Relationships with shy guys
- Thread starter OnlyAlice
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OnlyAlice
Member
I'll take him as is and I told him that. I'm myself as much as I can, but in all honesty he still gives me butterflies and sometimes I'm nervous. We've dated a year now and I'm a little old for it yes but he just floats my boat...if he really, really knew and believed it-that his arms around me calms me, that he just makes my worst days better with a smile...
I would imagine when you two are alone you could tell him he could be himself and open up to you and have a serious face on when you say that. Some men perceive opening up to the woman they love (especially her!) as a sign of weakness, I don't know if your boyfriend does or not. I don't talk feelings to my wife, she has come to accept it I reckon.
Alienated
Well-known member
Let him know it.... tell him how you feel and he will open up to you, guy's are shy because they are afraid of rejection. If you tell him what you just said, that will get his motor running....TRUST ME.
OnlyAlice
Member
Ive told him. Not frequently as not to freak him out. It was as if him letting me know he cared for me would have been the worst thing ever. I took it all as he's not interested and broke up after a year. We are trying again and Im aware of his shyness...his fears. So far so good. He's letting me know in his way that he wanys to see me. He's even initiated things (in his way 
). More than I needed him to do. Hopefully it's a good sign that I didn't scare him off.
). More than I needed him to do. Hopefully it's a good sign that I didn't scare him off.
thegunners21
Well-known member
A lot of shy guys are deathly afraid of rejection. For me, that comes from deep-rooted insecurity and belief that I'm not good enough for anyone. It's a vicious circle. Just keep assuring him that he's the right one for you.
Well of course he's awesome!!! We shy guys are the ****ing best!
Yes, it can sometimes look like apathy. But it's not apathy. We are afraid. We just need people to give us breathing room and reassurance that things are OK.
OnlyAlice
Member
And you cover up that you're shy with apathy. If I had known for sure that's what it was then I never would have left. I don't even know if I hurt him...I hope I didn't but I think I did. The only thing that bothers me is he didn't tell me when something I did bothered him and he told me he would. I'm afraid if he ever wants out he wouldn't tell me or is that a misconception I shouldn't worry about with shy guys?
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
I will be marrying my shy guy in a few months and the main things that made him let his guard down were time and encouragement.
You have to show him he's safe with you. people in general need to feel emotionally safe with a person before opening up anyway and shy people need it even more.
When you do get him talking,don't interrupt even if you are excited about the topic.Just listen until he's fully finished then add your thoughts.Too often shy people get steamrolled by the louder more socially open people.It may help to not stare at him while he's talking.Make some eye contact to show him you're listening but glance away once in a while so he doesn't feel he's being judged or scrutinized.
Keep your body language open and relaxed.He may not notice it on a conscious level but subconsciously it will put him at ease if you are noticeably relaxed.
He needs to feel like you are the safe port in a storm of j*rks out there.Once he feels that it'll be like you've opened the flood gates.
Metal_isthe_Answer
Well-known member
As a shy guy, i would suggest simply being up front about it. Personally the fear and expectation of being rejected makes me not want to put any effort into starting a relationship, if tell him, as straightforward as possible, the fear will not, or should not, exist, and he'll be more willing to open up.
Zackarydoo
Well-known member
Sorry to bring up a week old thread. I'm new so just going through threads.
What Coyote wrote is spot-on. I'm single and have been for a very long time, but whenever I think about how I could meet someone the main thing I long for is finding someone who completely accepted me and didn't try to change me or force me to do this and that when I felt too uncomfortable. I long so much to be accepted and loved by someone.