Social Phobia at work

[Jodie-Tyler]

I wondered if anyone is working with SP/SA (what ever you wish to call it.)
Any stories would help. Whether work helped you overcome your SP or if it made it worse.

My story:
I'm struggling with work with my SP. I've been working on and off for 2years, and have been in my current Admin job for just over 4 months now and my SP is really holding me back.
I'm really considering quitting. But in this economy I need the income, which puts more pressure and stress on me.

I really want to overcome my SP, but is it true what they say 'Throw yourself in the deep end and you'll get over it'
Or is that a step backwards. Do you have to take baby steps?
Any stories or thoughts will be much appreciated.
Jodie x

 

[NVN]

I thought I would improve when I started my last job. I have been doing it for 1 year now. It has not improved my social phobia etc. My job is very public.

I think it might have made it worse.

 

[BlueDays]

I really want to overcome my SP, but is it true what they say 'Throw yourself in the deep end and you'll get over it'
Or is that a step backwards. Do you have to take baby steps?

SA has also made my past working experiences hell on earth. It nearly killed me in fact. The only thing that has made any difference is the different way of thinking that comes with age. Like I will no longer allow a boss to torment and bully me to the ground anymore.
Imo, "throwing yourself in the deep end" can cause severe trauma due to it being so unpredictable. I believe "baby steps" are the safest and surest way to go.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

I thought I would improve when I started my last job. I have been doing it for 1 year now. It has not improved my social phobia etc. My job is very public.

I think it might have made it worse.

What area of work do you do? I thought an office job would be perfect for me, I still do, but I've always imagend maybe not a separate office just for me, but a fairly closed off area. But my job is, like I said, Admin. Computer work etc etc but I work in an open plan office and I'm too afraid to use the phones. My boss rarely asks me to make phone calls but when she does I get someone else to do them and don't tell I wasn't the one who did it. Other colleges work around my ridiculous fear of using phones.
I'm really freaking out because in 1month I'm changing departments. And where I am now makes me SP really bad, where I'm moving too is alot more public, and I'll have to meet and greet people. I'm so scared.

Do you people where you work know you have SP? Or do they think you're just a shy person in general?
Do they work around you, or are you too afraid to tell anyone about SP?

Thanks for input

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

SA has also made my past working experiences hell on earth. It nearly killed me in fact. The only thing that has made any difference is the different way of thinking that comes with age. Like I will no longer allow a boss to torment and bully me to the ground anymore.
Imo, "throwing yourself in the deep end" can cause severe trauma due to it being so unpredictable. I believe "baby steps" are the safest and surest way to go.

Thank you for your reply.
People in my life, none of who have SP, or are shy people, keep saying 'just do it, and your concur (not sure if that's the right spelling) your fears' I've never known how to respond to that. But you saying its 'unpredictable' sums it up perfectly.
The thing is taking baby steps, in the long run will be great, but in the now, its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You may not be over SP but is it any better than it was? If so how long did it take you to stop and think 'my god, look how far I've come by taking baby steps' ??

 

[NVN]

What area of work do you do?

...


Do you people where you work know you have SP? Or do they think you're just a shy person in general?
Do they work around you, or are you too afraid to tell anyone about SP?

Thanks for input

I am basically a janitor in a hospital. But its a little more complicated than that. I clean patient rooms mostly but I do everywhere from ICU to the O.R. and the morgue. Fun times.

I am around tons of people every day. New faces, old faces. Some people remember my name. Most people know me as "that guy" or "cleaner guy".

Nobody knows I have any "disorder" but they can tell. I am also a very depressed person. I will rarely talk to anyone. If I do, its just awkward.

I try my best around patients, but the rest I could care less what they think of me. I hate 99 percent of my coworkers. Being the lowest paid employee has a lot to do with it. Haha.

On a scale from 1 - 10 my problems are a solid 10. I don't want to live. I thought this job might be so terrible it would help me, but it just seemed to amplify all my fears. I worry so much I make myself sick.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

I am basically a janitor in a hospital. But its a little more complicated than that. I clean patient rooms mostly but I do everywhere from ICU to the O.R. and the morgue. Fun times.

Being the lowest paid employee has a lot to do with it. Haha.

