lyricalliaisons
Well-known member
I just realized this is under "Drugs, Treatment, & Self Help" & am not sure how it got here... so just ignore that (but not my message).
The one "friend" that I have, I haven't talked to in over six months. The last time we were together, she told me to call her. She always does, & I never call her, because I don't feel she actually wants to talk to me, since I have nothing to say. But this time, I told her that I couldn't call her because her cell phone is considered long distance &, because of our finances, I had to get rid of our long distance. She said she would call me. She never did. I understand it, because she probably feels that I don't want to talk to her, because if I did, I would have called her when we did have long distance. She was always the one to put a foot forward & try to maintain our friendship, while I would keep from communicating with her because I felt she was embarrassed & didn't want to be my friend. I know now this couldn't have actually been true, because if it had been, she wouldn't have kept reaching out.
I'll give you some history on our friendship:
We met in the first grade & were best friends all through elementary, middle, & high school. We were always on different levels, socially. She had (& has) a perfectly "normal" life. She started dating, had her first job around the age of 16, started driving at 17, all while I remained the same. As we became adults, & she continued to grow, I still remained the same. At around 20 or 21, she started college. By this time, I still had not changed. I still had not dated, had a job, & was not in school. We existed on two separate planets. She would always ask me to go places with her; clubs, movies, shopping, etc. & I would always decline.
She knows about my issues with social anxiety... she was the first person that I told. But she still never really understood (as most people, even on SA sites, don't) my situation. It seems as if our relationship has gone steadily downhill since then. Once I told her how I feel in social situations, she completely stopped asking me to go anywhere, assuming my anxiety would keep me from going. The thing is, my anxiety's gotten a lot better & I could actually do more now. It's still incredibly bad, but, depending on the places, I can go. I have no car, so whenever we did go anywhere, she was the one driving, so I can't just ask her to do something.
Well, she lives four blocks away & came over one day about a month ago & put a Christmas card in my mail-box. I didn't send her a card because I didn't send anyone a card this year, except my dad, because we didn't have stamps. By the time I got them, it was really too late to send any, anyway. So, I've been thinking about sending her a letter to tell her I got the card, & to tell her of all the good changes I've made in my life. I told her last year that I was going to a place to help me find a job (which I still am), & when we were last together she asked me if I had a job yet. I told her no, but that I was still looking. I don't think she believed me because of the look on her face. & because she can't believe that a person can be looking for that long without finding one. I've been leaving a lot out the past few times I've talked to/seen her & she can tell. She doesn't know I'm getting therapy or seeing a psychiatrist, or am on meds & I've been going since September of '07. She asks where I'm getting help with work at, but, instead of telling her it's the vocational division of the mental health place that I go to, I just give her the street it's on & tell her I don't know the name. I do the same thing with the local BVR (Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation), which is helping me with school. I get very anxious, because I'm lying & ahe can tell & it just makes things very awkward between us.
Well, I start school tomorrow. It will be the first actual "adult" thing I've ever done in my life. I want to write to her & tell her.. I know she would be proud that I'm doing something with my life.. but I'm scared. I'm not sure if it's just my insecurities keeping me from doing it, or if maybe, she just doesn't want to hear from me. I think it would be an okay thing to do, but am not certain.
So, I would like some advice. If anyone has read all the way through this:
Do you think I should write to her?
The one "friend" that I have, I haven't talked to in over six months. The last time we were together, she told me to call her. She always does, & I never call her, because I don't feel she actually wants to talk to me, since I have nothing to say. But this time, I told her that I couldn't call her because her cell phone is considered long distance &, because of our finances, I had to get rid of our long distance. She said she would call me. She never did. I understand it, because she probably feels that I don't want to talk to her, because if I did, I would have called her when we did have long distance. She was always the one to put a foot forward & try to maintain our friendship, while I would keep from communicating with her because I felt she was embarrassed & didn't want to be my friend. I know now this couldn't have actually been true, because if it had been, she wouldn't have kept reaching out.
I'll give you some history on our friendship:
We met in the first grade & were best friends all through elementary, middle, & high school. We were always on different levels, socially. She had (& has) a perfectly "normal" life. She started dating, had her first job around the age of 16, started driving at 17, all while I remained the same. As we became adults, & she continued to grow, I still remained the same. At around 20 or 21, she started college. By this time, I still had not changed. I still had not dated, had a job, & was not in school. We existed on two separate planets. She would always ask me to go places with her; clubs, movies, shopping, etc. & I would always decline.
She knows about my issues with social anxiety... she was the first person that I told. But she still never really understood (as most people, even on SA sites, don't) my situation. It seems as if our relationship has gone steadily downhill since then. Once I told her how I feel in social situations, she completely stopped asking me to go anywhere, assuming my anxiety would keep me from going. The thing is, my anxiety's gotten a lot better & I could actually do more now. It's still incredibly bad, but, depending on the places, I can go. I have no car, so whenever we did go anywhere, she was the one driving, so I can't just ask her to do something.
Well, she lives four blocks away & came over one day about a month ago & put a Christmas card in my mail-box. I didn't send her a card because I didn't send anyone a card this year, except my dad, because we didn't have stamps. By the time I got them, it was really too late to send any, anyway. So, I've been thinking about sending her a letter to tell her I got the card, & to tell her of all the good changes I've made in my life. I told her last year that I was going to a place to help me find a job (which I still am), & when we were last together she asked me if I had a job yet. I told her no, but that I was still looking. I don't think she believed me because of the look on her face. & because she can't believe that a person can be looking for that long without finding one. I've been leaving a lot out the past few times I've talked to/seen her & she can tell. She doesn't know I'm getting therapy or seeing a psychiatrist, or am on meds & I've been going since September of '07. She asks where I'm getting help with work at, but, instead of telling her it's the vocational division of the mental health place that I go to, I just give her the street it's on & tell her I don't know the name. I do the same thing with the local BVR (Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation), which is helping me with school. I get very anxious, because I'm lying & ahe can tell & it just makes things very awkward between us.
Well, I start school tomorrow. It will be the first actual "adult" thing I've ever done in my life. I want to write to her & tell her.. I know she would be proud that I'm doing something with my life.. but I'm scared. I'm not sure if it's just my insecurities keeping me from doing it, or if maybe, she just doesn't want to hear from me. I think it would be an okay thing to do, but am not certain.
So, I would like some advice. If anyone has read all the way through this:
Do you think I should write to her?
.