sick of being a spare part.

xtina_fan81

Well-known member
been so f-ing long dealing with the same old thing and im just sick and tired of it. i talk to people, see them occasionally but to them im just an extra. they dont know that i just want to be in on someones life like actively, being involved with everything, talking regularly, NORMAL things. its such ignorance on their part having no clue how it is or what it feels like. its all come naturally to them and they dont know what its like to put so much thought into who you have at the end of the day. i just want to be the important one in someones life for once, like the "main" friend who goes out with them every weekend. to EVERYONE im just the one they rarely see. i wouldnt mind having some friends like that of course, but i just want my little clique that im closest to like everyone else does. just scary not knowing if you will ever have that feeling of being close to someone and kno that you will always be included.
 

Helyna

Well-known member
I feel that way sometimes.
Can you maybe invite someone to do something with just you? Then that person would know you're interested in social stuff. Then invite another person...
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Yeah, I feel like that too. I wish i were someone's Nº1 friend, something important, the bestest friend, but I'm always on a second place... or at least is what my negative mind believes.
 

Harleyq

Well-known member
I feel that way sometimes.
Can you maybe invite someone to do something with just you? Then that person would know you're interested in social stuff. Then invite another person...

Ditto. It's difficult, but sounds like that's what you have to do.

At least a few close friends I've had in the past were made because I invited them to do things with me. It's one of those things you just gotta plunge forth with and not think about it...tell yourself "f-ck it" and blurt out an invitation before you give yourself a chance to second guess. 98% of the time, they'll say "yes" - most people like to get a chance to gain another friend and would feel flattered about being invited somewhere.
 

Tiercel

Well-known member
Whenever I'm with other people, I always feel like the third wheel on a motorcycle. And all of my friends and acquaintances I've met through either my brother or sister; mostly my brother. And they only seem to call me when no one else is around to do anything with.

Of course, I've always been the quiet one. Actively seeking to start and build friendships has never been one of my strengths. Most social interaction doesn't particularly enthrall me, though, so I can't see myself changing just to feel more acceptable. And around here there aren't many young people who enjoy heavy metal and classical music as much as birdwatching. I'd rather look for bald eagles than watch the Philadelphia Eagles, but around here that's tantamount to blasphemy.

But it would be nice to feel like an essential part of someone else's life, to be someone one couldn't live without instead of being someone others can life with. And I've already decided that the first time I meet a woman who enjoys Paganini and looking for hawks, I have to ask her to marry me. And if she plays the guitar well, I'll even get down on one knee and be serious about it.

:D
 

xtina_fan81

Well-known member
Thanks for replies.
what worries me, that ill never have that feeling of knowing im completely myself around someone build up trust and have that reciprocated. its just the feeling of seemingly being totally out of control of it. we can make all the effort we can to help ourself but if it isnt meant to be it wont happen, its scares the hell out of me that that might be my fate and theres nothing i can do about it. I cant say, like you, that i KNOW I wont ever have it.
One thing i do believe though is that there are certain people that just are not meant to be in your life. Since the anxiety has left me so lonely Ive quite a few times ended up clinging onto anyone that seems to show any interest in being my friend, which is something "normal people" dont have to do, because they just build up close friendships to people they have most in common with etc and it just happens naturally. It doesnt naturally with me so ive many times just tried and tried with people who do not respect my efforts to be a part of their "gang". because it just doesnt happen like that but thats the only way i know how. its an awkwardness that comes with not knowing how to just relax and socialise and go from there like everyone else does. BUT i do a friend that is STILL there, STILL talks to me, STILL wants to go out every now and then. even after all my ups and downs and everything, and as cliche as it sounds its shown me that she is just meant to be in my life, so much has happened and shes still there thats gotta stand for something. other people, (and i think those with SA will come across these more than most) no matter how much you wanna be in their life, wanna mean something to them, want your friendship to be of value...it just wont happen, they just wont return that respect and i used to hate these cliches but..if theyre not gonna reciprocate that feeling and effort..do you really want them on your life anyway??
 

Luke1993

Well-known member
Yes. It would seem as though I'm a "supporting character" in everybody else's life. I want to be a main character lol!
 
I have it the same way and frankly I hate it.
I am so tiered of feeling like the third wheel that I do not even try
anymore and the few times I do it just leads to disappointment.

Can anyone advise because I am just becoming more and more
isolated as the years go by?
 

xtina_fan81

Well-known member
Yes. It would seem as though I'm a "supporting character" in everybody else's life. I want to be a main character lol!

exactly. everyone else just sees me as "some other person" in their life that they only talk to occasionally. EVERYONE has their little groups that they see all the time and they just take it for a given, which is often actually more annoying than just the fact that they can have a normal life. none of them ask me if i want to go out or do anything, it hurts me if anyone who i know doesn't include me in anything cos i just cling onto anyone that shows any interest in me, while they are just thinking "oh, she just another acquaintance." so they dont see me as someone they should go out with alot, noone does and i just think well when the hell is someone going to think more of me and going to bond with me closer than they would to an aquiantance? i dont have those different levels of friendship, like some you are close to and some you arent. but im not close to ANYONE. they all know all the details and gossip from each others lives and just makes me feel like sh!t and, being on facebook makes it worse. i feel like a complete alien, like its just not NORMAL to live like this at my age and like im a broken toy that you just move to the side.
 
Top