Secretsophie
Member
I'm very new to this site, but I want to jump right in. I feel like I've been searching for a place like this since I started feeling...different. I'm going to use this thread as a diary/journal/a place to record special thoughts and motivational moments. This way people (if they would like to) can get to know me. Comments or anything like that are welcome from anyone friendly
Monday, April 4, 2011
It was a very mundane morning, I woke up tired and disappointed like I do every morning, I waited around for my ride like I do every morning, and I went to go get my coffee at McDonald's like I do every morning. School started at 9 and class was as uneventful as it can get in that school.
I can't be sure due to lack of experience, but I think one of the students I don't see a lot was trying to engage me in a conversation. I should have at least tried to be responsive. I'll try harder tomorrow. I'm doing better than the week before though, I had an entire 40 minute conversation with my classmates (the three of us) about a teacher we dislike, about our future expectations, and even about some of our unrealistic dreams. It shocked me when I started giggling when someone started dancing and humming a song when the teacher stepped out.
I'm also getting more comfortable when a student sits next to me, depending on who it is. Someone put his hands on my shoulders on Friday and I almost started crying, I'm not exactly sure why. It sent me over the edge to be touched by someone who I barely considered a friend. Thankfully, it was over in a few seconds and no one noticed my discomfort.
During the last half hour of school I started feeling very anxious. I know why at least. I was feeling stressed out about my school work, it all felt so hard and I felt like everyone around me was expecting me to do well. Because I started feeling anxious about my work, I started thinking that people would start noticing my breathing, the way I was sitting, everything. It's like a snowball that I can't stop once it starts. I need to let it roll down the hill until it stops on it's own, no matter how long it takes. If anyone tries to interrupt during my anxiety attack it just gets worse. I don't know how to stop this.
I came home at around 2 O'clock, had some chicken and watched re-runs of law and order special victims.
Now it's 4:08, just finished watching the last episode for the day. I'll update once I'm in bed I guess, or if nothing happens, I won't write at all.
Later that night...
I took care of my two dogs (Shay and Stretch), watched some nature shows, and tried to talk to my dad about needing some money. It ended up with screaming, crying, and then a lot of anger.
I'm going to sleep now, tomorrow will be a better day.
Monday, April 4, 2011
It was a very mundane morning, I woke up tired and disappointed like I do every morning, I waited around for my ride like I do every morning, and I went to go get my coffee at McDonald's like I do every morning. School started at 9 and class was as uneventful as it can get in that school.
I can't be sure due to lack of experience, but I think one of the students I don't see a lot was trying to engage me in a conversation. I should have at least tried to be responsive. I'll try harder tomorrow. I'm doing better than the week before though, I had an entire 40 minute conversation with my classmates (the three of us) about a teacher we dislike, about our future expectations, and even about some of our unrealistic dreams. It shocked me when I started giggling when someone started dancing and humming a song when the teacher stepped out.
I'm also getting more comfortable when a student sits next to me, depending on who it is. Someone put his hands on my shoulders on Friday and I almost started crying, I'm not exactly sure why. It sent me over the edge to be touched by someone who I barely considered a friend. Thankfully, it was over in a few seconds and no one noticed my discomfort.
During the last half hour of school I started feeling very anxious. I know why at least. I was feeling stressed out about my school work, it all felt so hard and I felt like everyone around me was expecting me to do well. Because I started feeling anxious about my work, I started thinking that people would start noticing my breathing, the way I was sitting, everything. It's like a snowball that I can't stop once it starts. I need to let it roll down the hill until it stops on it's own, no matter how long it takes. If anyone tries to interrupt during my anxiety attack it just gets worse. I don't know how to stop this.
I came home at around 2 O'clock, had some chicken and watched re-runs of law and order special victims.
Now it's 4:08, just finished watching the last episode for the day. I'll update once I'm in bed I guess, or if nothing happens, I won't write at all.
Later that night...
I took care of my two dogs (Shay and Stretch), watched some nature shows, and tried to talk to my dad about needing some money. It ended up with screaming, crying, and then a lot of anger.
I'm going to sleep now, tomorrow will be a better day.
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