This is the answer of my social anxiety.

[Falkor]

Hi,

Today I was sitting in a bar, and I felt so anxious.
And now I know what is going on. Why I feel so anxious.
Every eye that looks to me, makes my body feel tension.
When I'm sitting at a bar, I don't know where to put my arms, where to put my legs, how to sit.. How to have a good body language.
Every eye contact is scary.
Every move of myself, is weak because I can't do something physically in front of other's when they are watching me.
Every emotion of myself feels like a shame.

Now this is the answer of my social anxiety.

I feel anxious when people look at me, BECAUSE. I don't know how to have a good body language, I look very weird I think. And that makes me feel so terrible. And I don't know where to look. So I look everywhere in 3 sec. I'm so nervous and acting clumsy. That's why I feel anxious. and the first point is not the judgement, first is their looking to my weak body language, and the second point is the judgement of my weak body language, what they will think of it.
So the solvation must be.. Me training to look like I don't care about anything.

That will change everything.

But I just can't put on a mask, and I show that I'm terrible anxious.

Maybe some people here understand.
But i bet some people know how to have a body language.

Well.. xx

 

[spider04]

The same as when you walk in public, you dont know how to move haha

 

[market.garden]

I understand what you mean. It's hard because the more you think about it, the more you start to think that people are noticing that your not comfortable. I sometimes feel like that when I'm walking down the street.

 

[Newtype]

Everything you wrote I understand because I am the same. Just walking among strangers is unpleasant to me because in my head I'm not walking correctly, not walking manly or relaxed enough and I think that people see me and think that I'm a freak. Even standing in a spot and not doing anything feels strange. I don't know where to put my arms, I move them every three seconds. And my neck, I always feel like my neck is not straight and I look like a weirdo. I think this is why I don't like eating around people too. I feel like I'm not eating correctly, that I'm eating like a pig and I don't want anyone to see that, but in reality I eat normally. When I'm sitting, I always keep my head down because I don't wanna know the truth. I don't wanna know if people are really looking at me or not. So yeah, what you said is true. Learning not to care is the solution, but it's easier said than done.

 

[Falkor]

Everything you wrote I understand because I am the same. Just walking among strangers is unpleasant to me because in my head I'm not walking correctly, not walking manly or relaxed enough and I think that people see me and think that I'm a freak. Even standing in a spot and not doing anything feels strange. I don't know where to put my arms, I move them every three seconds. And my neck, I always feel like my neck is not straight and I look like a weirdo. I think this is why I don't like eating around people too. I feel like I'm not eating correctly, that I'm eating like a pig and I don't want anyone to see that, but in reality I eat normally. When I'm sitting, I always keep my head down because I don't wanna know the truth. I don't wanna know if people are really looking at me or not. So yeah, what you said is true. Learning not to care is the solution, but it's easier said than done.

good to see that someone understands me.. what you wrote is exactly like me
especially the eat-thing.. I feel so disqusted by myself when i eat.
I do have manors but i dont think its good enough.
and i feel so ashamed to talk about this because now i think people will judge me because they know i feel like this :/
and its just so weird.. how can i change this .. i wish i can
i know that i have to train on this.. but i start to feel anxious again and i will be tensed again. i even practiced in the mirror with a therapist. doesnt help..

But maybe i should train more time.
It sounds so stupid.. that i actually have to train this. but yeah. its me.

 

[market.garden]

Maybe when your out again, just sit there and watch other people...watch how they move, eat, and walk. You'll more than likely see that they're acting and moving no differently from you.

 

[hangbi92]

U re not the only one with these problems. Almost all of us with SAD feel the same. I dont know where to put my hands so I often put them in my pants pocket. And if my pants dont have pockets I will probably pretend to touch my glasses' frame or scratch my head. My body language is weak too so when I stand still I look like a jerk. Idk where to look too so I look everywhere and if I catch someone's eyes I become nervous. And when I walk through a crowd my neck seems to be paralysed so I just go straight forward without turning my neck. My steps feel so heavy as if I could fall down the ground anytime. Ive been trying to act normal but it seems to be very difficult ::

 

[Newtype]

good to see that someone understands me.. what you wrote is exactly like me
especially the eat-thing.. I feel so disqusted by myself when i eat.
I do have manors but i dont think its good enough.
and i feel so ashamed to talk about this because now i think people will judge me because they know i feel like this :/
and its just so weird.. how can i change this .. i wish i can
i know that i have to train on this.. but i start to feel anxious again and i will be tensed again. i even practiced in the mirror with a therapist. doesnt help..

But maybe i should train more time.
It sounds so stupid.. that i actually have to train this. but yeah. its me.

