This is starting to annoy me

[FriendlyShadow]

People make me wonder sometimes. They make me feel guilty because I have a quite aspect of me I cannot and probably will not be able to get rid of. People think they're is something wrong with my quiet aura and they somehow can't accept it. Question: Why? No, I want an answer why some of you people will not accept everyone's different aspects of their personalities. Not once have I ever insulted people to ask why they are quiet and make them feel bad and try to say you should have friends and should do what the majority group of people are doing. The people who tell me this have not had gone through a more upsetting and unsettling life than i have ever gone through. Sorry, I brought this topic up like multiple times already, but I can't take it. My mom thinks there's something wrong with me because I'm quiet and don't have friends. However, I don't have a sense of feeling whether I want to be friends with people or not. I'm not even sure what I want, but she thinks she knows. My whole family told me they had their moments when they were young, but you know that was only a short period of time before they had friends to talk to while I'm still stuck in my own era. Some things I've noticed that made me question why they had friends: They talk about them behind their back, calling their friends boyfriends girlfriends ugly or talking about their apperances, ect. How is it possible to have friends if you didn't like them to begin with. No, why is it possible for the mean bunch of people to have friends while the others sadly have none. I'm sorry but I really don't want to hear that nonsense because they don't speak up enough or they are "losers" because they don't have friends. I'm sick of it it's beginning to be repetitive. Some people might actually like staying quiet or they just have hidden reasons why they can't talk to people like me for instance. And because of the rejection and pain I went through my life( I got stabbed in the palm with a pencil when I was young at school) And people now suddenly get this idea that after all you have suffered through the years with everyone torturing you and degrading you because you don't "fit in"(whatever that means anymore) now they want you to change one harmless aspect that isn't even important at all for people to worry. There are bigger issues and disasters that are happening in this cruel planet than someone just having a trait that isn't even as close as to what's going on in the outside world. There are murders, criminals, drug dealers, ect. But no, that's just too easy for them to change because they get away with that stuff. People who have quiet personalities are frowned upon for no reason and I think instead of society trying to let the extroverts have their fun and let them get away with telling people how they are, society should make it fair that quiet people should act how they want to act to without being judged. The quiet people wouldn't feel any pressure or guilt that they have to suddenly change just to become one of the group. I also want to say something about people telling others to build confidence. But how? How do you build confidence. I know I can't do it, and people make it easier by just saying it. That's not helping at all.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

If you're reasonably happy, screw 'em! There are a lot of quiet people out there! Sounds like the people around you just want a lot of attention.

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

I'm a quiet person and I totally understand what you mean. I used to have the same ranting but got sick of it because I know society will never change. So now I'm like "I'm quiet and WTF do you care people. I will speak whenever I want to. Eff you!" Although it's just in my brain. But seriously, it's not being quiet that is a big deal here. I've seen confident, quiet guys and people don't bother them because even if they are quiet, they still have friends and they don't show timidness at all. I think people only bothers the "quiet, timid, anti-social" person... like us... like me! And humans are social creatures so when they see asocial people like us, we shouldn't be surprised that they'll think something's wrong with us. No matter how annoying it is, we can't change these things.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

In fact, that's just making it worse for the one who is quiet because how will she/he know how to build that confidence. Actually, how can you build confidence when everyone around you dislikes the fact that you're being yourself. I find that disrespectful on the extrovert's part. If the extrovert was kind enough to talk to the quiet person and not make them feel like they are a piece of trash that was littered, the quiet person will be willing to feel alot more comfortable and will appreciate the extroverts courteous of how they acted within that situation. I'm the extrovert took took the situation more maturely and did not even insult the introvert when he or she speaks to him in a polite manner. Those are the extroverts who need to be idolized, not extroverts who think they know that the quiet person is just being quiet for superficial reasons(which i'm not sure if there are.) Just extroverts who love to assume. They love and enjoy to take the mickey out on quiet people for unknown reasons when they don't even know it's wrong. But they turn that back to another excuse just to say the person is too sensitive. WHAT?!?! Leyt me see if I understand this. You tell a person why are you quiet or already inform them they are quiet(unecessary to anyways since they know themselves) and then when the quiet person reacts why they say that or any response to the extrovert(which is completely understandable of why) the extrovert has then the nerve to back up with a nonsensible excuse like you are too sensitive. That person had every right to be sensitive to such a throughtless comment you hurled towards them. It's not whether the person is sensitive, it's the matter of why you speak in a rude manner that you know it will offend them but you don't care any less only just seek out of entertainment and carelessness upon your actions. I just can't take the new society's view on things now.

 

[laure15]

I'm naturally quiet around people too, and sometimes I feel the pressure to say something to avoid "awkward silences" (awkward not to me, but to other people). It sucks that society values talkative people more than the quiet ones. Some people mistake my quietness for "sulking".

I know what you mean when you talk about people backstabbing their friends. I guess that's what you call "frenemies."

 

[Lowlight]

This thread reminded me of a section from the Tao Te Ching.

“Those who know don’t talk.
Those who talk don’t know.

Close your mouth.
Block the door.
Quiet your senses.
Blunt the sharpness.
Untie the tangles.
Soften the brightness.
Be one with the dust, and enter the primal oneness.

One who has merged with Tao in this way
Can’t be courted,
Can’t be bought,
Can’t be harmed,
Can’t be honored,
Can’t be humiliated.

He is the treasure of the world."

To my mind I admire those who are quiet, and strongly wish I was wise enough to be quiet myself. When I talk too much I begin to lose a handle on what I am saying. I start to say things I don’t mean or use words I wouldn’t want to use. When you are quiet you also HEAR the person you are talking to much better. Not in volume, but in that you aren’t just waiting for them to stop talking so you can just make your point.

People tend to become wary of quiet people, I think, for two main reasons. The first is that talkative people can’t understand that quiet people don’t wish to be as extroverted as them. They see a person being quiet and think,

“Why is this person quiet? I am only quiet when I am upset; therefore I assume this quiet person must be upset.”

The second reason is because a talkative person can’t communicate with a person who doesn’t talk. People are very social, and a lot of the time they depend on others to validate their positions. If a person simply doesn’t speak there is an uncertainty to if a point has been made.

When I was younger I would sometimes get made fun of, and a lot of the time I would lash out at the people bullying me. They seemed to get satisfaction from the fact that they made me have a reaction to what they were doing. Then there were times I just wouldn’t respond at all to their insults. This seemed to drive the bullies crazy! They needed a reaction; they needed some sign to know that they were getting under my skin.

This taught me that silence can be a great weapon.

 

[xDreamseller]

I'm the exact same. When people say something of no real importance, like filling a gap or small talk, I just hear in my head "I've got nothing important to say but I'm too afraid of what you'll think of me if I just remain quiet". I just wish I could find other people who aren't afraid to just be quiet for 5 minutes. Silences are only awkward if you make them so. I never feel uncomfortable until someone says something like "You're very quiet, aren't you?".

Quiet > Pointless chatter

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I'm very quite too. If you want to seem more friendly bake for someone. Good luck

 

[rosewood]

To Lowlight: Lovely response.

 

[bcsr]

There's a difference between being a quiet person and being afraid to interact with people.
Being quiet because you're afraid of people will severely limit your life.