There is this guy...

[Helmaninquiel]

Okay, so there is this guy that I've known for years and was once my boyfriend way back when, okay so the problem is is he won't let go and I apparently won't either, the only thing is is he won't come to hangout with me at my house but we sorta communicate on Facebook and every time I start pulling back or tell him that I'm done with the messed up whatever you call it we have, he tries to get me back.. And it's just feeling more and more that he wants me to play the you want what you can't have game and its just getting tiresome. Anyways what are your thoughts? Is there a reason he won't come to my house but yet he'll get pissed if I start to pull away.. I mean yes I've hurt him in the past but can't he get over it and act normal.

 

[JackOfSpades]

I mean yes I've hurt him in the past but can't he get over it and act normal.

Some guys can't. Maybe he thinks he wants it, but when it comes down to it, he's too caught up in the past to have it again. Sometimes it's not easy to get over things in matters of the heart.

 

[hardy]

Not that i am good at this...but here's a suggestion. How can you expect others to let go of the past if you can't?

I have problems with friends...and i sulk a lot. I avoid them. They try to get in touch with me but they have some crappy talk to do all the time. And i don't want it anymore....I have recently understood...it's good to put your not so clear-thinking friends at a distance....say hi, bye and move on. If the friend is really good....i will never want to lose him . But if he is the pestering kind...hi, bye.

Remember we will never get a good friend with all the good qualities. Learning to accept their mistakes is a really good thing. Because when you accept them as they are, they will accept you as you are.

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

How confident is he?

Sounds a lot like me. Afraid of losing you, but also afraid that getting too close will cause you to leave. Might be something else but I can't quite say from the info.

Perhaps it's time to just 'rip the bandaid off quickly'. He'll either stop bothering you, or if he cares enough, he'll come talk to you.

 

[jaim38]

It depends. Are you serious about this guy, do you have feelings for him? If you do, then ask him if he feels the same way. If he does, then maybe you guys have a chance.

But if you don't have any feelings for this guy or this guy isn't serious about you, then I think it's time to really move on and find someone better. There are plenty of fishes in the sea.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

Some guys can't. Maybe he thinks he wants it, but when it comes down to it, he's too caught up in the past to have it again. Sometimes it's not easy to get over things in matters of the heart.

I know what you mean, and obviously I have massaive sympathy over it but I've apologized a million times to him and all I want to do is make everything better for him, try again maybe, if he wants to hold on still then why avoid me and not try to make something out of it. I just feel stuck, I don't know how to change the situation and make up for my mistakes with him, I'm trying but he avoids me.

 

[JackOfSpades]

My hunch says he's not over it and wants to be over it. But wanting and being aren't the same.

I may be wrong, but that's my veteran read on this.

 

[truffleshuffle]

I know what you mean, and obviously I have massaive sympathy over it but I've apologized a million times to him and all I want to do is make everything better for him, try again maybe, if he wants to hold on still then why avoid me and not try to make something out of it. I just feel stuck, I don't know how to change the situation and make up for my mistakes with him, I'm trying but he avoids me.

I think he may be scared of getting hurt again but dosen;t want to lose you. It sounds like a complicated mess but maybe you need to have good comunication to find out where each of you stand so you guys can either move on and get clouser or move on from the past together.

 

[Fighter86]

I think Jack of Spades is right. If I were you I would move on its kind of hard to have a serious future with him, he doesn't seem to be able to get over what happened. I was in some situation like him and I never really got over what happened. In the end even when I got back with the person at the back of my mind I knew there was no real future the past keeps resurfacing, I knew it was a matter of time things came to an end, too much emotional baggage to carry.

 

[Sial Axetder]

His behaviour kind of raises red flags for me. Check in borderline disorder. Not saying he is, just raises red flags.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

His behaviour kind of raises red flags for me. Check in borderline disorder. Not saying he is, just raises red flags.

He defiantly has something wrong with him. I might think bipolar, he up and down up and down. Here and there.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

How confident is he?

Sounds a lot like me. Afraid of losing you, but also afraid that getting too close will cause you to leave. Might be something else but I can't quite say from the info.

Perhaps it's time to just 'rip the bandaid off quickly'. He'll either stop bothering you, or if he cares enough, he'll come talk to you.

He acts confidant but I know that he isn't.

Your right I'm just going to let it be and let it pan out naturally.. If it happens then it does and if it doesn't so be it, was meant to be I guess.