Really upset

[kayelle]

Hi guys,
I just wanted to get an opinion from people here on the forum. Earlier I was contradicting what someone said to me on another thread, but it turns out I had misunderstood what he was trying to say so I apologised for that.
But then this morning I had a private message from him, and it really really upset me and I just felt a bit alone so I wanted to get advice from you guys. This is what he sent me:

Just because I am not as active as you with your recovery doesnt mean Im not doing jack shit with my self you showoff. Why dont you just take yourself and your other cool members with you elsewhere. you having social phobia my fucking arse!!!!!

You say in one of your post that your hyper and loud. I bet your one of those chicks I see whenever I am out (which is rare) who never shuts up in concerts or on the cinemas while I am trying to enjoy a nice movie. A person whom I cant even fucking get a word in and just listen to your non stop fucking dribble.

you try to make me feel bad because you havent been to a cinema for 2 years now. Let me guess what you have been up to over the last 2 years compared to mine. I bet while I type this your too busy partying and getting drunk, a weekly ritual for you hey????? Do you wanna know what Im gonna do today, its a saturday I aint gonna go to the cinema Im just gonna be at home surfing the net, watching tv playing video games at home. Now thats what I call a fucking shit life. I am the only person who has the rights to say that my life is shit and my life is worse. You have the rights to just go, seriously your post aint legitimate enough. It really does sound fake that you even have S.A when the fact is your just an outgoing party chick who feels just a tiny little bit insecure and maybe a bit different. Try fucking feeling different from the whole world???? Have you ever felt that huh

Yeah thats right I fucking hate the world, fucking hate you and fucking hate everyone. And why dont you just post your special photos elsewhere with you and all your special pretty friends? Theres a thing called myspace and facebook you know why dont you keep your party pics there instead.

And as far as exposure therapy whatever it is your talking about at least your not agoraphobic like me or maybe some of us. You get to go out, you have a life, maybe more of a life than some of the non sufferers that I know off which probably makes you among the top 5% of the cool ppl of the world. I have no life at all.

So yeah your different from us, ur way too cool so give us a break, give us our hiding spot where I basically ONLY belong instead of seeing THE SAME PEOPLE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY CAUSE THE MEDIA HAS BRAINWASHED ALL OF YOU TO LOOK AND ACT THE SAME AND LIKE THE SAME STUFF and thats why Im different because I havent caught the hype of the media telling us to get drunk and shit faced every weekend, to have as much sex like pornstars do so this pressure is like fucking killing me inside slowly. I see ur from Ireland, but we have ppl like you over here too in Australia, america, canada, NZ, the whole of fucking europe THERE ALL FUCKING THE SAME, YOUR ARE ALL FUCKING CLONED TO BE THE SAME.

It's just that, I've had panic attacks for 6years now, and yet I still went out and had friends and started college, even though most days was a complete living hell for me. Then about a year ago, I just gave up and I've hardly left the house for over a year. I only have one friend now and I've dropped out of university and quit my job. It's just that I feel nothing like the person he's describing.
My question was, is he right? Should I really not be on the forum, because before this I had friends and had a life, even though I had close to unbearable anxiety? Do I really not have SA?
The slogan on the top of every page on top of this forum says you are not alone, but I feel really alone right now.

I'm sorry for offending people

PS: sorry about the really long post

 

[Psychedelicious]

No No No, he is not right. Is a jerkfaced stupidhead, and a paranoid one at that. Everything is everyone elses fault, and the fault of society, and whoever it's never up to him how he is. He seems to think he is a victim of society, when he is just actually a victim of himself. Needs a slappin' . Soooo noo totally totally totally wrong. Stay right where you need to.

 

[kayelle]

Eee! That's my happy sound. Ick, I hate caring what other people think of me! Especially people who don't know me.
Thanks for that, I breathed a big sigh of relief when I read that.
Thank oo!

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

you do belong

You have every right to be here. I mean come on who would pretend to have a disorder espicaly this one. This is one disorder no one would lie about cause what would be the benifit?

I am so sick of people constantly questioning other peoples anxiety.

 

[wherecaringhappens]

I second what Psychedelicious said


Don't worry about it kayelle, I think things are going to be okay. I'm guessing he just let anger get the better of the moment in that pm.

 

[Hoth]

SA makes some people into angry jerks, unfortunately, and many people here compete to try to be the most miserable. Just be glad you aren't like that yourself.

The funny thing is he accused you of being "among the top 5% of the cool ppl of the world" and intends it as a grave insult. Just cut that part out and frame it on your wall as proof of how cool you are. :wink:

Do I really not have SA?

The part you've described here sounds more like severe agoraphobia to me, but I suppose if the reason for not going out has to do with fear of socializing it'd be SA too.

 

[Neph]

wo this guy needs a better outlet thats for sure

 

[kayelle]

Thanks so much guys, I feel much better!
Also he sent me another PM apologising for the rant, that he was having a bad day and didn't mean the things he said. So it's all good!

Sunshine and rainbows and bunny rabbits!

Hoth:

The part you've described here sounds more like severe agoraphobia to me, but I suppose if the reason for not going out has to do with fear of socializing it'd be SA too.

I had panic attacks first and developed agoraphobia from that, I think my SA has stemmed from having agoraphobia, because now when I go out it's people that freak me out, and I don't like socialising any more or having people visit my house or being in groups of people, all the things like that.

