Think I might be a lesbian...

[SickCycleCarousel]

Firstly, I didn't know where else to post this. Sorry if it's in the wrong section...or wrong site...but this is the only forum I belong to. ::

Anyway. Starting when I was 13 I would look at my girl friends and wonder what it would be like to kiss them. I still liked boys, but I was becoming curious about girls, too.

When I was 15 or 16 I accepted the thought that I must be bisexual and I had a "girl-crush" on a celebrity (Julia Stiles) for a long time.
I actually told my siblings that I was bisexual, but a couple days later I told them that I was just confused and I really wasn't. Actually, I just didn't want them to tell my mom as she was very religious at the time and I didn't want her to disown me.

All of my sexual fantasies involve me and another woman. I just can't imagine myself with a man.

I had slept with a couple guys in the past but didn't enjoy it at all. Kissing either of them was like kissing my brother. It was very awkward and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

I belong to Deviant Art and see a lot of pictures of naked men and I've, as of late, become really grossed out by them. I still think they can be cute (like when they do stupid things and hurt themselves especially), but I just don't feel a sexual attraction to them.

I've been imagining myself dating women and kissing them and whatnot and I'm coming to really enjoy the idea. I'm kinda worried that it's a phase and I'm just going to end up attracted to men again. I don't want a man. I'll hang out with them and have fun with them but I will never again sleep with one.

When I say to myself "I'm a lesbian" I get an elated feeling and it makes me smile. But I'm also really confused still because I have never kissed a woman.

In a nutshell, I guess, what I want to know is, do I sound like I might be a lesbian? I know only I can answer that question myself, but I don't know any lesbians/gay people and have no one to talk to (I'm afraid to talk to my family and I have no friends), and I could use some advice from people who know what it's like to be sexually-confused.

Thanks for listening. My eyes are burning out of their sockets now so I must sleep.

Goodnight.

 

[NickyNacker]

This sounds exactly like what I went through in middle school as a gay guy before I came out. I definitely feel you and know what you're going through. You definitely sound like you are lesbian, if that isn't too blunt to say. Lol
Like I said, it's the exact way I felt except, you know, with guys instead of girls.
I wish I had some actual advice or something.. hmm. What I would do when I went through it was find gay people online to talk to because I also didn't know any in real life. Over time I got really great online gay friends that I still talk to. I also came to meet gay people in real life as I came out which was a huge help. Also experimenting with people obviously will help you figure out. But easier said than done..

Do you think your mom would still have a problem with it? The way you worded it made it sound as if she had become less religous..
Is fear of not being accepted one thing that's holding you back?

 

[scoobycrawler]

Wish I could help you but I am a 26 male virgin in other words when it comes to sex I just rally got no freakin clue and honestly doubt that I ever will, haha...

 

[Hastings & Main]

Well, how old are you now?
Most people go through that whole orientation-confusion thing in the mid-school years. Over time things fall into line & it all becomes clearer (in the meantime the attraction/non-attraction thing goes all back & forth), but for now, talking with a counselor sounds best for you if it's bothering you too much.

 

[SickCycleCarousel]

This sounds exactly like what I went through in middle school as a gay guy before I came out. I definitely feel you and know what you're going through. You definitely sound like you are lesbian, if that isn't too blunt to say. Lol
Like I said, it's the exact way I felt except, you know, with guys instead of girls.
I wish I had some actual advice or something.. hmm. What I would do when I went through it was find gay people online to talk to because I also didn't know any in real life. Over time I got really great online gay friends that I still talk to. I also came to meet gay people in real life as I came out which was a huge help. Also experimenting with people obviously will help you figure out. But easier said than done..

Do you think your mom would still have a problem with it? The way you worded it made it sound as if she had become less religous..
Is fear of not being accepted one thing that's holding you back?

Thanks a lot for the reply

I would love to meet gay/lesbian people (online or in real life...though I wouldn't really know what to say or ask lol).

My mom doesn't study the Bible or Christianity anymore. She's into Kabbalah which is totally different. I think she will be okay with it, now, but...I don't know. I have days where I am still totally confused about my sexuality. I don't want to tell her unless I know 100% if I am or not. I know I don't want to be with a man, though, that's for sure. I hope it's normal to be confused like this lol.

Well, how old are you now?
Most people go through that whole orientation-confusion thing in the mid-school years. Over time things fall into line & it all becomes clearer (in the meantime the attraction/non-attraction thing goes all back & forth), but for now, talking with a counselor sounds best for you if it's bothering you too much.

I'm going to be 27 this June.
I'm not bothered at all by the thought of being a lesbian. I have always (as I said in my original post) been attracted to females. I've never repressed my feelings. But I do agree that I should get help sorting these thoughts out.

U've been with boys and know how it is so your not straight that's for sure.

But u never been with a girl u say, still u are atraccted by them.

I think it's pretty clear, whats the confusion ?

I'm still confused because I don't know if it was just nervousness that made me dislike being with the men, or if it was just my lack of interest in men that made it boring and un-pleasureable.

lol it's just all so confusing. ::

 

[Danfalc]

I'm still confused because I don't know if it was just nervousness that made dislike being the men, or if it was just my lack of interest in men that made it boring and un-pleasureable.

lol it's just all so confusing. ::

I think it's important you don't put too much pressure on yourself, and maybe just give yourself time. Girls seem to be a lot more comfy in regards to their sexuality than guys and I know a few girls who consider themselves straight, but still find other girls attractive.

