Tired of being labeled too quiet

[Argamemnon]

I can't change the way I am, maybe to a certain extent, but I will NEVER become an extrovert. Seriously, can an extrovert become an introvert? I don't think so! You can make certain changes in your life, but in the end you are what you are. I'm an introvert, period. I really believe we should stop feeling guilty for our introvertness all the time. I ALWAYS feel worse when I try to come across as an extrovert! :evil:

 

[biffy]

I hate it when people say I'm too quiet. I know I'm too quiet, it's all I can think about! I know I'm never gonna be a clown or an extrovert, but I want to be able to hold a converstation and be myself instead of being someone who is too scared to open their mouth.

I think a lot of loud people are terrified of quiet people.

 

[xSleepy]

I take it as an insult. Everyone tells me im too quiet and too shy in a BAD way. So of course if they say it like an insult, then your gonna take it as an insult.
And plus when im told im quiet and shy i feel like they're basically telling me im weak and I dont know how to stand up for myself.

 

[Argamemnon]

It IS an insult, but I wonder if they are aware that they are hurting people. I would never tell someone he's shy or anything like that. I know people would get hurt.

 

[Ky]

I HATE it when people say that! Honestly, I'd probably be less offended if they were to call me ugly! :roll:

I'm sure the people who call you this are loud, am I right? If they are, you should just snap back at them. Show them how it feels. Do it in your 'quiet' way. Loud ones never seem to understand.

I've heard this (you're so quiet!) a few times from a girl I really didn't like and eventually replied calmly and kindly with 'only around certain people.' It was great! She was silent for a whole minute and eventually said 'what's that supposed to mean?' Another SA friend of mine burst out laughing and I haven't been called quiet since.

 

[Haven]

Yeah. I think I'm just so used to hearing those kinds of comments after all these years! My grade 5 classmates voted me as the "quietest in class" at the end of the school year. I didn't really mind. What bothered me was what the teacher said:

"Oh, you should ask her whether that bothers her or not before you include it in the book."

Wtf?! This offended me more than anyhting, because really, why is it considered potentially offensive to be called quiet? Is being quiet and shy perceived to be such a terrible, horrible thing, like a disability or something?? I think it is; I know I certainly feel socially disabled.

 

[piper23]

LOL sometimes I tell ppl it's because they talk too much, I can't get a word in edgewise! One time I was SO mad (due to other circumstances prior to this) when someone said all sarcastically, "GOD, you're quiet," I sighed, looked her in the eye, and said, "GOD, you're ugly!" There was no one else around, and she was not really ugly. I told her that's how it feels when I am attacked like that, she doesn't know all the circumstances and how dare she judge me. She was kind of upset but oh well. I was tired of being the one upset and then "immature" when I spoke up about it.

 

[Kaykay]

I hate it when people tell me I'm too quiet, as if I hadn't ever noticed. I've been told it ever since I started school when I was four for christs sake. It makes me more nervous and anti-social because I get paranoid about it.

I suppose it's better than people thinking I'm rude or that I think I'm too good to talk to them though...I get terrified of people thinking that of me (which in turn makes me more nervous and quiet...anyone else finding it a viscious circle?)

 

[Cynic]

My whole life I always been hearing the same thing from people. Your too quiet.

One day when I was in the drop-in counselling place I attend, there was this woman sitting next to me. She turned to me and said "you don't speak much, do ya?" I replied "Only when I have something to say". I got on fine with her the rest of the day, though I never seen her again after that.

 

[jess02]

Hey I am socially anxious but my anxiety can go from one extreme to another I can be really quiet or I cant shut the f--k up because I feel so anxious about me having to be the life of the party. TO be quiet honest when I have felt really comfortable after a few drinks (dont drink anymore) I would just kick back and say absolutely nothing and think who gives a sh-t I am relaxed it is about how you rerceive been quiet.
I think quiet is alot more cool than some d--ckhead that does not draw a breath and never shuts up. JUST BE YOU and you will attract real people into your life not false friends

 

[JamesMorgan]

I heard a great story yesterday from one of my friends.

He told me the story of this traveller who was with Buddha. Buddha was quiet most of the time, the traveller quite loud, always talking. He made nasty remarks to Buddha very often, abused him, belittled him at every opportunity.

One day, the traveller was so annoyed at Buddhas silence and why it was he was so uneffected by his nasty comments. Buddha replied softly, "if someone offers you a gift and you do not accept it, then who does the gift belong?"

Astounded, the traveller realised.

If someone offers us a gift of their insults or is rude in such ways, we do not have to accept it. Their comments then remain with them, it is theirs. So why would we become upset with something that belonged to someone else?

 

[DT123]

I have the same problem..one really RUDE person once went so far as to-- right in front of me and my friends too-- talk about how "boring" and "bland" I am and how "I'm as interesting as watching paint dry"....although they tried to laugh it off for a while (and I did too), finally one of my friends put a stop to it. It pissed me off so much and it certainly didn't make me feel much better...I didn't go out with friends for weeks after that...

 

[ghostpicnic]

My whole life I always been hearing the same thing from people. Your too quiet. Its kind of rude for people to say that to your face. But they do. I'm not that quiet around family and friends, but around most everyone else I am.
I do try to start conversations with people I don't know that well. But after a while I run out of things too say and there is awkward silence,unless I find things in common with them. I guess sometimes it's better to be quiet. It keeps you out of trouble.

Sorry if I might sound redundant, but I only read the first few posts on this topic.

I think those people who told it to your face are rather covert-aggressively manipulative. I think listening to them is giving you negative influence... rather than an enlightening one.

Try to tell it to yourself with your own logical reasons of why you should talk more often.

I used to be like you in that area... but after many years, I grew out of it.
I realized the benefits of talking, its purpose, and its effects on me and others. This is only my perceptions of course...

What helped me was trying to imagine being in the other person's shoe... how I would perceive myself if I was another person... and what I liked about in other people... So I simply chose to be more like the people that I enjoyed. Made sense... since I try to avoid being a hypocrite.
I tried not to be mindlessly copying either. I focused on being genuine and being realistic/honest with myself. It took me a very long time to realize all of this.

Edit: In no way do I mean that you should try to talk more.

I am hoping that this is related to what you are trying to inquire about and sharing my experience that seemed similar. Sorry if it doesn't relate to you.

 

[cursed_from_day1]

i FULLY hate it wen people make comments about my extreme quietness especially when they do it in front of a crowd n den they always start giving me some mini questionnaire about my life n y im so quiet as if they expect me to start pouring my heart out to them! they should talk 2 us about something decent and interesting instead of putting us on the spot.