 

[Andrew]

No No No, he is not right. Is a jerkfaced stupidhead, and a paranoid one at that. Everything is everyone elses fault, and the fault of society, and whoever it's never up to him how he is. He seems to think he is a victim of society, when he is just actually a victim of himself. Needs a slappin' . Soooo noo totally totally totally wrong. Stay right where you need to.

I can't find any posts where he says that everything or even anything is anybody's fault. He has merely expressed frustration at the situation in which he finds himself and is jealous of people who have the things he does not. This is a positive thing as it will give him the motivation to get out of his situation. He has made some assumptions about people based on whether they have a job, girlfriend, etc, but he is only human.

 

[stardog]

Wow that msg was incredible. What a totally moronic, misguided attack. Maybe that guy would like to attack me as well, I'm sure my SA isn't as severe as some here. Or probably most people on this forum who he would regard as 'better' than him. I guess we're all clones.

 

[Andrew]

SA makes some people into angry jerks, unfortunately, and many people here compete to try to be the most miserable. Just be glad you aren't like that yourself.

Once you come to the understanding that you can only judge those people you understand, you will find that you don't have a negative thing to say about anyone. If you have not lived their life, you are unlikely to be able to comprehend their actions. You really don't know what would happen if you yourself were in their situation. It may be that you would behave the same way.

Nobody here is competing to be the most miserable, it is just that when you realise you are at the severe end of the scale, you feel very lonely and question whether anybody else out there is going through the same thing. The posts are a way of seeking out people in similar situations.

The guy made a mistake and attacked the wrong person and now he has apologised and all is fine. He probably became defensive at the wording kayelle used in her reply to his post and that is what set things off. He is only human.

 

[Bianca]

SA makes some people into angry jerks, unfortunately, and many people here compete to try to be the most miserable. Just be glad you aren't like that yourself.

Once you come to the understanding that you can only judge those people you understand, you will find that you don't have a negative thing to say about anyone. If you have not lived their life, you are unlikely to be able to comprehend their actions. You really don't know what would happen if you yourself were in their situation. It may be that you would behave the same way.

Nobody here is competing to be the most miserable, it is just that when you realise you are at the severe end of the scale, you feel very lonely and question whether anybody else out there is going through the same thing. The posts are a way of seeking out people in similar situations.

The guy made a mistake and attacked the wrong person and now he has apologised and all is fine. He probably became defensive at the wording kayelle used in her reply to his post and that is what set things off. He is only human.

Well said.

 

[Hoth]

Once you come to the understanding that you can only judge those people you understand, you will find that you don't have a negative thing to say about anyone.

Sorry, I'm going to continue judging Charles Manson as bad without living his life. Some people have it easier than others, but people have choices.

Nobody here is competing to be the most miserable, it is just that when you realise you are at the severe end of the scale, you feel very lonely and question whether anybody else out there is going through the same thing. The posts are a way of seeking out people in similar situations.

There are constructive ways to seek out people, and denigrating people who aren't in the group you're seeking is not one of those. Considering the apology, the person in question apparently agrees with me.

There are so many times when somebody posts a thread about their problems, and another person responds by saying those are fake problems which don't really count because they should be happy to have a spouse or friends or whatever. Now, personally, I've never come within a thousand miles of a date nor do I have offline friends, but those facts shouldn't be wielded as a weapon against others and don't even imply that my life is as tough as theirs. You can't measure someone's happiness or anxiety by social statistics. Even if you could, it would be highly inappropriate to reply to people with better scores by telling them that you're the one who really needs help because your score is lower.

It is a competition to be most miserable, and I've certainly felt the temptation to join it. I admit, when I read threads I feel like telling the person how much more socially successful they are than me, and I feel some resentment that they're complaining about a social life I could never have. I resist the temptation though, because I'm trying to learn how to not be a jerk and I know the posters deserve better than that kind of reply.

He is only human.

The fact that he's only human doesn't mean he wasn't in the wrong. Note also that I haven't proposed a stoning or jail time. I also haven't denied that I can be a jerk myself sometimes, I just try not to be... and that effort requires an acknowledgment that being human doesn't excuse everything.

 

[Andrew]

I resist the temptation though, because I'm trying to learn how to not be a jerk and I know the posters deserve better than that kind of reply.

This is what you have been doing in a number of threads. Ultimately you seem to suggest that you are a better person, hollier than thou. It seems to be a very religious belief system that is based on notions of ultimate free will, strong and weak people, and so on.

Take for example a story about someone who, of hearing that their girlfriend has been cheating on them, kills the girlfriend in a fit of rage. Some people will talk about how they were cheated on and never killed anybody! That they would have resisted the urge! In reality though, they have never been in the exact same situation. Maybe the guy had been cheated on multiple times, had just heard that someone close to him had died, and had been bullied all his life. There are so many other circumstances that lead to this person cracking that would also cracking any of those people that claim they would have resisted the temptation.

They are simply maintaining this illusion that they would do something different yet have no proof or evidence as they have never been in the same situation. It is also not just a case of will versus emotion but the fact that life experiences change a person's will.

So really you cannot judge Charles Manson because if you were in his situation you may do the same things he does. Until you have lived his life you will have no proof that you will do anything different, or would have in fact wanted to do anything different.

 

[oBSama]

plz, i really want to contact this person, very interesting he seems, what is his nick, is he a member

 

[Satine]

He's been trolling here for some time but it looks like he's finally been banned permanently. Believe me, it's not wise to get in contact with him.