27 is still young so you have lot's of time to explore how you feel around different people I mean it does sound like you are not that interested In guys, but I'm just trying to say there is no rush, you don't ever have to commit to one label or another unless you feel you wan't to.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Hmm it certainly sounds like you could be a lesbian. Have you had an actual crush on a guy before? That's my first question...

"When I say to myself "I'm a lesbian" I get an elated feeling and it makes me smile. " <--- This makes me suspect that you are... I know that I'm a lesbian and I've never kissed another woman, either. I don't think you have to kiss a woman or sleep with a woman to know. Deep down somewhere you know whether you are or are not... It's going to take time to accept whether you are or not. Because you say that kissing guys feels like 'kissing your brother', that again makes me think that you very well could be. But I wouldn't rush it. These revelations will come upon you randomly when you're ready for them if it is to be

 

[SickCycleCarousel]

Hmm it certainly sounds like you could be a lesbian. Have you had an actual crush on a guy before? That's my first question...

"When I say to myself "I'm a lesbian" I get an elated feeling and it makes me smile. " <--- This makes me suspect that you are... I know that I'm a lesbian and I've never kissed another woman, either. I don't think you have to kiss a woman or sleep with a woman to know. Deep down somewhere you know whether you are or are not... It's going to take time to accept whether you are or not. Because you say that kissing guys feels like 'kissing your brother', that again makes me think that you very well could be. But I wouldn't rush it. These revelations will come upon you randomly when you're ready for them if it is to be

I have had crushes on guys. As stated in my original post, I felt I was always bisexual. Until the last month or so that is, when I became more turned on by females and grossed out by males.

I know it's going to take some time to figure myself out. I can accept myself as a lesbian and I'm excited to discover this part of myself.

 

[GoBlue72]

I have had crushes on guys. As stated in my original post, I felt I was always bisexual. Until the last month or so that is, when I became more turned on by females and grossed out by males.

I know it's going to take some time to figure myself out. I can accept myself as a lesbian and I'm excited to discover this part of myself.

Hey, Sickcyclecarousel. Sounds like this could be an exciting yet anxioius time for you. Glad to hear you're figuring out about yourself, but sorry you might be having a hard time of it. My cousin came out as a lesbian a few years ago, and I think her family has been very supportive. Maybe I can ask her for any advice she might have.

I also noticed you had talked once about your father not treating you very well. I just wondered if the other males in your life treated you in similar ways or not. I'm not saying you are or aren't a lesbian, just trying to figure out if some of your relationships with men led you to the point you're at right now of being turned off by men. Kind of thinking out loud, I guess. ::

 

[Feathers]

Hey Carousel.

At this point, you are most likely 'bi-curious' or 'L-curious'.
There are some good posts on another forum (psych forums I think) where these things are explained a bit more... They say that you're not actually bisexual or a lesbian until you have experienced that in RL not just fantasy (at least that was the explanation given there, and it sounded about right to me). Some people may be or feel 'straight' for a lifetime and then meet someone and 'fall in love'... Some things may seem better in fantasy... Some things may be 'fashionable'.. (yes, it is 'trendy' in some circles) or just a phase.. Some may turn out to be true..

We don't get born with a label... Maybe you were just with wrong men so far, or didn't really love them (?) (were you just trying to 'figure things out'?) or were treated badly by dad and other men in your life...? Or the men you've been with maybe didn't know what they were doing, in certain aspects.. Maybe you can get educated more about what gives a woman a joyful experience.. and then you can experience that with a man or a woman.. (?) or by yourself, haha.. Some say that the woman is responsible for her own enjoyment in certain aspects very much..

There are some theories that everyone has potential to be 'bisexual'... Ancient Greeks (I think) had quite open-minded views about these things too..

I wouldn't tell anyone in the family or neighbourhood/friends anything before being 100% sure.. What is it to them anyway? There are things perhaps better kept to yourself, before you are sure at least..

Some straight women don't like pictures of naked men particularly either.. Some artists say that female form is just more beautiful than male (?)
Maybe stay away from nude pictures if they trouble you?

Know that in some ways dating women can be more difficult than dating men. Depends what kind of environment you live in, and also, some women can be more complicated than men, and all the moodswings/hormone swings etc... If you've had any close female friends you may know what I'm talking about already.. If not, maybe try to have some close female friendships first, and then see if you develop stronger feelings too, or just 'sisterly' feelings?

 

[NickyNacker]

Thanks a lot for the reply

I would love to meet gay/lesbian people (online or in real life...though I wouldn't really know what to say or ask lol).

My mom doesn't study the Bible or Christianity anymore. She's into Kabbalah which is totally different. I think she will be okay with it, now, but...I don't know. I have days where I am still totally confused about my sexuality. I don't want to tell her unless I know 100% if I am or not. I know I don't want to be with a man, though, that's for sure. I hope it's normal to be confused like this lol.

No problem!
The only other thing I can think to tell you is that there were several people in my family that were homophobic before I came out, and after I came out, they immidiately changed their views and they actually get really defensive over me. But you might not have to worry about that anyway since you said you don't think your mom would mind now.