easier it is to understand my mind and can better deal with current obsessions and possibly predict/prevent future ones.

This doesn't mean that I don't struggle with it. Some of my obsessions have taken years to fully process and finally get over...and sometimes I relapse. But eventually I think my mind just gets to the point where it gives up. Not that I give into the obsession and act on it, but I finally just get sick of worrying and stop letting it affect me day in and day out. So time helps too.

What does everyone else do?

 

[JCS008]

I'm just doing exposure therapy. I understand it won't end overnight, but I guess small progress is better than staying put and feeling like my life is on a treadmill, going no where.

 

[dixiegirl]

Yes, definitely don't rush yourself. Like I mentioned it just takes time. I think OCD people tend to be really sharp people but we don't realize that sometimes it takes time for our brain to truly absorb and understand things.

 

[JCS008]

Well, according to a some articles and portions of books I read, most people who suffer from OCD are extremely intelligent individuals since we have such an elaborate pattern of thinking and read into things more than a non-sufferer. I don't know if that's true or not, but I guess its somewhat of a silver linning for us.