sometimes, I feel alienated

[3lefts]

I just need to get this out of my system.
I'm having trouble with my identity. When I'm with other people I don't feel like myself. I feel like I leave myself behind and that's why sometimes when I'm around people too long I'll just want to be alone.
This is where I'm confused because, I'm still myself, I can't be anyone else, in my attempts I just become so focused on everyone else.
I get stuck on supposed to be's and supposed to do's. For communications. Sometimes I think myself isn't appropriate.
With so many emotions, I'll do things I don't want to do, become what I don't want to be. And I don't understand why I'll act that way.
I've been concentrating all my efforts on being appropriate. I wonder if this is the reason I feel so lost.
What I feel usually conflicts with what everyone else thinks. I receive uneven feedback. I'm in the middle of so many thoughts. I feel like in my head, I'm not in the same world everyone else is. Being appropriate becomes being realistic, but to me I am realistic, to them I am not.
Or I feel like all I am, are these peculiar attempts to act right.
I'm not worried about ridicule, I've lived with that. I'm worried about causing conflict. Worried about making problems for the people that care about me and causing issues for other people. I'm worried about not being accepted, and being hard to get along with. I'm worried that the person I am, is too difficult to be. I want everyone to be happy.
I guess I'll figure it out.

 

[vj288]

I'm not worried about ridicule, I've lived with that. I'm worried about causing conflict. Worried about making problems for the people that care about me and causing issues for other people. I'm worried about not being accepted, and being hard to get along with. I'm worried that the person I am, is too difficult to be. I want everyone to be happy.
I guess I'll figure it out.

I feel the same way, especially that part^

 

[PunkRotten]

Thats part of being yourself. You have to be despite it bothering others. But the problem is you have this guilt that is imaginary. But the thing is, maybe others have accepted your role as being easy and lacking any control, assertiveness, aggression or whatever, and so they are not ready for anything else. I have this problem sometimes and I find that people sometimes try and pressure me. But I insist on doing things my way if I agree or disagree. You can't let others push you around.

You just can't care what they think. Your identity is important here. Don't worry about upsetting others. You have a life of your own.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

Causing conflict isn't anything to be ashamed about, as long as you abide by the social rules and know what is acceptable to talk about and what isn't. It is inevitable if you meet enough people, that you will run into people that share different and opposing views to yours. Even good friends have the occasional argument or two. I am not suggesting that getting into arguments is a good thing of course, but you can learn something when you hear the opposing viewpoint. You learn how other people's brains tick, what their fears are, what causes them anxiety. You can then take this on board, and either help the person overcome their problems or find some solution that is acceptable to both of you.

 

[tiscircle]

In a social context, I don't feel obliged to talk to people because I just don't find it necessary. Granted people will think I'm weird. Sometimes I think they're right. But still.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Oh wow. You described that well. I'm going to take chunks of that out and write them down to remember the way you put it, if you don't mind. I have no assistance to offer, because this is my main problem as well.

 

[Acegame]

Lately i'm also having troubles with my identity. Before, when i ever heard people complaining about having trouble finding their identity, i didn't understand why people ever would be worrying about that. Untill just recently. I always wonder how to act in certain situations. There are so many possible options to react on things, that i wonder what my reaction should be. But when i talk about this to other people (or just imagining talking about it with someone) they would say, "hey, just be yourself!".

Now, what is just being yourself?? They probably mean that you should act how you normally would act around them. But is that really the person who you are? Do your actions make who you really are? That would mean that if you do something different for a long period of time, you are a different person then before. Being myself now, would mean something totally different then say 15 years ago. Now being myself would mean to get really anxious when people are staring at me sitting in the train opposed to someone. So if people would say to me now, just be yourself, should i get nervous everytime when im in social situations? That doesn't sound right to me, or does it? So do your actions make who you are? I certainly hope not. Then what is?

I'm sorry, this is not very helpfull. This has nothing to do with anything you said does it......Interesting thread though.

 

[3lefts]

So do your actions make who you are? I certainly hope not. Then what is?

Apparently our thoughts are actions themselves. Once you've thought something it has an impact beyond you. I don't know really, that gets into physics and I'm not quite researched on it.
But it's what I've pondered while questioning what makes us who we are. Sometimes I feel stuck as this person to somebody. They begin to treat me according to that image but they based it off of my actions so how could it not be who I am? Yet it doesn't feel like me.
Are we no different in the way we perceive ourselves? From our single consciousness we've been given more information about ourselves then we could ever share. So we've created an image of ourselves too, it's just more specific because it's more information.
Is our mind just collecting information and responding accordingly?
We could be simpler and just as efficient.
Maybe this thinking that we do. Our consciousness, is separate. We are functioned to learn and respond just like every other living being and that's enough. Our consciousness questions our natural functions. Maybe we're not meant to choose, but simply act in response to our environment.

 

[3lefts]

You can't let others push you around.

I can't be aggressive, but I'm trying to be more assertive. It's hard deciphering when I'm not respecting myself though. It'll be the next day that I realise I enabled somebody to use me. I'm really trying to understand and change this...

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

i agree with the other world part, it just seems like how much experiance is experianced it's just like being far away from other people mentally. It's like being aware of things that don't have to be thought of at the moment.