Too un-social to for a relationship

[recluse]

Is there anyone else simply too un-social for a relationship?

I am socially inept, but i also can't be bothered to make aimless conversation. An idea of hell for me is having to phone someone o'r them phone me just for the sake of talking. I also dislike sitting down with people just for the sake of talking.

I think this is a recipe for disaster as people are drawn to sociable/talkative people. I hear about people in relationships phoning their other halves everyday and talk for an hour o'r more....What the hell do they talk about?

This is one reason why i rather be alone; No need to think of things to talk about. I think i don't belong in a social world

 

[Sora]

I like to talk sometimes, though most times I have nothing to say, depends on the person for me, some people I have nothing to say to but others I can't shut up, it just depends.

However I remember when I had a girlfriend I would just finished working for the day and sit down to relax and go on a game and then she would ring me!! aah lol, sometimes I didn't want to talk but I did anyways, sometimes I enjoyed it but the majority of the time talking to her on the phone was mostly her talking and me being like "yep, yep, hmmm, ok, nah, yep!" "why? I suppose so!" "ah that's good!" things like that and then the moment I said something that I loved and got excited about it was kinda the same from her lol "ah ok, thats good" then when the call finally ended it was "love youuuu, love you too! I love you more..." Zzz lol!

So yeh you're not missing much and it's not a bad thing, convos like that are kinda pointless if you ask me though I'd still prefer to have them and be with someone than to be alone! but when you get someone and you love talking to them that's when it's awesome!

 

[Aletheia]

and there is real stuff happening around that can be talked about.

This helps for me too, when there is external stuff feeding into the conversation.

I can find socializing really hard work, in fact I've just come home from a social thing that I bunked off early from, not because I wasn't enjoying myself, but just because it was so tiring.

And I don't like talking on the phone.

But sometimes, with some people, words come to mind spontaneously, naturally, and it's no effort at all.

Maybe you just haven't found the right person.

 

[Aletheia]

^ Funny, I find writing less tiring than talking.

Maybe because I process visual stimuli more easily than aural.

 

[MikeyC]

I dont like talking on the phone or sitting down to talk either, but I'm ok at walking or driving and talking. That way I'm not face to face, which I dont like, and there is real stuff happening around that can be talked about.

Yeah, I agree. If the conversation goes to a standstill, you can still have something else to focus on and the conversation can go from that.

I don't think I'm too antisocial for a relationship, but I have anxiety and intimacy hang-ups that make me realise it's simply not a good idea.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I'm mostly a hermit so I suppose I'm about as un-social as it gets.

I had a friend who talked to her boyfriend for hours on the phone every day after she got home from school. I asked her what they could possibly talk about for hours on end and she thought it was a weird question. I don't know how they do it. It's all a mystery to me.

Another one of my friends used to ring me up at unexpected times and once we had talked about whatever we needed to talk about within a minute or so, things would start to get awkward. I didn't know what to talk about and I was too shy to be the one to end the conversation, so we would sort of just be on the phone with each other, saying mostly nothing until one of us said goodbye. As you can imagine I hate talking on the phone and avoid it at all costs.

Talking for hours or even just ten minutes is physically and mentally draining for me. It's exhausting because it demands all my attention and sometimes it feels like everyone else is a social vampire. I don't get that when I'm alone. I can feel normal and relaxed but only if I'm by myself.

 

[Mike135]

I also hate to talk on the phone or sitting down to talk with someone, my anxiety gets higher in those cases. I don’t belong in a social world either.

But I feel fine to chat with people online; I can do that for hours, always finding a topic to chat about.

When I’m in a group of people talking, I’m usually the one who remains silent most of time, words never come to me, especially if I’m around a group of unfamiliar persons.

When I’m alone, I must say that I feel relaxed, no more “social vampires” for turn me apprehensive.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Sometimes it's not what you're talking about, but the fact that you're talking to the person that matters. I suppose it's similar to how you might hang out with a close friend. You and your friend don't have to be doing anything specific - it's just that you enjoy the pleasure of one another's company.

If it's someone I like then I can just talk about whatever happens to occur to me to talk about, but if it's someone that I'm indifferent to then I can't. I can't make smalltalk in those situations, because I can't feign an interest in people that I'm not actually interested in, which is what smalltalk seems to be all about.

 

[theslowesthand]

Socialising & relationships are all about feelings. Get the feelings right, and you get the relationship right. Right?

 

[MikeyC]

Another one of my friends used to ring me up at unexpected times and once we had talked about whatever we needed to talk about within a minute or so, things would start to get awkward. I didn't know what to talk about and I was too shy to be the one to end the conversation, so we would sort of just be on the phone with each other, saying mostly nothing until one of us said goodbye. As you can imagine I hate talking on the phone and avoid it at all costs.

Talking on the phone is boring. I am like you there, which is why I enjoy texting more.

When I’m in a group of people talking, I’m usually the one who remains silent most of time, words never come to me, especially if I’m around a group of unfamiliar persons.

This is generally me, too.

 

[LifeInternal88]

If you really want a relationship, you must find someone like you - so you kind of understand each others needs.

I don't want to be in a relationship with someone 'normal' (I know no one is completly normal, but you guys know what I mean).

 

[Felgen]

Learning to conversate takes time, but it is possible. That being said, it will be a lot harder keeping friends than making them if you increase your charisma.

 

[Fen]

As far as I remember, I've never been able to deal with usual conversations. I've had friends, yeah, and we talked, but only about videogames or stupid things.
I simply wouldn't know what to talk about

 

[Aletheia]

If you really want a relationship, you must find someone like you - so you kind of understand each others needs.

Yeah very much.

 

[Supernova]

Is there anyone else simply too un-social for a relationship?

I am socially inept, but i also can't be bothered to make aimless conversation. An idea of hell for me is having to phone someone o'r them phone me just for the sake of talking. I also dislike sitting down with people just for the sake of talking.

I think this is a recipe for disaster as people are drawn to sociable/talkative people. I hear about people in relationships phoning their other halves everyday and talk for an hour o'r more....What the hell do they talk about?

This is one reason why i rather be alone; No need to think of things to talk about. I think i don't belong in a social world

I didn't know you were still about recluse, I usually just read these boards and don't post much but remember seeing you a lot more a few years ago.

I've accepted I won't have a relationship I think, I'm used to being alone now, it would be so strange to be close to someone. If I could live a normal life and not have a romantic relationship I would prefer that than have a relationship and remain how I am now.

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

Is there anyone else simply too un-social for a relationship?

I am socially inept, but i also can't be bothered to make aimless conversation. An idea of hell for me is having to phone someone o'r them phone me just for the sake of talking. I also dislike sitting down with people just for the sake of talking.

I think this is a recipe for disaster as people are drawn to sociable/talkative people. I hear about people in relationships phoning their other halves everyday and talk for an hour o'r more....What the hell do they talk about?

This is one reason why i rather be alone; No need to think of things to talk about. I think i don't belong in a social world

Well, I also hate phone conversations. I used to invent a "time limit" policy when somebody calls me coz I get easily bored talking, can't think of topics to say... etc. But I noticed that when I'm talking with a close friend, we seem to talk about everything and time doesn't become a nuisance. So probably, you just have to talk with someone you are really comfortable with to have a nice phone conversation.