On a scale from 1 - 10 my problems are a solid 10. I don't want to live. I thought this job might be so terrible it would help me, but it just seemed to amplify all my fears. I worry so much I make myself sick.

As this is on SP UK can I assume you work for the NHS? Because I do too.
In an office though. I've always thought working in the morgue would be fun, but that's me.
I too am the lowest paid employee, so I don't feel that I can tell people about my SP and ask them to work around it because it's not their problem it's mine.

Your depressed too ey? Join the club. If you could summarise the stuff that makes you depressed what would they be?

J x

 

[NVN]

Didn't even notice which forum this was in. Sorry, I am in Canada.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Oh. No problem. Continue.

 

[NVN]

I do not know if environment has a direct impact on my feelings. I think it is partially responsible, but not fully responsible.

In my previous job I was more comfortable around the workers, but I still hated the job. My feelings get so bad that I do not want to go to work. I think if I could find a job that could be done in solitude I would be happy.

 

[NVN]

Also, I feel my problems effect me so much that it is actually shaping the way I live my life. I know I am smart, yet I am afraid to go to school to do something more with my life.

I forget where, but somewhere I read that certain individuals will take jobs below their skill set... on purpose. It has to do with very poor self esteem. I always beat myself up. I always have. I could do better if my brain would let me.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

mmmmm, I agree, If I could find a job that was in complete solitude, I too would be happy

But life ain't perfect, and I've come to terms with the fact that I wont be able to find that 'perfect' job right away.

I have the same problem in that I don't push myself to do better even though I know I can.
For me I think it's 50% SP and 50% a fear of failing.
The saying "what would you rather be: 'big fish in a small pond' or 'little fish in a big pond' "

I like being the big fish in the small pond. In the sense that if I go for a low skilled jobs, which I can do perferctly well, I'll feel smart and confident. Whereas if I took a high skilled job that I could do, with little pushes along the way, would make me feel super stressed and inadequate.

 

[Alphasocket]

The last time I had a job was years ago. The reason I haven't been working since is because of my SA. Working environments scare the hell out of me. My experience of working in my last two jobs was dreadful. One was working in a bar and the other was in a factory. In the bar, I was surrounded by people all the time, as you can imagine, and it got to the stage where I became mute almost all the time. There is nothing as bad as an unsociable barman. Before I started at the factory, I thought that because I'd have less contact with people I would be able to make money more comfortably. It backfired. The place was a nightmare. Not only was the work crappy and tedious, the place was filled to the brim with people who knew each other well and I quickly felt like a fifth wheel. Nightmare.

Don't throw yourself in the deep end because that won't work. Baby steps is the way to go. You can't run before you walk. You can't walk before you crawl.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

The last time I had a job was years ago. The reason I haven't been working since is because of my SA. Working environments scare the hell out of me. My experience of working in my last two jobs was dreadful. One was working in a bar and the other was in a factory. In the bar, I was surrounded by people all the time, as you can imagine, and it got to the stage where I became mute almost all the time. There is nothing as bad as an unsociable barman. Before I started at the factory, I thought that because I'd have less contact with people I would be able to make money more comfortably. It backfired. The place was a nightmare. Not only was the work crappy and tedious, the place was filled to the brim with people who knew each other well and I quickly felt like a fifth wheel. Nightmare.

Don't throw yourself in the deep end because that won't work. Baby steps is the way to go. You can't run before you walk. You can't walk before you crawl.

Yeah, I've found that the jobs that don't require alot of skills and qualifications, are the more public jobs, such as bar tending. Which sucks, because with SP/SA you're constantly trying to find something in the middle.

May I ask how you're coping without having a job now? (of if you have one again now,) How you coped being unemplyed because of SA?

Because to me, SA is a ridiculous fear, and a really hard one to explain, so I tend not to tell people I work with I have it.

Thanks for your post. Much appreciated.
J x

 

[Kinetik]

Hi Jodie, I work in roughly the same field (bookkeeping) and I find it very difficult going in to work. The toughest part is the anticipation. I wake up and feel panicky and it's hard to force myself to walk in and be brisk/friendly to people.

The other two issues I have are making small talk with other people around the office and using the phone. I'm okay with calling people I know, but if I have to phone other companies or clients it's very tricky and I get nervous which leads me to sometimes mess up my wording. I have also hung up on people before. I generally try and stay very focused on what I'm doing in an effort to put people off talking to me, because if I have an awkward interaction with someone I tend to obsess over it for a long time afterwards.

