Uh-oh. Made plans but don't want to go!

Smurfette

Well-known member
My work Christmas party is coming up and somehow a couple people convinced me to go. Depending on my SA levels I might have a good time or I might regret this. Where do I sit? With who? What do we talk about? So many undetermined factors. It's easier to sit at home and watch t.v. but I know that's not good for me...::(:
 
My work Christmas party is coming up and somehow a couple people convinced me to go. Depending on my SA levels I might have a good time or I might regret this. Where do I sit? With who? What do we talk about? So many undetermined factors. It's easier to sit at home and watch t.v. but I know that's not good for me...::(:

I hate work xmas parties. My work ones are ok, short and others are happy to do most of the talking, but I dread going to my partner's work functions. They are not my type of people and they go forever. I cope with a bit of planning - sit with the best of a bad lot; pre-think a number of things to yak about; wear comfortable clothes;plan to get up and go for a walk if it all takes too long; have a plan for leaving
 

Smurfette

Well-known member
I agree with an escape plan. Always. I can have one conversation with someone and things go great and then have the same conversation with someone else and...what's this? I hear crickets. Everyone is different and I never know what I'm going to get.
 

Aussie_Lad

Well-known member
I find work xmas parties are good for two things:

1) Picking up that lady / man you have had your eye on all year.
2) Sucking up to the boss / management to get your foot in the door for higher positions.

That is why I am not going to mine this year, because I am not interested in either of the above.
 

Fighter86

Well-known member
My social skills are not exactly adapt, I did go to one Christmas party for work last year, it was quite uncomfortable, I am generally not good at idle chit chat, work functions are bad ideas.
 

just wanna b normal

Well-known member
you should go just came from my nephews party yesterday & tho i failed to talk to anyone i kept asking myself why am i acting like this? and i replied to myself becuzz i am afraid i might do something to embarrass myself. i am afraid of there judgement. i dont know how to act in social situations. as you know these are all the symptoms of social anxiety. so i found out i shouldnt care what people think & just be myself instead of living up to people expectations. it dosent matter what they think. see you also learn something when you put yourself out there. you live & learn. so i would highly recommend you to go.:)
 

Feathers

Well-known member
Well, just go... :) You can only go for half an hour and see what it's like, and if it's not okay, you can say you have another thing then, or have someone call you up at a certain time on your cell phone and say you gotta go or something...

Where do I sit? - uhm, I usually do this on 'comfort level' and 'go by the feeling' and by the situation, I usually let other people in and just sit to whoever I'm comfortable with and come with/after, sort of situational... where there's a place lol (?) I tend to gravitate to people I get along with anyway.. And is it a thing where you can walk around later? Then just go and move and talk to someone else?
If you like the people who persuaded you to come, chances are they'd be happy if you sit by them too? (So they won't be alone and will have you for company?? You can persuade any fun people you get along with to come too.. Maybe you even won't have to talk if they like to talk, he he.. Or you can go and mingle then, if it gets 'too much'?)

What do we talk about? So many undetermined factors. - Well, of course, that's part of the fun too.. :) Have some pre-determined topics: if people wear something new/unusual: 'Wow, look at you!' Or 'Wow, what's this?/where did you get this?' or commenting on their good looks is usually a good start (especially if they made an effort, and ideally if it's genuine admiration, even if of just one little detail) Also talking about the food/scenerey, especially if it's something new or exciting, or looks odd :D Exciting new stuff that happened at the firm or is in plans (and is 'out' to talk about and is okay if your boss hears you too, otherwise just keep it not job-related/off-topic), maybe about any plans of theirs or yours to travel or go somewhere exotic... (if any) If you know them from before, follow up on their hobbies/interests/plans from before, especially if you two have the same interests? (or even kids/health/gym memberships in a breezy way or more in-depth if so happens and it's interesting, and if you're up for it?) If you don't hang out much with them otherwise: 'Hey, what have you been up to (these days)?' depending on how much you see them.. People love to talk about themselves anyway, he he... When you find out their interests and recent undertakings and any 'cross-over areas' that both you and they share and find interesting, it's much easier to talk about things... Have a few 'easy answers' for any questions you might get too.. (especially if some of them might be in the 'akhem' area.. Like, if they are pushy and want to know too much, prepare some answers.. If it's not like that, just joke around or say something but say nothing really.. be mysterious a bit..)
What are the worst things that can happen at such events and what can you do about that? (We can help you brainstorm too if needed..) Depends on people there, are they male/female, big or small firm, what kind of things happen, lol..
If you're one of the younger people there, you can just sit and listen to other people talk, and smile and be pretty? he he..

It's easier to sit at home and watch t.v. but I know that's not good for me.. - He he, yup, got this one right.. If you want to minimize any bad effects, stay away from sweets and alcohol as much as possible, or only consume in small/moderate amounts...

You can also give yourself a 'mission' eg. talk to xy amount of people, or have 3 or 5 interesting conversations (?) Or observe people who are 'good at this' how do they handle it? You can learn a lot!! - Or to observe waste management at the event and report to Feathers :D - do they recycle? Is it eco? Is there excessive waste? Could there be less? - I've been at events where I've gone strictly for eco purposes and dreaded going there and they turned out FUN!

Soo, hope you have fun!! (And if not, you got to show off yourself in your pretty gear and practise anti-SA procedures?? Just going somewhere is brave sometimes, and kudos for going!!)
 
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Smurfette

Well-known member
Ok, first off THANKS 4 all ur remarks. The party is this Saturday...(gulp). Feathers, I like your idea of a "mission". I'm gonna do that! And you're right, just going in itself is a big leap for me :) but again...GULP!
 

coyote

Well-known member
Ok, mine is Wednesday, and I don't have a date

The menu choices are prime rib, grilled salmon, chicken, or pasta
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
My work Christmas party is coming up and somehow a couple people convinced me to go. Depending on my SA levels I might have a good time or I might regret this. Where do I sit? With who? What do we talk about? So many undetermined factors. It's easier to sit at home and watch t.v. but I know that's not good for me...::(:

LOL Smurfette :) the title of this thread hits home for me....

But omg I don't want to be like that. I want to be real excited when I make plans but I always want to back out if they are of the social nature. Parties are torture unless they are a complete druggie/drunk fest then no one cares about discussing the finer points or what your wearing etc...but I still get super nervous and want to stay home in my comfort zone which we all know is bad. I have to say last time I stayed home from a party I was glad cuz the person I was with rolled the truck he was driving and i might have had a serious head injury had I been attending that gala so Yeah for anti-social me!:cool:

Good luck with your Christmas party and if it's a work thing don't get drunk is my only advice-
 
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