So this is what "normal" people think of us?

[79_89_99IneIneIne]

I typed in shyness on wikiquote and these douche baggy quotes came up:

"The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him. He is able, to a certain extent, to communicate his misery. He frightens other people as much as they frighten him. He acts like a damper upon the whole room, and the most jovial spirits become, in his presence, depressed and nervous." - Jerome K. Jerome

"Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people." - Andre Dubus

I really don't agree that shyness/SA has anything to do with narcissism. Narcissists are in love with themselves. People with SA don't think everyone is judging/staring at them because they think they are so great, its because they think they are horrible..or at least for me thats how it is. I dunno these quotes just kind of bothered, stupid i know.

Buuuuut I did like this quote that came up:

"He's not an asshole, he's just shy. I think you have shy/asshole confusion, my friend."
Larry David

At least Larry David gets it.

 

[Klaus]

It's a kind of power to frighten even the most jovial spirits.

 

[Havocan]

"Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people." - Andre Dubus

Important in the way that they can critizise, reject, scoff and make a fool out of the SA person. Since the person with SA {and APD} is so fed up with how he/she performs and looks and constantly worries that he/she isn't good enough to not receive critics, the narcissism has been brought up. I think Mr. Dubus went a little too far, since it's not about "being the best", it's about "being normal".

 

[Emmmmy]

"Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people." - Andre Dubus

I'm sure he has no idea of the true meaning of narcissism. I've never come across a shy person with a 'sense of grandiosity'. I agree, self consciousness is not the same as believing you're great.

"He's not an asshole, he's just shy. I think you have shy/asshole confusion, my friend."
Larry David

At least Larry David gets it.

Yesss, good old Larry. I love Larry David - I feel like him sometimes.... 'a victim of circumstances'!.

 

[Sacrament]

I typed in shyness on wikiquote and these douche baggy quotes came up:

"The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him. He is able, to a certain extent, to communicate his misery. He frightens other people as much as they frighten him. He acts like a damper upon the whole room, and the most jovial spirits become, in his presence, depressed and nervous." - Jerome K. Jerome

"Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people." - Andre Dubus

These are actually true, so I don't know what your problem is.

 

[cosmosis]

Important in the way that they can critizise, reject, scoff and make a fool out of the SA person. Since the person with SA {and APD} is so fed up with how he/she performs and looks and constantly worries that he/she isn't good enough to not receive critics, the narcissism has been brought up. I think Mr. Dubus went a little too far, since it's not about "being the best", it's about "being normal".

Right. From an outside perspective, people with SA look like they are narcissistic because they are focused on themselves. It's true, but unfair to say that because the focus in on the pain and the desperate quest to stop the pain at all costs. It's not about trying to look good, it's about stopping yourself from looking bad.

 

[Satine]

I don't know exactly what the medical definition of narcisism is, and I don't have time to check right now, but I can only imagine this is true in some kind of classic sense, not in the sense we're more familiar with.

I think we do generally put a lot of thought into what others'll think of us, but it's not out of a perverse self-love, it's out of an unrealistically critical eye. I think that many of us have learned through a bad experience that we should watch how we come across very, very carefully indeed - and the result is that we end up watching so closely that we see mroe faults than are really there. Then we start feeling that we can't possibly live up to what we consider 'normal', and then get worried at being with other people at all.

But I don't think this is bourne of self-love. Love includes acceptance.

 

[79_89_99IneIneIne]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Definition
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and in other areas of their life, such as work or school. In particular, narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by dramatic, emotional behavior, in the same category as histrionic, antisocial and borderline personality disorders. Narcissistic personality disorder treatment is centered around psychotherapy.

Symptoms
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may also seek out others you think have the same special talents, power and qualities — people you see as equals. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.


from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

 

[SickJoke]

"Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people." - Andre Dubus

I really don't agree that shyness/SA has anything to do with narcissism. Narcissists are in love with themselves. People with SA don't think everyone is judging/staring at them because they think they are so great, its because they think they are horrible..or at least for me thats how it is. I dunno these quotes just kind of bothered, stupid i know.

He's right.

2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

By the way I love Larry David, I have 5 seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm on DVD

 

[79_89_99IneIneIne]

He's right.

2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

I don't lack empathy and i think there are a lot of people on this website that don't lack empathy either.

 

[SickerJoke]

He's right.

2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

I don't lack empathy and i think there are a lot of people on this website that don't lack empathy either.

Not all the time, no. But when you're completely focused on yourself and your own self-consciousness, there's no room to think about everyone else's interests, you're too busy worrying about yourself.

 

[79_89_99IneIneIne]

Yeah but I think that is different than just completely lacking empathy, like narcissists do.

 

[madmike]

yeah, denial... truth hurts i guess.

Stop looking for ways to get yourself down, it doesn't matter what people think, right? If you stop letting things like that bother you it might help you ovecome SA

 

[lettypagb]

nothing works if you have anxiety ,NOTHING.

 

[SickeningJoke]

nothing works if you have anxiety ,NOTHING.

As long as you believe that, it will be true for you. As soon as you open your mind to new beliefs, you can start making changes.

 

[lettypagb]

OMG WHY DONT YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP ?

 

[Ubersonic]

They believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem

I feel that I'm inferior too most others (with good reason). I do worry about other people's feelings, probably too much. That's one of the reasons why I'm afraid to talk, I might upset them.

Mask of ultra-confidence? yeah right...

 

[NormanBates]

Damper on the room ...

Yes it is true. But I usually just laugh it off as a mere sideshow of my surroundings.

Anyway, thank heavens that we're not all the same.

So what if other people get scared when we're around. Maybe they need the scaring - they're not top of the foodchain.

 

[bleach]

Neither of those first two quotes seem like 'normal' people talking. More likely it is two shy people commenting on their own condition in a generalized way. Extroverts do not 't ponder so deeply on shyness (or anything else). Bear in mind that shy people tend to be highly critical of themselves, also.

 

[dpr]

I typed in shyness on wikiquote and these douche baggy quotes came up:

"The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him. He is able, to a certain extent, to communicate his misery. He frightens other people as much as they frighten him. He acts like a damper upon the whole room, and the most jovial spirits become, in his presence, depressed and nervous." - Jerome K. Jerome

"Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people." - Andre Dubus

I really don't agree that shyness/SA has anything to do with narcissism. Narcissists are in love with themselves. People with SA don't think everyone is judging/staring at them because they think they are so great, its because they think they are horrible..or at least for me thats how it is. I dunno these quotes just kind of bothered, stupid i know.

Buuuuut I did like this quote that came up:

"He's not an asshole, he's just shy. I think you have shy/asshole confusion, my friend."
Larry David

At least Larry David gets it.

hahahaha... that's an awesome quote by Larry! Is that from Curb Your Enthusiasm?

I do agree with the narcissism quote though. I think he is using narcissism in a "self-absorbed" sense.

He doesn't necessarily mean that we are shy because we think we're so great. I think he means more like we're shy because we can't stop thinking about ourselves, what happens to us is more important than anything else.

Which is true, in a way.

I hear other people describe their problems sometimes, and I think to myself, "Yeah but their lives aren't as messed up as mine!"

There's a bit of narcissism in SA/SP, I think.