Social skills are that of a 5 year old, perhaps even younger...

[1139]

Because I have no friends and I have a very monotonous job, my social skills are extremely poor and un-practiced. So whenever large group scenarios arise I often look like a complete social retard, and often feel like my job is continually jeopardized because of it. You never really know how bad your social skills are until your placed smack bang in the middle of a large group for a whole day or two. It's like sending a soldier off into battle without a weapon. Sure, small groups aren't too bad, as long as their for short periods of time. But large groups, for long periods, in a small confined space, create so much pressure on me and discomfort, that I lose the ability to actually care what I look like. I also lack attention span, quite severely, which only heightens my SA as well. My social skills and SA are that bad, that I can't even befriend people at work who obviously don't have many friends, not even they want to hang out with me... At first I come off as probably an ok guy, I usually put on a facade or some what of a social persona when I first meet people, but this facade very quickly fades, and people discover the real me. The depressive, anti-social, boring, me.... I keep thinking that as I get older my social skills will improve, but they don't, and never do... :thumbup:

 

[jaim38]

Same here. In groups, I feel like "the baby" because I ask people dumb questions and overall just do embarrassing things. My social skills are subpar probably because I'm immature for my age. Plus my parents didn't teach me good social skills, and sometimes I pick up bad social habits from them. It didn't help that my mother was paranoid and highly suspicious of other people. Now I'm in my 20s starting to learn social skills all over again, right from the beginning. This time, without family influence.

 

[1139]

I don't know if blaming your parents for your social disinterests is the best way to go, then again, I don't know your parents... For me, I started avoiding everyone at the end of high school, and never really got back out of it... I've met a couple of people after high school but we're not friends anymore...

 

[PGT]

Because I have no friends and I have a very monotonous job, my social skills are extremely poor and un-practiced. So whenever large group scenarios arise I often look like a complete social retard, and often feel like my job is continually jeopardized because of it. You never really know how bad your social skills are until your placed smack bang in the middle of a large group for a whole day or two. It's like sending a soldier off into battle without a weapon. Sure, small groups aren't too bad, as long as their for short periods of time. But large groups, for long periods, in a small confined space, create so much pressure on me and discomfort, that I lose the ability to actually care what I look like. I also lack attention span, quite severely, which only heightens my SA as well. My social skills and SA are that bad, that I can't even befriend people at work who obviously don't have many friends, not even they want to hang out with me... At first I come off as probably an ok guy, I usually put on a facade or some what of a social persona when I first meet people, but this facade very quickly fades, and people discover the real me. The depressive, anti-social, boring, me.... I keep thinking that as I get older my social skills will improve, but they don't, and never do... :thumbup:

This is exactly how I feel. I couldn't explain it any better myself. I have been trying to improve my skills but it is not working. I just cannot relax and be myself in large groups and I am starting to realise that I may never overcome this problem.

 

[Lea]

I hate the word "skills", because it´s no skills at all, everyone who is good at it has it inborn. From my experience, it cannot be learned even if you stood yourself on the head.
It is possible to learn a bit way around it, including things like talking on the phone, going shopping, traveling or dealing with public offices. But don´t ever place me in a social setting for too long, then it comes out. You´re too quiet, alienlike, don´t get what others are doing, if they are talking in a joking way, I don´t always get the point of it and am the only one who doesn´t get it, while all others are laughing. I have to ask questions even though all others know what´s going on. By some mystery people can say I am quiet, even in situations where everyone else is quiet, like in a lecture. The lecturers spot me and say I am extremely quiet and if I have panic attack or that I look like I had some trauma. Once I was in a recruitment for working on cruiseships, and the man told me how come I was so quiet and if I had some trauma or something, and that I couldn´t work on a cruiseship like this. I said, I just wanted to be a housekeeper, and he said I couldn´t even be a housekeeper because this is work with people as well, you need to have good communication skills, be outgoing and smiley. And this is just one of X similar examples.

 

[jaim38]

I don't know if blaming your parents for your social disinterests is the best way to go, then again, I don't know your parents... For me, I started avoiding everyone at the end of high school, and never really got back out of it... I've met a couple of people after high school but we're not friends anymore...

I'm trying not to blame my parents for everything, but then I probably shouldn't point fingers at anyone. I know they have flaws but still love and feel grateful to them for raising me all these years (instead of giving me away for instance). What I'm saying is that the past affects the present, so the way I turned out today is partially influenced by people and events from the past. But this time I want to start all over again, without letting the past influence me.

But that's only half the battle. I also have barriers in myself I must overcome. My avoidant, immature personality also contributed to poor social skills on my part. I need to fix this and get better at it somehow.

