Question to females

Argamemnon

Argamemnon

Well-known member
If I'm ever going to be in a relationship, the woman has to accept that I will need to spend lots of time alone. She would be sitting alone in another room for hours and shouldn't have a problem with this. Also, I definitely don't want to sleep in the same bed, except when having sex. Do you think there are women willing to accept this? I mean this is pretty extreme, isn't it? I'm certainly not relationship/marriage material. Would anyone accept a man like that?
 
K

klytus

Well-known member
I am not female, but I guess that a relationship of the variety you would like to have can be possible under certain circumstances. For example, a woman who feels similarly, should be very willing to be with you. Alternatively, a very busy lady might accept it as well, as she needs time alone to work, that time you can be for yourself, and she might be sufficiently distanced and self-sufficient to prefer or accept to sleep in separate beds.

Moreover, who says that people in a romantic relationship must live together? I find it healthier to have separate flats/houses and even lives. The imperative seems to be to let each other's lives point into the same direction, yet only intertwine at certain times.

The concept of marriage is ridiculous.
 
no1

no1

Banned
well I wouldn't go extreme I think. I think if a woman really loved me, then she would understand when I want to be alone, and not go running off to another man. Like for example if I need to work or study or be alone for some reason, that is not o just be with another woman. I would hope she could also be alone, or apart from me for just one second without having to run off with another man. Hopefully since we both love each other she won't be needing to do that, as I would most certainly try to be with her as much as I can, and we need.

She would have to understand my differences at least when we're not having fun together. I would need her trust, and for her to trust me, and to have a life of her own which she can actually bring to our relationship, as our relationship brings to our lives.

i would like some space as much as she wants her own. And to have a life. At least for the times that we aren't going to be together, for whatever reason.

I am always worried that a woman will not like me for whatever reason. Perhaps might feel that I don't give her enough attention, or am good enough for her.

Hopefully she can understand that I may need some space, and trust that we can be together when we need to be.
 
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D

doesit

Well-known member
i wouldnt say any normal woman would agree to that :/ ,even if so it would not last long.and living not together is not a relationship.
 
no1

no1

Banned
klytus said:
I am not female, but I guess that a relationship of the variety you would like to have can be possible under certain circumstances. For example, a woman who feels similarly, should be very willing to be with you. Alternatively, a very busy lady might accept it as well, as she needs time alone to work, that time you can be for yourself, and she might be sufficiently distanced and self-sufficient to prefer or accept to sleep in separate beds.

Moreover, who says that people in a romantic relationship must live together? I find it healthier to have separate flats/houses and even lives. The imperative seems to be to let each other's lives point into the same direction, yet only intertwine at certain times.

The concept of marriage is ridiculous.
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The concept of marriage, is ok to me. Marriage in itself to me is not wrong, or harmful as long as it's done right..

Sure religions and people have abused others and used marriage for wrong. But that's just one side of marriage. Marriage is universal. Living in the same household also can be.

I disagree with people that think that all types of marriages are wrong, or that it will never work out. Sure there have been bad marriages, and that bad marriages have become a bit of a NORM some societies.. and that institutions have "capitalized" on marriages and destroyed the idea of marriage.

IMO it's just one side of marriage. Really it's up to the individuals choice. Yea some people are tricked into marriages, yea some people abuse their spouse but as I said that is just one side of the picture.
 
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no1

no1

Banned
I also disagree with the statement that human beings cannot be monogamous as some ppl say. They think that biologically it doesn't work. Well it does work and monogamy is found in nature, and humans are capable of it, biochemically it works also. It all comes down to individual choice really. Humans are capable to producing oxytocin and vasopressin. There's a supposed "infidelity gene" but that's like one of the many genes that are dormant in us, and what really matters is if they are expressed. There are tons of genetic disorders, or genetic pathways one can take.
 
Pookah

Pookah

Well-known member
To some extent I (a girl) feel the way you do. I like to be alone and away from the noise that is other people. Sleeping in the same bed with someone seems uncomfortable to me as well. I do like my space and have issues with closeness. However, I think this is a sign of abnormality related to our SA and other factors.

As much as I don't enjoy people all the time I still want to live with family and not alone. A spouse/significant other becomes your family and as such I think it is natural that they would eventually live together with you. It may not send the correct signals to go for this other arrangement and it would also seriously narrow the pool from which you could select a potential partner. Intimacy should come with sex. Something about having intercourse then going off directly after to be on your own seems too callous.

There are always exceptions to the rule though like others have said. Maybe you will find someone ok with your requirements. Then again it might end up that she isn't really what you want because she does accept them. Meh, life is complicated. :) Love is compromise.
 
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no1

no1

Banned
Pookah said:
But you don't want to cuddle. :(

::p::D
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says you.

I dunno, about sleeping in the same bed together. I think if our relationship is good and we build a trust, I would be able to feel comfortable with my partner, in the same bed. Trust in a relationship is important.

On the other hand if you have trust issues and you or your partner can't do anything about it... then it must be understood.
 
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Argamemnon

Argamemnon

Well-known member
Pookah said:
But you don't want to cuddle. :(

::p::D
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Actually, I like cuddling much more than sex. I crave it. Apparently, I came across as some freak who is only after sex. Far from it... I should have been clearer.
 
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Pookah

Pookah

Well-known member
Argamemnon said:
Actually, I like cuddling much more than sex. I crave it. Apparently, I came across as some freak who is only after sex. Far from it... I should have been clearer.
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Ah, hehe. Sorry if it seems I misunderstood. I just meant that bed sharing before/after sex is important for intimacy. I do get where you are coming from though.

I happen to be a somewhat violent sleeper at times. When someone (even a pet) is in the bed with me my body is uncomfortably stiff as I unconsciously try to occupy a small conserved space or it contracts in a painful position as I sleep aware that someone else is there. (Then my back/neck ends up bothering me when I wake.)

Alone time is normal. It just depends on how much you want and how you handle it. Going casually to another room to read while the other watches tv is perfectly normal or even going out. However if it is more like say asking them to vacate because you are having anxiety and want them gone for a while I can see how that might be hurtful over time to the other person. If that makes sense?
 
Argamemnon

Argamemnon

Well-known member
Pookah said:
Ah, hehe. Sorry if it seems I misunderstood. I just meant that bed sharing before/after sex is important for intimacy. I do get where you are coming from though.

I happen to be a somewhat violent sleeper at times. When someone (even a pet) is in the bed with me my body is uncomfortably stiff as I unconsciously try to occupy a small conserved space or it contracts in a painful position as I sleep aware that someone else is there. (Then my back/neck ends up bothering me when I wake.)

Alone time is normal. It just depends on how much you want and how you handle it. Going casually to another room to read while the other watches tv is perfectly normal or even going out. However if it is more like say asking them to vacate because you are having anxiety and want them gone for a while I can see how that might be hurtful over time to the other person. If that makes sense?
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Yes that makes sense. I have to admit anxiety does play a huge role here. After work I feel almost dead and really can't tolerate any human being around me.
 
Slothrop

Slothrop

Well-known member
You're making a big assumption in thinking that your interactions with a woman won't change what you're comfortable with. By the time you get to the point where cohabitation or marriage was being discussed, chances are very good that you'll feel differently about these things.
 
no1

no1

Banned
Argamemnon said:
OK, I mean cuddling after sex :D Seriously, cuddling, smelling and kissing the person you love must be amazing. It's a horrible feeling to be deprived of this one's whole life.
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I think metaphorically.. the body craves to... find oneself blissfully in another. :p and to share love by appreciation. Or to Unify.
 
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