Tired of being ignored for the extroverted

[SilentAndShy]

Man, I'm so tired of decades of being ignored by cousins and family friends for the extroverted, in this case, my brother.

He's so extroverted, confident, fearless that he is so, so good at creating, developing and maintaining relationships with our family networks. Even people who are my contemporaries (there's a five year gap) he's able to connect with them to to the extent that I, at some point, become invisible to those people. I'm just a guy they say hello to, brief chit-chat then they are gone once my brother arrives.

I shouldn't let it affect me but it does - it reinforces how I am to my detriment and I feel frustrated that people find it beneath them to engage with me and I decide well forget them, not going to bother with the pleasantries next time.

 

[Hoth]

Keep in mind that people probably think you don't want to talk to them, so they think they're being polite by leaving you alone.

 

[Miserum]

Keep in mind that people probably think you don't want to talk to them, so they think they're being polite by leaving you alone.

I think this is very true.

I think in some cases, people who do seem like they do want to be alone, do actually want to be alone. In this case, leaving them alone is the socially acceptable thing to do.

But I think there are just as many people that are socially anxious, that want to be involved, and that need people to lead the conversation for them. In this case, leaving them alone is misguided.

The problem lies within determining which case is which. The problem is probably not even on most's radars.

 

[SilentAndShy]

Keep in mind that people probably think you don't want to talk to them, so they think they're being polite by leaving you alone.

In regards to my relatives, I think it's they see me as uninteresting, boring and not the out-going person who can wine and dine them filled with levity so why bother offering pleasantries?

Sometimes I do want to be alone, but in other settings when we have familial gatherings just a simply courtesy to engage would be nice rather than just not showing much interest.

 

[Hoth]

With family, personally I usually find we just don't speak the same language. Their favorite topics are pets, gardening, home renovation, people and travel. I don't have any pets, live in an apartment, don't know people and don't travel so there's not much I can contribute. Not drinking doesn't help either. So it goes.

 

[Pyrophosphate]

In regards to my relatives, I think it's they see me as uninteresting, boring and not the out-going person who can wine and dine them filled with levity so why bother offering pleasantries?

I get that same impression from my family. But, I think a lot of the time we can subconsciously give the impression that we don't care for their company any more than they seem to care for ours. And then it's no wonder they would rather talk to our respective brothers.

 

[Phoenixx]

Sometimes I do want to be alone, but in other settings when we have familial gatherings just a simply courtesy to engage would be nice rather than just not showing much interest.

I have learned that if you expect people to engage with you, but don't give them any signs that you want to be a part of conversation, you will be sorely disappointed. Sometimes being in the circle of watching others converse isn't always enough to let them know, "Hey I wanna join in too, but don't know how!"

I have found that just trying to follow conversation, and then asking someone a relevant question about said topic, regardless of whether it's a true interest of yours or not, and even if it feels awkward and a little nerve-wracking, is a good way to get roped in to discussion.

Keep doing that and others are usually bound to randomly strike up a conversation at times. At least that has been my experience.

 

[grapevine]

Yes its the same with my family too, to some extent. esp when i feel more insecure and jealous around cousins that seem to have everything and have been given everything. And to feel so little like you cant even compete with any of that and get ignored and wierd expressions on you despite you smiling and attempting to join in. It can last for days, well in those situations for me, where a big cry is in order and an anxiety attack afterward just to get myself back up. In the past when it had been really bad tho, it was a catalyst for me to be determined to start to find my strengths again and self-care, dignity. To get my own self-security, comfort by forming a different narrative of myself and choosing to see my good points that come from lost years due to social phobia. How that can bring such insight and understading so forth.