Tell me what you know...

[lunarla]

'Cause I don't think I know anything anymore.

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore…all of the sudden even though you have some place to put your ****, that idea of home is gone…"

I feel this so much. I've been losing myself for so long, and I didn't even realize it. The home I've been growing up in my entire adolescent life, doesn't feel like home. The apartment I'm now living in doesn't feel like home. And I feel so far away from ever feeling that again. I feel so far away from everything that might give me some consistent comfort. I knew myself so much better when I was younger. I feel less innocent and I hate that. Even less naive, and I hate that too. It was taken from me, or maybe I just gave it away because I didn't know any better. Feelings that I felt for at least 3 years of my life were without any foundation. It was nothing, but I clung to it because I perceived it as something. As everythinnnng, almost. I hate perception. I've been thinking that for the longest time. I really hate perception.

That likely doesn't make much sense.

 

[kihira]

'Cause I don't think I know anything anymore.

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore…all of the sudden even though you have some place to put your ****, that idea of home is gone…"

I feel this so much. I've been losing myself for so long, and I didn't even realize it. The home I've been growing up in my entire adolescent life, doesn't feel like home. The apartment I'm now living in doesn't feel like home. And I feel so far away from ever feeling that again. I feel so far away from everything that might give me some consistent comfort. I knew myself so much better when I was younger. I feel less innocent and I hate that. Even less naive, and I hate that too. It was taken from me, or maybe I just gave it away because I didn't know any better. Feelings that I felt for at least 3 years of my life were without any foundation. It was nothing, but I clung to it because I perceived it as something. As everythinnnng, almost. I hate perception. I've been thinking that for the longest time. I really hate perception.

That likely doesn't make much sense.

Maybe home is where the people you love are - family and friends; pets too - and yourself.

Love yourself and you will always have a home?

Perceptions will change as you mature and you learn your own truths rather than those you've been taught as a child

 

[Hastings & Main]

The idea of 'home' disappeared for me, later replaced, slowly, by a haven to be away from everything else.
'Home' will appear again when what firewalk says comes along.

Adolescence slowly kills the child so we can make a life for ourselves in the cold world through hard decisions, & innocence gets nailed in the crossfire most if not all of the time.

 

[Forgotten-Children]

Eh. "Home is where your rump rests" to me. The house I live in now isn't even the one my parents lived in when I was born. It's just I've lived here for 12 years and my old house; 8. But I guess this can be counted as a temperary house until I move out to my boyfriend's house.

 

[coyote]

the older I get, the less I know

but it's ok not to know anything

we spend far too much time knowing stuff, anyway

happiness in life comes from doing stuff and being stuff

you don't need to know anything for that

 

[Dronee]

That likely doesn't make much sense.

Makes perfect sense to me!

 

[lunarla]

I decided to dig up this thread of mine because, as things seem to keep doing lately, everything just falls into place and my questions become answered and my frustrations become relieved.

I love perception. And I even love false perception. Let me explain as well as I possibly can, given I am exceedingly tired and have a pounding headache. I do believe it was EscapeArtist (She always comes up with great stuff to share!) who brought of this gem of a quote - "I do not exist as people see me." And then tonight it seemed to appear again, well at least the same idea.

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define who we are." - Virginia Satir

Now, I used to completely despise perception and how it can be so far away from truth. (Not really in the too far-distant past, as you can see...) Namely, other people's possible perceptions of me. But, as humans, we don't come equipped with the ability to transcend right down to the core of each other at first glance. It's like I used to think that people should just be able to look at me and knowwwww me. How lazy. I've been so very careless with great opportunities to be known. To project myself as meeee. In the (again, not so distant) past, I've been so careless with just great opportunities in general. It's a shame, but now they are here and they are everywhere, all the time. They always were, but now I can recognize them.

I am grateful for the surrounding limited perception that people have of me. Because it challenges me to further cement what I knowwwwwwww to be me, and furthermore, put it outtttt there to be seen.

I had another handful of sentences to relay from my mind to this thread, but they've gone. So now, I'll just relay thissssssss!

YouTube - (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal: The Illusions of Fear & Shadows

As well as this! The quote itself has been posted here lately, but I greatly enjoy the video. (And just everything else from that youtube channel, really. So much goodness to be found!)

YouTube - Our Deepest Fear (Watch in HD)


Oh, I just remembered! I'm also grateful for realizing that I put so much out there of what I hated. I instantly perceived people I had never spoken to before as being something. When I just simply didn't know anything of them. I did that sooooooooooooooo much. I now know that as easily as it is for us to falsely perceive someone, it's just as easy for someone to be putting something out there, the initial "first take" we get of people, to be far from who they actually are. That should not be what makes our mind up about people - what solidifies an us/me vs. them mentality.

And to end, I'll tell you all what I figure I know. What I have discovered is that if I feel something weighing me down, something chipping at me, I know that if I open myself up to it, something (in one format or another) will come along to bring me back around to light externally and internally. And that maybe this is how it works for others too.

You may perceive this as being a tad preachy or whathaveyou, but that is not the place it comes from. Okay, I thinnnnk I'm done. Buh bye, sleep time for me zzzzzzzzzzzzzz