Really thinking about me

[Roman Legion]

My father told me I needed to slow down driving as I was going to get hurt or killed and without thinking I stated that I didn't care and it didn't bother me at all.. I think that was pure truth to him as I think it came directly from my subconscious mind. It is true when I actually think about it.. I have no thoughts of suicide, I just really don't care if I live or die though.. I was almost in an accident a few weeks ago because some twat ran off to the shoulder while speeding around a lorry that crossed into it's lane, rather than stop going off the road and around somehow made sense to him.. I almost took a speeding car in the side.. This near miss scared my father, but it didn't give me one ounce of anxiety and until now, I never really gave it a second thought. What does it mean when social interactions and even thinking about a social interaction gives me extreme anxiety, but almost being killed didn't even phase me? I also started looking at some of my favourite movies, most of them seem to have one thing in common.. They all involve vigilantism.. Is there a deeper meaning here or am I just over analyzing?

 

[MikeyC]

My parents have told me to slow down driving, too, and I have. Not because of fear of death, but because I don't want to lose my license/pay a big fine/go to court/kill or injure others.

Not caring about death is something I would've already guessed from you. I think you're just apathetic about living.

 

[Thelema]

Chances are, you won't die, but live with a broken body for the rest of your life.

 

[Kinetik]

I think you crave attention above all else - that's just my feeling from your posts so far as they often involve an element of drama or else contain thinly-veiled cries for acknowledgement that transcend the everyday anxiety- and depression related commiserations I see on here. If you absolutely must hurt yourself, please find a way that does not endanger others (ie. driving).

 

[Roman Legion]

I think you crave attention above all else - that's just my feeling from your posts so far as they often involve an element of drama or else contain thinly-veiled cries for acknowledgement that transcend the everyday anxiety- and depression related commiserations I see on here. If you absolutely must hurt yourself, please find a way that does not endanger others (ie. driving).

I'm trying to make sense of a world around me, I come here because I know it is helpful to share what I can't in person.. If you want to attack my reason for being here, I'll oblige and go on as I have been doing semi-successfully for years. I don't appreciate being attacked for sharing.. I don't want conflict, but you seem to. Please, do not belittle myself, my thoughts or how I feel. How many people can you talk to on an average day outside your family? How often do you leave your home, or even your room.. I don't leave my room and I can't speak to people and after years of it, that can get to a person a bit. If you confuse my frustration for drama, thats on you..

 

[Kinetik]

I'm not belittling you - it's okay to want attention. It sounds like you have a real need to be heard, whereas I notice a lot of people with anxiety want to disappear and have the ground swallow them up. The contrast stuck out to me, so I called it like I saw it since the thread is titled 'thinking about me'. I did not mean to insult you directly although on re-reading it I can see how it came out a little roughly.

 

[cosmosis]

I'm not belittling you - it's okay to want attention. It sounds like you have a real need to be heard, whereas I notice a lot of people with anxiety want to disappear and have the ground swallow them up. The contrast stuck out to me, so I called it like I saw it since the thread is titled 'thinking about me'. I did not mean to insult you directly although on re-reading it I can see how it came out a little roughly.

I really don't think that's fair at all and its nonsense. Most people want attention and want to be heard, especailly those who join a forum for support. Perhaps its true that some people with bad depression and anxiety want to disappear, but they are not really making posts on a forum. The post doesn't even come across as attention seeking as compared to many others. I have no idea why you feel the need to attack like that, but its probably because you are just as insecure as well. Just like I am, just like most people who need support.

 

[Roman Legion]

Anyway moving on now.. I had my online counseling today and I don't really know how I feel it went.. I kinda don't trust it.. When the person counseling you writes with substitutions and misspells quite often with quite a the number of typos, it tends to not inspire much hope for the person being counseled. I have the entire log in a text document of what was conversed.. I'm going to look over it again and try to more accurately gauge my feelings on how it turned out. Oh, I was told that whatever is found is not an actual diagnosis. I guess as long as they can give me a semi-professional idea that will suffice.. I can't afford to pay to get that diagnosis.. ::