I go for smoke breaks as often as I can because it gives me an excuse to clear my head and be alone if need be. I've self-medicated a couple of times with alcohol during the day but it got too stressful covering up my tipsiness so I stopped doing that.

It doesn't seem to be getting any easier for me. Every day is like an endurance test, rather than something I feel I can stick out indefinitely.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

anticipation is correct. When I KNOW that all I have to do is pack up boxes or create documents or proof read stuff, I'm more than willing to come into work.
It's not knowing what my boss has planned for me, and whether I'll be able to handle it or not.

Over thinking things like that is a symptom of SP that is really hard to cope with.
Are there any kind of routines you do before work to make you less nervous?
I always check my email and listen to music while no one is in the office. (I get into work really early) and usually the tasks set for me that day will be emailed to me, so I give myself anough time to go through them and think of the best way to approuch each task.
J x

 

[Kinetik]

anticipation is correct. When I KNOW that all I have to do is pack up boxes or create documents or proof read stuff, I'm more than willing to come into work.
It's not knowing what my boss has planned for me, and whether I'll be able to handle it or not.

Over thinking things like that is a symptom of SP that is really hard to cope with.
Are there any kind of routines you do before work to make you less nervous?
I always check my email and listen to music while no one is in the office. (I get into work really early) and usually the tasks set for me that day will be emailed to me, so I give myself anough time to go through them and think of the best way to approuch each task.
J x

I wouldn't say I have a routine, but one thing that's really helped me is to think about the convos I'm likely to have with people, and try to rehearse them a bit in my head beforehand. I do often read the news or the sports before I go in, or else I'll think of something funny/stupid that happened to me, just so I can have some ammunition for when people start talking to me. I find if I prepare myself a bit for those moments then they're usually not too bad.

Something similar that I do when it comes to the phone is to have a concrete opening line in my mind (or sometimes I even write it on the computer screen). I find if I can nail that opener then the rest of the conversation flows really easily.

Maybe these things will help you too. Either way I hope you find a way to deal with your job. It would be such a shame to quit after coming so far.

 

[Jodie-Tyler]

Good point. Yeah I've worked really hard to find this job and to get it, and it would be a shame to throw it away. I feel really fortunate having this website to help me and give me feedback when things get differcult.
Good idea about rehearsing likely conversations. I've never tried that but I'm going to.
Thanks for all your help.

J

 

[Alphasocket]

Yeah, I've found that the jobs that don't require alot of skills and qualifications, are the more public jobs, such as bar tending. Which sucks, because with SP/SA you're constantly trying to find something in the middle.

May I ask how you're coping without having a job now? (of if you have one again now,) How you coped being unemplyed because of SA?

Because to me, SA is a ridiculous fear, and a really hard one to explain, so I tend not to tell people I work with I have it.

Thanks for your post. Much appreciated.
J x

Thanks for the reply, Jodie. Unfortunately, I'm not well enough to work because of my mental state. I get by on the benefits I receive, my hobbies and the love for a good cuppa and a ciggie

 

[Feathers]

Jodie, a job where I had to meet and greet people was much less stressful than another that required less people contact - it really depends on the co-workers and what you're supposed to do or say etc. People were usually nice and happy to see me.. It depends if people you'd see would be miserable/upset/ill/angry or just normal nice people.. (would you have to work with complaints or something?)

Can you get the boss to send you e-mails on what to do the previous day/night, so you'd know what to do? And maybe give you an overall plan for the week/month ahead too? Someone with a not very 'organized' boss recommended that on another site.. You'd probably have to ask ahead each time (I tried to 'train' my parents to tell me in things advance, usually works best when I ask them..)

Also, are you working on you sa? (CBT, anti-SA 'Step by step' program etc?)

I liked reading a motivational book in the morning, before going to work.. Quotes on motivation/inspiration or such..

NVN, I admire you for being able to do that! I'd probably get depressed and miserable in that job, kudos to be doing it...

I'm kinda 'between jobs' right now, thought to maybe start my own biz or non-profit, not sure if that's gonna happen though, so not sure what to do next.. I do some volunteering etc. I wish I could find a job/career/biz that I could be good in and do well..