so hard to just 'get going'...

[cowboyup]

Good points! re: hobby part. lol...I had just been 'preached' on the hobby thing and I jumped the gun on it. Sorry about that.

There can be no real substitution for human interaction. Actually when I think about it (or when others tell me to get a hobby) I feel better when I am able to go to the store, for example, and even if it's in the check out line, say, hi, please, thank you.. whatever it may be. That does help. I just started in with a Meet up group in which several people meet a couple times a month and we all have the same thing in common, SA (Anxiety/panic attacks, etc) so we all can relate.

hope I clarified and didn't mean to push 'hobby' so much

 

[lurknomore]

Exactly. It feels hollow and repetitious because these hobbies don't consist of hanging out with real live people. Look around at people that seem happy. People that smile or laugh when you pass them. They are always with someone, whether it be a friend or spouse or whatever.

You don't lack motivation. You are just like me, you don't have enough connection with people so it has left you feeling empty inside. People fill that emptiness when they are connected with on a personal level.

That's the problem with people like me on here, it's so difficult to connect with people and get people to hang out with successfully.

Whether we like it or not (I don't like it), we as humans are programmed to find happiness in other people.

I guess this could be partly why my life feels so empty and I find it hard to do anything... the main human interaction I have (besides work, and that's all impersonal) is with my kids. I am thankful that I at least have that, but it's no substitute for "adult" social interaction. Come to think of it, I think my kids are my biggest motivation for what I have accomplished so far and for continuing to hang in there currently... otherwise, I would probably just stop trying so hard, and end up sponging off of my family or living on the street. ::

 

[OceanMist]

Good points! re: hobby part. lol...I had just been 'preached' on the hobby thing and I jumped the gun on it. Sorry about that.

There can be no real substitution for human interaction. Actually when I think about it (or when others tell me to get a hobby) I feel better when I am able to go to the store, for example, and even if it's in the check out line, say, hi, please, thank you.. whatever it may be. That does help. I just started in with a Meet up group in which several people meet a couple times a month and we all have the same thing in common, SA (Anxiety/panic attacks, etc) so we all can relate.

hope I clarified and didn't mean to push 'hobby' so much

Oh goodness, the old "get a hobby if you are lonely" saying. I hate it when people try to tell us that on the web. It's very similar to "get a dog if you feel lonely."

Those people just don't get that animals and stuff to do that doesn't involve live, real life people is a road to depression and loneliness.

I always tell them same thing. I have a dog (actually two now) and I have hobbies, but I'm still very lonely because I have no friends and no g/f that I hang out with regularly.

If hobbies and dogs were as great as these people say they are, then people would just hide in their houses all day and build model airplanes while playing fetch with their dog. They don't do that, though. Most people have social lives because it's healthy. Hermit life isn't healthy, unfortunately.

 

[Kiwong]

I've found the level of human interaction I need I think. I've been able to reach out to people through keeping a blog, and by also getting involved in running and racing. To be honest I find human interaction to be a two edged sword. Human interaction is full of contradictions and complications, it is not easy and requires a hell of lot of courage to face the problems that always seem to arise. It is possible to find joy in human interaction but you have to ride a roller coaster of pain and up and downs to savor it.

 

[OceanMist]

I've found the level of human interaction I need I think. I've been able to reach out to people through keeping a blog, and by also getting involved in running and racing. To be honest I find human interaction to be a two edged sword. Human interaction is full of contradictions and complications, it is not easy and requires a hell of lot of courage to face the problems that always seem to arise. It is possible to find joy in human interaction but you have to ride a roller coaster of pain and up and downs to savor it.

Hmm, that's a very perceptive paragraph. I agree with all of it.

There is a ton of pain involved in human interaction for someone who has SAD like me. The thing is, there is also a ton of pain involved in not having personal relationships. So either way one goes who has an anxiety problem, they will suffer.

The only way to find true happiness, though, is to be with people and connect. Pain and failure are unavoidable.

 

[bsammy]

oceanmist- i think in my case it is a little different.even when i did have a social circle of friends i still felt a lack of motivation, an inability to feel close with others.even family i love i dont feel close to.im not sure how old you are but in my case i dont even get lonely anymore..i never really did except for rare moments..maybe that is me being in denial i have no clue but ive always realized simply being around people did very little to kil the emptiness inside..in fact, most often when im around people(even ones ive known for a long time) i almost feel more empty..very rarely do i seem to gte the same level of enjoyment/satisfaction others do when around people..so its quite hard if not impossible to keep seeking people out if the reward isnt there..

