Relationship Anxiety

[contrejour]

Does anyone here experience relationship (romantic) anxiety?

I've currently started dating someone new, but every time I begin a new relationship, my annual anxiety with the situation/person starts to rise. I doubt my feelings for this person, I'm uncomfortable with my decision to be with this person, I restrict myself from love, intimacy and vulnerability with this person and a whole plethora of other examples.

I don't know if it's truly because my intuition is telling me I shouldn't be with this person or if it's just simply my anxiety holding me back.

My anxiety towards these situations make sense when it comes to my agoraphobia and sexually abusive childhood, and though I (sometimes) enjoy and prefer singlehood, I guess I like the idea of being with someone rather than actually being with someone.

Does anyone else experience this, and if so, how do you get through something like this? Is it just a matter of patience and trust?

 

[hardy]

No friend, i experience anxiety way before i get into a relationship...hehe. I can laugh about it as i don't have to go through the difficulties of a boy-girl relationship.

Have you read the "power of now" by Ekchart Tolle...

I like watching Ajahn brahms videos...if you want here is something Instead of Attachment - YouTube



Ajahn Brahm talks about enjoying our possessions like family, relationships and identity without being attached to them. Attachment comes from fear and enjoyment comes from letting go of fear.


Wishing you a happy present.

 

[MikeyC]

I've currently started dating someone new, but every time I begin a new relationship, my annual anxiety with the situation/person starts to rise. I doubt my feelings for this person, I'm uncomfortable with my decision to be with this person, I restrict myself from love, intimacy and vulnerability with this person and a whole plethora of other examples.

This sounds a little like what happened to me when I dated my ex last year. Is there a possibility you're love-shy? I think I may be, too.

 

[contrejour]

This sounds a little like what happened to me when I dated my ex last year. Is there a possibility you're love-shy? I think I may be, too.

It's quite possible. I guess I feel too exposed when it comes to love. Maybe that's a reason we put up a thick wall?

 

[MikeyC]

It's quite possible. I guess I feel too exposed when it comes to love. Maybe that's a reason we put up a thick wall?

That's a possibility, yeah. There could be a bunch of reasons why, though.

 

[mikebird]

It's always a rocky road for me for partners and employers

Starts good.

They turn their back, and I see it coming very soon
Given a day or a week or a month I am very aware it will happen.

The roughest bit is that it is never discussed beforehand. Nobody is ever willing to explain anything. No reason.

Ever since, even when I try to find out, during the aftermath. h:

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

I find romantic relationships to be... uhm... how to say it in English... amplificators, maybe?

They take your mental and emotional state and just amplify it by several orders of magnitude. So a happy and emotionally stable person will probably just find mostly positive aspects in your average relationship, while a depressed/anxious/otherwise mentally or emotionally unstable person will find more negative feelings.

Or at least that has been my experience.

 

[Unspoken]

My anxiety is less about me and more about them. I worry about them getting bored of me, about them wanting more from me than I can give, etc. I'm totally clueless as to how to get past it.

 

[MikeyC]

My anxiety is less about me and more about them. I worry about them getting bored of me, about them wanting more from me than I can give, etc. I'm totally clueless as to how to get past it.

I understand this completely, but the thing is that if you care about the other person, and you show that you care, that can sometimes be enough. You don't have to buy extravagant gifts and shower them with affection, because often times just a hug and being there can be plenty.