Self-Destructive Pleasure Suicide

Ashiene

Well-known member
Obviously I know suicide is not allowed to be discussed here, but I don't think this is really called 'suicide'. You see, I am too much of a coward to commit suicide (although I have tried in the past, but didn't succeed), so I use a more long-term method to end my life prematurely, and enjoy myself in the process.

Many people, even non-suicidal people, do this. It is what is called Self-Destructive Pleasure. Things like binge-eating, smoking, drug abuse, skydiving, rock-climbing. All of these are basically the same. Each time you do these activities, there is a chance you will: in the case of binge-eating, greater likelihood of health diseases; for smoking, higher chance of cancer; for skydiving, rock-climbing etc, a chance for an accident that may kill you.

All of these activities are dangerous, but many people do them because they are pleasurable not because they are suicidal or depressed (although depressed people take more high-risk activities).

I have very few activities in my life that give me joy or just a little more motivation to get through the day. I use binge-eating and smoking and paid sex to distract myself long enough to make it through life, one day at a time. I know it will end in my premature death, but I am really enjoying these harmful but pleasurable activities (although great money spent or the high risks of STDs/STIs).

I think to myself: what have I to lose? I might suffer in the future because of the diseases I may get due to my unhealthy lifestyle, but I am already suffering a living hell now with my SAD and other diagnosed mental disorders. If I cannot even let myself enjoy these activities, what should I be living for? My anxieties would kill me faster than a cigarette or extra burger would.

Without cigarettes or binge-ing on fast food to calm my nerves and distract myself from bad thoughts, perhaps I would be long dead by now due to actual suicide. So, these self-destructive activities might actually be saving me in the short term, but ultimately kill me in the long term.

But, everyone dies anyway, and I might not be smoking or risking STDs with prostitutes or eating 5 burgers at once, but who knows a car might run me over tomorrow? We cannot predict life, but I will enjoy myself whenever & however I can because I do not know what will happen to me tomorrow.

Also, I secretly wish my self-destructive activities will kill me long before I grow old, so that I can escape this living hell without resorting to suicide and disgracing myself even further in death.
 

Flanscho

Well-known member
Not trying to sound mean or something, but what you do sounds pretty stupid.

Imagine finding a partner whom you love, and want to spend the rest of your life with. A month later, the doc tells you "lung cancer: 6 months left".

Or imagine a climbing session with an accident. You fall, injure your neck. You are paralyzed neck downwards for the rest of your life. Sitting in the diapers you pooped into while calling for your nurse will be a daily routine.

Would that be an improvement? Is that what you really want to happen?
 

Lea

Banned
Not a good idea, IMO. I sometimes too have this mindset like "I don´t care anymore", and we are delving into self destruction, because nothing matters anymore. But in life there has to be some balance in energy, we never get anything for free, never can bs around or fake anything, even though we pretend to ourselves that we can. We think that if we stick our head in the sand and choose not to see, problems will cease to exist, but they won´t and in the end we will have to repay our debt anyway, only it will be a huge amount, maybe even huger than we can take. I don´t think that death is the absolute end - which is what so many people count on and that´s why they choose to go into debt in this life. But I am afraid that if we **** ourselves up in this life, we might get born disabled in the next one or so. Simply said, nothing gets lost, we don´t get away with faking around, running away from responsibility, that´s what I think.

I might be wrong, but this is what I tend to believe.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
I use to binge eat, to forget my sorrows. I call it, not caring about myself. That's probably a better way of looking at it.

If, and I say if, you're going to choose to stay on this earth, you might as well be the best person you can. You're going to prostitutes. Why not just boldly go up to a girl and ask her out?? And, if she says no, go to another. What do you have to lose at this point? I think by going to a prostitute you have already demeaned yourself to the lowest level. Can't get anymore shameful than that? Find a real woman that will care and love you. She's out there!

I really do wish you the best. I've been slowly self destructing myself (not in the same ways as you). It hasn't brought me any closer to death but it had made me more miserable!!!!
 

mikebird

Banned
It's crucial to respect, care for, and worship your own body, before anything or anyone else.

It was at a time of repeated, recurring dismissals from work that started eating at me.

I claimed to myself and other people since, that all I have is my own body, due to the continued trend. There have been minor +ve blips since, but the overwhelming likelihood.

I've had medical trouble - blood - separate from mental ones. Reason not to dismiss your own physical state; work on it. Don't think you're alive because you were born and whichever you like doing, carry on. Focus on your heath. Don't let symptoms overcome you. Put effort into your body as a priority.

I simply don't put anything into my mouth if it just looks nice, tastes good, or because it was in a package that said it's great!

My worst sins were to consume intoxicating drinks and chemicals because they made me feel really good, and made me really like other people. That was all capped soon after I realised I might not be able to get enough income to do it.

The faster you can run, the longer you can last, and the happier you'll be.

I like the luxuries of home & car. Being rewarded and achieving some income for anything at all I can do at all, and have done before - being preventing from it is the most humungous barrier I can't even begin understand. A farmer in a field taking care of his cattle, to have enough of a plate to eat. Why not?
 
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