 

[Kiwong]

Hmm, that's a very perceptive paragraph. I agree with all of it.

There is a ton of pain involved in human interaction for someone who has SAD like me. The thing is, there is also a ton of pain involved in not having personal relationships. So either way one goes who has an anxiety problem, they will suffer.

The only way to find true happiness, though, is to be with people and connect. Pain and failure are unavoidable.

I agree with what you are saying too. The way I see it is that life involves an inevitable amount pain; the ways you learn to cope with the pain make it bearable. I also think true happiness can be fleeting even at the best of times. I don't think there is a magic fix for true happiness. Sometimes the unbearable pain you go through makes the happy times when they unexpectedly occur even sweeter.

 

[deleted #89]

So what is the problem? TV AND THE INTERNET.

Technology is often use to get away from anxiety...

 

[bsammy]

^very interesting and something i have often asked myself..would us avoidants(or people in general) be better off without the internet, xbox, ps3 and tv?well, keep the tv as its practical and part of us..i honestly cannot imagine living without the internet and videogames..but being without these, would it somehow force us to get better, socialize more?or would we simply lose our mind?

 

[OceanMist]

^very interesting and something i have often asked myself..would us avoidants(or people in general) be better off without the internet, xbox, ps3 and tv?well, keep the tv as its practical and part of us..i honestly cannot imagine living without the internet and videogames..but being without these, would it somehow force us to get better, socialize more?or would we simply lose our mind?

Not necessarily. If you eliminated electronics we'd start reading books as a hobby. I've tried doing this before and it was torture. It didn't make me want to go out and meet people, it made me feel even more depressed. It was actually dangerous, like suicidal contemplating dangerous. Maybe that was just me.

Another thing with electronics is that some of us use electronics to meet up with people, so getting rid of our electronics could hurt us more than help us in certain cases.

The thing is people need stuff to do to keep their mind occupied. Taking away stuff to do sounds like putting someone in solitary confinement to me. I believe that part of coping with a mental disorder is not thinking about problems, and the best way to do that is to be doing something else with your mind.

Also, getting a social life isn't the golden ticket for people like me. I had a social life and still depressed. During my last days of having a social life, I became severely depressed and wound up in a mental hospital. Just because a person with SAD has a social life, doesn't mean they'll be happy. Like I said before, a lot of pain comes from being around people, and vice versa.

What I'm saying is that it's a lose-lose situation. All you can do is try to find what brings you the most pleasure and helps you enjoy life for as much of your life as you can.

 

[tenuous~hold]

Exactly. It feels hollow and repetitious because these hobbies don't consist of hanging out with real live people. Look around at people that seem happy. People that smile or laugh when you pass them. They are always with someone, whether it be a friend or spouse or whatever.

You don't lack motivation. You are just like me, you don't have enough connection with people so it has left you feeling empty inside. People fill that emptiness when they are connected with on a personal level.

That's the problem with people like me on here, it's so difficult to connect with people and get people to hang out with successfully.

Whether we like it or not (I don't like it), we as humans are programmed to find happiness in other people.

that's very true. unfortunately for some of us that probably need the interaction most, we keep doing things that make it impossible to find it or keep it.

some might say "just do it - join this, join that - go out & meet people" blah blah blah, but they wouldn't & couldn't understand that it's just so close to impossible to do any of those things...

 

[JustWannaLove]

that's very true. unfortunately for some of us that probably need the interaction most, we keep doing things that make it impossible to find it or keep it.

some might say "just do it - join this, join that - go out & meet people" blah blah blah, but they wouldn't & couldn't understand that it's just so close to impossible to do any of those things...

yes...i long for a personal connection with someone...but my insecurities stop me...experience in the past has made me like this, as well as the way i feel about myself. Even though i have been fortunate enough to meet only the most wonderful of people.
i have even tried to ignore my SA and do things i didnt wanna do. it was a very horrible experience and i never wanna go through it again. i did it for my friends because i love them, but now that i can be alone, i kinda prefer it, although it sucks.