Unrequited Love ....

[theoutsidergirl]

Met a guy online a month ago with whom I wanted to just spend some time with sight seeing. I've already got a boyfriend, but don't really love him anymore though, because we don't have sex life and he's not that talkative etc. , which I also told my new aquaintance.

We've met 5 times so far and we hold hands, are tender to one another, hug each other and kiss each other etc. He takes me out and lets me stay at his place. Now I've fallen in love with the guy. Yesterday, as we went to meet in a nice restaurant and I told him that I have feelings for him and he said that he doesn't. He said that it takes time for him to fall in love... I was pretty dissappointed and sad. He said it would be mean if he had lied and said that he did, which is true.

The whole time we were together I thought he was making indications that he has feelings for me...Now my feelings are dimed down and I no longer feel all to much for him. I just hate the thought of being played with and the trust is cracked...

Do some guys need a lot of time to fall in love? Are all those tender touches and going out a sign that he is taking me seriously, but just wasn't enough to fall in love jet?

 

[Opaline]

Do some guys need a lot of time to fall in love? Are all those tender touches and going out a sign that he is taking me seriously, but just wasn't enough to fall in love jet?

I would say no.

It may take time for a guy to fall in love, but it usually doesn't take time for them to become attracted to you; either they are or they aren't. And being attracted to you would mean he has feelings for you, so the fact that he said he doesn't have feelings for you is a red flag.

What I don't understand is why he was spending so much time with you and holding your hand, only to say that he isn't attracted to you? Maybe he just wants a girlfriend? I know that sounds harsh to hear, but that is odd behavior on his part.

 

[megalon]

Not to be judgmental but isn't it kind of hypocritical to worry that someone is playing with your feelings while you're seeing someone else behind your boyfriend's back?

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Not to be judgmental but isn't it kind of hypocritical to worry that someone is playing with your feelings while you're seeing someone else behind your boyfriend's back?

Seriously. And talking about trust being cracked. mg:

being attracted to you would mean he has feelings for you

I disagree, depending on what you mean. I've been attracted to plenty of women without developing deeper feelings for them, and for me developing depth of feelings takes time. Hell, it takes me at least a year to decide if I really even like someone as a friend in a serious way.

 

[Remus]

I disagree, depending on what you mean. I've been attracted to plenty of women without developing deeper feelings for them, and for me developing depth of feelings takes time. Hell, it takes me at least a year to decide if I really even like someone as a friend in a serious way.

Yeah and us fella know that we have two brains :thumbup:

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

You need to break up with your current boyfriend and find someone more compatible. This guy doesn't respect the sanctity of a relationship (do you?) and is probably just looking for sex.

 

[MikeyC]

We've met 5 times so far and we hold hands, are tender to one another, hug each other and kiss each other etc. He takes me out and lets me stay at his place ... I told him that I have feelings for him and he said that he doesn't.

This makes no sense. Why would he be affectionate to you all the time, then come out and say he has no feelings? Was it all for your benefit? I doubt that very strongly. Maybe he's shy to admit, but you broke that ice for him. I don't get this one bit.

I just hate the thought of being played with and the trust is cracked...

No offence, but you've cheated on your boyfriend, even if you don't love him. That trust he has for you will forever be cracked now.

I do think you have to dump your boyfriend, and very soon. If he's untalkative and there's no sex life, it's not enough to keep it going, so it's best to get rid of him.

It may take time for a guy to fall in love, but it usually doesn't take time for them to become attracted to you; either they are or they aren't.

I disagree. I've had to let feelings develop over time in many cases. I wasn't initially attracted to Fiona at first, either. Some guys can tell immediately, but sometimes it's not that obvious.

 

[Opaline]

I disagree, depending on what you mean. I've been attracted to plenty of women without developing deeper feelings for them, and for me developing depth of feelings takes time. Hell, it takes me at least a year to decide if I really even like someone as a friend in a serious way.

I disagree. I've had to let feelings develop over time in many cases. I wasn't initially attracted to Fiona at first, either. Some guys can tell immediately, but sometimes it's not that obvious.

What I meant by having feelings for someone was simply feelings of attraction. And I don't mean just physical attraction. I think I confused a man being physically attracted to a woman right away with liking her overall (looks + personality). I suppose that's true, that it might take time to like someone completely, but I was under the impression that PHYSICALLY at the very least, most men know right away. I've heard that many times.

I also somehow managed to overlook the fact that the OP is cheating on her boyfriend. Um... oops. Yeah, not a good thing.

 

[MikeyC]

What I meant by having feelings for someone was simply feelings of attraction. And I don't mean just physical attraction. I think I confused a man being physically attracted to a woman right away with liking her overall (looks + personality). I suppose that's true, that it might take time to like someone completely, but I was under the impression that PHYSICALLY at the very least, most men know right away. I've heard that many times.

I guess we would know right away if we like a girl purely based on looks, but to like her wholly, a good personality is definitely necessary.