The long road alone...

[Noca]

Ive walked the long road alone, my feet hurt. I've lost almost all my friends along the way, I've never felt worse. The only reason I'm still here because either the knife wasnt sharp enough, the car not fast enough nor the drugs not strong enough.

I dont get the point of suffering everyday anymore. I struggle to eat even the simplest of food, I spend my days in physical agony, and mental anguish. Some people say their body is a temple, mine is a prison. Depression is like a cancer of the mind, no one knows what you're going through...

 

[Anomaly]

I live for the hope of the better. Once that hope is gone, I have nothing to life for. That seems like the situation you're in. And don't say that no one knows what you're going through.

 

[hjroloff]

i feel like this is exactly what i am watching happen to my son how can i get him to want help

 

[oxygene]

the pleasure we get from life is much lower than the pain we have to bear. If life was subject to a cost-benefit analysis, I would have to end mine. I don`t think my life will ever get better than this.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I know where you're coming from. If nothing else, you're not alone.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

I know, I'm so sorry.

 

[this_portrait]

I really really REALLY hope that things get better for you. You don't deserve to go through any of this; nobody does.

 

[Mack_Berserk]

It sounds like you need to do something radically different in your life. I can't say I know what you're going through - nobody really can. The level of depression, the exact effect it has on each of us, the circumstances and outside influences - It's all different from person to person.

What I can say is that there was a time in my life where nothing was fun, food tasted bland, nothing was beautiful anymore, and I felt physical pain within. I just wanted to be alone. It only lasted for two months, but I walked that short, painful road with no help. I later found out that it was terminal depression. (For the record, I still experience this and much more, just not as severely).

But I know now that theres much more to life than what we're all going through day to day. If I went through that again, I would completely change up my "daily activities". Do something random. Go rock-climbing. Start working out. Anything to change your mindset, even if it's only for a couple hours.

I would of course also suggest speaking with a professional, if you have not already. That's what I really needed... Unfortunately, I just waited until I could no longer afford help.

Anyway, hang on.

 

[VioletTears]

I'm sorry, Noca. I deal with the same thoughts almost daily and it just plain sucks.

Hjroloff- Your plea for help reminds me so much of what my own parentsa have had to deal with. My brother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia at 14 and refused to admit that he was sick or to accept help. I think it's really hard to force someone... and to try to be persistant without driving them further away. I don't really know what to tell you, but you might want to look to see if you have a local chapter of the Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) or the Mental Health Association. Someone on staff there should be able to talk to you and give you advise, and maybe point you to some other local resources. Good luck and big (((HUGS))) to you.

 

[Lea]

I thought you had pills for everything, Noca. Or are you suffering some withdrawal symptoms now?

 

[LadyWench]

Ive walked the long road alone, my feet hurt. I've lost almost all my friends along the way, I've never felt worse. I'm only still here because either the knife wasnt sharp enough, the car not fast enough or the drugs not strong enough.

I dont get the point of suffering everyday anymore. I struggle to eat even the simplest of food, I spend my days in physical agony, and mental anguish. Some people say their body is a temple, mine is a prison. Depression is like a cancer of the mind, no one knows what you're going through...

All I can say is that I feel exactly the same way. Which I realize is unhelpful...but still...

 

[Noca]

My drugs thankfully rescued me with the help of smoothies to drink. I managed to eat dinner and breakfast without throwing up. I'm nauseous again though. My Ritalin is keeping the depression at bay. I'm still in a lot of physical pain but whats new?

Thanks everyone for replying in my time of need.

 

[doesit]

life is never easy remember this and if it was easy there wouldnt be any point of living it because you wouldnt feel any pleasure in anything.

 

[Noca]

i feel like this is exactly what i am watching happen to my son how can i get him to want help

I was never diagnosed with any mental illness until it was too late and I had attempted suicide for the first time which landed me in a psych ward, that was 4 years ago now.

Your son probably believes the stigma surrounding mental illness and is in denial about it.

 

[Noca]

I thought you had pills for everything, Noca. Or are you suffering some withdrawal symptoms now?

My pills slowly stop working as my body becomes immune to them over time. I couldnt imagine the hell I would go through if I went through opiate withdrawal along with the rest of my meds.

 

[chained]

do u have family? I'm becoming immune to my calming pills... feel really bad just like u... but I go to my mom and the only reason I don't kill myself is cuz of my mom and that I'm that stupid that I wouldn't do it right.. and I'd stay paralized... and that damn hope... do u want to chat, my msn is [email protected]

 

[releaseme]

and once upon a time, came a little thing called hope. to try and save me. that was so long ago. before i knew. and i awake inside alone, everyday. and its only today. and i still...breathe. its been a very long road. and i ask myself a question...when will this alone, end?

people always say...you're not alone.
if i was not alone...i would not feel this way.

 

[Hellhound]

I wish i could say something helpful, but i am in the same situation and can barely do anything. I'm not alone as long as I have my close friends and my guy, but still... I feel empty inside and demotivated as hell.

The only thing I can think of is treatment... Are you being treated? If not, maybe it's time to look for something.