I think that when I'll finally be comfortable in my own skin, when I'll be successful in certain things and be proud of myself for everything that I did and that I'm doing, it will stop. Why? Because I won't feel inferior to other people anymore. Right now, I feel like everyone else is better than me because they have a normal life and they do many things. They're successful in school, they have a job, they have fun, they have love stories, they have belongings, etc. But me, I have nothing like that, I feel useless, so I need to do things and be proud of myself and one day I'll be normal again.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

it's awful! im that way too, super aware of everything, my hands, legs, the little muscles in my face. my eyes dart too because i cant decide where to look, so i get upset that people must think its very weird. worse of all when you start imagining what other people see, it screws up your own orientation so you become even more separate from your body and more awkward. i know i shouldnt think about what other people see, but i cant help it. i've always had a really hard time with understanding space and directions. i get lost easily and had alot of trouble learning how to read and write because of it as a kid. its horrible on anxiety

i read about body language in an old outdated lawyer book about how to tell when people are lying, according to that quack, you should not cross your legs or arms if you want to appear relaxed, do not cover your mouth with your hand or touch your face much, sit straight, dont press your arms to your body if your nervous.

i know it sounds so silly. the book was about liars, but the body language it described in liars was my own, i tend to cross my legs and arms alot, and cover my mouth with my hand ALOT

im sorry my post is so long, if only we could just relax!

 

[xxaimsxx]

Yes i feel very strange and if i look like that i think people will think 'omg what a weirdo' or 'why does she look like that?'
Im very good at putting on a front or atleast i think i am or i try to be anyways

I dont like crowds, I hate waiting in lines when shopping and having intimate family meals in packed restaurants. I mean these are everyday things and they are such a chore for me.

 

[jbeenthere]

Wait!! Stop the bus and back up.

what you just said about the answer being to look like you don't care is the SA talking and not the truth. the TRUTH is that you probably look totally normal to the other people in the bar but your SA thoughts are going through the litany of what you're doing wrong. by reacting to those thoughts by trying to change your posture, etc is reinforcing the SA irrationality. I would bet $100 that if I could watch a video of you sitting at the bar I would not think any of the thoughts that you are so sure I was thinking. how do I know this? because having these irrational thoughts produced by an anxious imagination is the core essence of SA.

 

[jbeenthere]

I should add that it is extremely uncomfortable at first to ignore these thoughts but once you can do it a few times it gets easier. then once you have trained your mind to accept reality and tame your SA irrationality you can just sit and enjoy being where you are and be a little more relaxed and open to the present moment.

 

[jbeenthere]

That's exactly what my psychotherapist recognised as the core of my SP. He said my bad body language triggers my thoughs and not the other way around. Well, he is just presuming now, now i have to take notes on how my body language is inducing my SP.

Renegade,

I would respectfully say that your therapist is dead wrong. your thoughts are not brought about by your bad posture, they are brought about by your anxiety/SP. in order for CBT to work you must start with the premise that your thoughts regarding yourself that come up in the specific phobic situation are not based on fact but are brought on by your overactive imagination that is striving desperately to reconcile the anxiety you are feeling when your rational mind knows it out of proportion to what the actual threat really is. I think your therapist is unwittingly undermining your attempts to use CBT. is he/she trained in CBT or does he use some other methods?

 

[Dronee]

I have a lot of faith in human forgetfulness. Most people have a lot of things to worry about on their own. So even if I do something really ridiculous, they'll probably forget about it in a short time... Unless if it's a really, really small town or if it's in front of people I regularly meet.

But yeah... sometimes I get very awkward too. Definitely not a pleasant feeling.

 

[lef09012]

I totally understand what you say. That's me. That's exactly how I feel and do.
My head is spinning by thinking "what should I do for not to look nervous??!" almost everytime I'm out of house.
I'm sick of it. I've thought and thought so many times, years for the answer. And I'm still looking for it.
Well, I'll change my phychologist. Although this illness is so common, she doesn't seem like understanding. Hope I'll meet a good counselor.

 

[Falkor]

I totally understand what you say. That's me. That's exactly how I feel and do.
My head is spinning by thinking "what should I do for not to look nervous??!" almost everytime I'm out of house.
I'm sick of it. I've thought and thought so many times, years for the answer. And I'm still looking for it.
Well, I'll change my phychologist. Although this illness is so common, she doesn't seem like understanding. Hope I'll meet a good counselor.

i hope so too , I would say that a real good counsellor would be someone who overcame SA himself.. Cuz he know what he's talking about.
But that's hard to find i think.

 

[fauxleigh]

I have been struggling to find a way to place my hands when I stand still on a spot. From my observations most people would cross their arms or playing with their phone, but when I followed I just look stupid. Now, everytime when I'm going out I would bring a bottle of water so to not make my hands empty which only helps a little.

 

[chained]

ahm.. I dont think u have a bad body language.its ur sa..
and once u have cured ur sa, u wont even be thinking about the way ur arms are or where ur foot is
cuz ull be preoccupied with opther thoughts, and ur body language will be fine.. but for now u can practice it..
I know i used to stand in the tram and put my hand in some way, and id be thinnking baout if for like 30mins
but the point is when im not thinking about how ppl see me, its fine