Then that is their loss for not giving the shy guy a chance..I was involved in a 4 year relationship with a guy who was very shy at first then came around,the relationship was great after we felt comfortable together...He was always the quiet/reserved guy of the bunch and that never deterred me..We are all weak in some way,to write someone off because you equate shyness with weakness may in fact be some womens choice but not all...Sorry but I just dont agree with the last sentence you wrote Jay... I was somewhat shy growing up but I have come out of it for the most part and i used to get the negative comments from my very out-going family,and I used to say what the hell is so wrong with being shy!
Quiet/reserved and shy are two different things.
shy:
1. bashful; retiring.
2. easily frightened away; timid.
I think it's great that you gave your ex a chance but you said he "came around" which means he changed his initial behavior. Again, it's great that you gave him a chance but would you have stayed with him if he didn't "come around?" Maybe, maybe not. I'm speaking in generalities and there are always exceptions.
And believe me, I'm happy there are some women out there who are attracted to shy guys. But generally, women will be more attracted to a socially confident guy who is not afraid of others. Again, there are always exceptions but why shouldn't a guy work on his issues so he can end up attracting a larger pool of women?
And yes, we are all weak in some ways and we should have compassion for each others flaws, but I don't think we should ever stop working on ourselves. And unfortunately, it is much more socially acceptable for a woman to be shy than a man. I love shy girls.. I find them adorable. But most girls will not feel the same about a man who is equally shy. Again... I said MOST.
Btw, if you're looking for another shy guy, maybe I can play matchmaker and set you up with some of the dudes on this board. You down?
I've kinda thought that way Jay and I think that's what's really hindered me because I made the whole "curing" shyness and social anxiety as the sure fire way to solve my relationship problems. You can work on coping with anxiety and that kind of thing with social situations, but it's always there, at least it is for me.
The very fact that there are a lot of girl members on this site makes me think not all girls are like that. I think that "weakness" can become a strength if your significant other is very shy and anxious like you. It's like teamwork really. I honestly believe that that kind of teamwork is what can really help someone deal with shyness and can foster real love for another person. But I agree with what you said as typically, that seems to be the case, but it's not always like that as licorice said.
I agree... it's not always the case but why not give yourself the greatest chance of attracting a quality woman by working on yourself until you become the best person you can be? I mean, some women will still be attracted to you if you weigh 125lbs, wear ratty clothes and never wash your hair, but wouldn't it make more sense to work on your appearance and demeanor in order to attract a larger percentage of women?
But where do we find these shy, inexperienced girls?
You can join the Physics Club. Kidding... why don't you look on meetup.com and see if there is a social anxiety meetup group in your area? Otherwise, I think we might be able to set you up with Licorice. :
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