 

[Froggy246]

Yea I don't enjoy operating in groups at all, I can manage to feel ok and able to talk freely with two other people, three at a push provided they are not the director or department head etc. Other than that I am extremely restricted in what I can contribute, I could perhaps manage a very very short answer to a question after a long delay, but that would come with a shaky voice, I'm pretty much a mute in meetings.
I hate those horrid in house courses where the dreaded flip chart comes out and you have to get into groups. I just can't brain storm and think straight in those situations, and always feel like the people in my group are annoyed at my lack of contribution, and then of course because of this someone might think or even say 'well it's only fair that you read it out since we did all the work haha' which I'm sure people on here will understand the effect of this suggestion.
I usually only stay in jobs until I feel that people have started to catch on to my social deficiencies, I really do feel like the quietest person in the world sometimes, and I get the impression that in many workplaces this is not a welcome trait.

 

[Zetz]

I'm the same, i always think at work my job is at risk coz if you dont socialise your not part of the team and teamwork is everything, like on nights out if u dont attend afterwards people will be abit strange towards you, im generally quite nice but guess it takes more than that, overall i keep myself to myself though. Also the thing about the parents its the same with me my parents tend to react awkwardly towards normal social settings like having people round and stuff, guess thats had influence on me aswell.

 

[Tamara89]

I'm the exact same as jaim, very similar childhood where family is pretty anti social. I have had this illness since 3/4ish. We're not blaming our parents but pointing out similarities in that we grew up in an environment that definitely helped contribute to this illness and conditioned us to be this way

 

[Amitush123]

Don't know if it depends on the family, mine is perfectly normal. I have a brother and a sister, both with jobs, family..I do not feel related to them

 

[Tamara89]

Yeah I'm sure you don't need to grow up in a chaotic or antisocial house to have this illness, in fact I've just met this girl who is so out there and bubbly and crazy but still has social phobia and panic attacks. We come from all walks of life. I just think people like us are more susceptible and were meant to have this but I think having an environment like that def doesn't help the illness. I hope you get better though. Have you tried relaxation techniques in social situations?

 

[Amitush123]

Yeah I'm sure you don't need to grow up in a chaotic or antisocial house to have this illness, in fact I've just met this girl who is so out there and bubbly and crazy but still has social phobia and panic attacks. We come from all walks of life. I just think people like us are more susceptible and were meant to have this but I think having an environment like that def doesn't help the illness. I hope you get better though. Have you tried relaxation techniques in social situations?

Problem is, when I'm having a wave of depression - I don't want to get out of it..and the only thing I want to do during that wave is to drink alcohol or take pills..
but thanks!

 

[Tamara89]

I totally understand. I've used in the past to help me get through social things. I also suffer from depression so I get that horrible feeling as well.. I just want to runaway. I try to distract myself in social settings and not think too hard of what I want to say otherwise ill get my words jumbled. I'm probably not all there when people talk to me but they understand me and see the funny side to it

 

[1139]

This is exactly how I feel. I couldn't explain it any better myself. I have been trying to improve my skills but it is not working. I just cannot relax and be myself in large groups and I am starting to realise that I may never overcome this problem.

Are you ok in small groups? Cause usually im ok with them. Actually, at first, im still crap in small groups, and only progress over time. Maybe we're being too hard on our selves, we dont have to be the alpha male in all social settings do we? Must be so draining for the ones who do, although their probably use to it so it probably isnt draining at all.. I just feel that we're expected to fit in and be comfortable like most others so when we dont we feel inadequate. For me, I believe the root of my SA is anti socialness and the root of my anti socialness is depression. But I also know its not as black n white as that either.

 

[jigglypuff]

I know exactly how you feel...
when it comes to saying a few words to one person i'm kinda okay with but when it comes to a full-on conversation I try to avoid it if I can't people see this boring, depress, anti-social me
and iv'e been like that since I was 5 in elementary I would always be alone and will never talk to anyone I thought that by 2nd grade I would at least have the courage to interact with other kids my age but I think iv'e only ended up worst because I got so used to being alone and I'm most comfortable being alone than being around people but now I have to force myself to be more social cause I have to learn how to talk more to people before I get job...

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Lol I know what you mean. Online right now I feel good and then when I'm actually out it's fight or flight response until I know for sure it's safe which is hard to know. I'm not sure if this will help, but if I have to see a large group of people I make sure to have an escape plan. For instance, I say I gotta go at a certain time so the worry of having to stay indefinitely won't be a problem.

 

[MotherWolff]

I'm trying not to blame my parents for everything, but then I probably shouldn't point fingers at anyone.

Yeah. Me too. But maybe it was the environment you were raised in.

 

[SilentBird]

A lot of people's abilities to communicate and socialize are innate, but they need to be nurtured.