Question to females

[Argamemnon]

I'd really like to know whether our female members - who are married or have a relationship - would have been in this position if they had been male. I mean as we all know men are supposed to approach women...

Thanks in advance 8)

 

[Depressed4life]

...

I don't understand your question :?

 

[Argamemnon]

Must be my English; my question is directed to females who suffer from severe social anxiety, and yet have a boyfriend or a husband.

Would you have a relationship if you were male? Because women are approached by men, thus I can imagine that being female makes it easier to find a partner...

 

[Generical]

You may have seen it but this thread is pretty much exactly the same http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/posts14678-0.html

 

[Primrose]

Not married, have been single for years. I don't think my sex makes life any easier or harder.

Some guys do like shy girls and want to make the first move and protect them, but those kinds of girls are usually quite pretty and vunerable looking. When your looks aren't particularly pleasing to the male eye it makes life a little harder that's for sure.

 

[miss_amy]

Hard to answer, not really sure. I didn't meet my husband face to face, we met online first, got to know each other by chatting online. Been together 8 years. There was no asking out as such, more of a steady chat and friendship forming first. My man is my best friend.

I can see it's a big pressure that men are expected to ask the woman. Not sure I would outright ask a girl out if I was male.

 

[Kien]

When your looks aren't particularly pleasing to the male eye it makes life a little harder that's for sure.

I can confirm that's true. I could never feel attraction to a girl who isn't good looking enough.

 

[foxytrot]

When your looks aren't particularly pleasing to the male eye it makes life a little harder that's for sure.

I can confirm that's true. I could never feel attraction to a girl who isn't good looking enough.

Kein i kind of agree with what your saying to fancy someone you have to find them attractive but i think we all find different kinds of people attractive and as the saying goes beauty is in the eye of the beholder - for example i used to think jeff goldblum was very attractive but my friends thought he was ugly ( and that i was a little weird) lol

 

[moodygoo]

I also met my bf online and hes pretty shy too. The question is is it as easy for shy good looking guys as it is for shy good looking girls? (not online)

I can confirm that's true. I could never feel attraction to a girl who isn't good looking enough.

I find comments like this depressing and I'm sure I've read you saying something similar before. Maybe its just the way you phrase it "good looking enough" sounds like you're waiting for a stunner... I might've read into it wrong but don't personality, mannerisms, quirks and unconventional cuteness matter at all??

I know looks do matter slightly. A really unattractive guy once liked me but I wasn't attracted to his personality either.. but I wonder if I would've gone out with him if he was better looking.. but then would he have gone out with me.. aah I'm getting dizzy

 

[Kien]

I find comments like this depressing and I'm sure I've read you saying something similar before.

Well like I said in mein last post in the "look for in a bf/gf" thread; more and more people telling that they want happy, social and funny persons for a partner just shows people here that they are not likely to ever have anyone.

 

[moodygoo]

Well count me out of wanting happy and social people .. SA doesn't prevent people from having the qualities that I'd like, and probably not for non-shy girls too but I can't speak with authority on that one
Have we gone a little off topic?

 

[SocialRetahd]

It's all relative to your level of physical attractiveness.

good looking shy guys will still be in good shape, cause there are always superficial females that just like to be seen with a good looking guy and pretend they're living in a gap commerical.

Average and below looking guys with no personality or are shy are fucked.

females only say they want a funny or intelligent guy to not seem shallow. They pretty much have no idea what they want.

 

[Luna]

I'm a female and have spent many weekend evenings dateless (I'm attractive too). My mom didn't understand why I wasn't dating like girls my age were. And yes, it doesn't help with my SP that I expect guys to make the moves or talk to me.

My current SO also has social phobia...he's probably worse than me :lol: I actually had to approach him a bit more and drop obvious hints over his head like a ton of bricks. I just liked him that much. I have always found more solace in very quiet guys. Outgoing men scare the bejezzus out of me.

If I have a crush on someone, of course, I avoid areas where I know they'll be (a grocery store, their city). I dread them spotting me for some reason.

 

[Day_Tripper]

Guys and girls think differently.

Guys are more attracted to looks, and girls are attracted to personality. Ever see an average guy with a really good looking girl? I do all the time. Most of the time at least. But I never see a shy, withdrawn guy with a "hot" girl. As long as a guy acts and dresses cool, girls will be attracted to him even if he has glasses, is chubby or skinny, is going bald, or is sort of ugly. Look at some of the weird looking celebrities out there that girls think are hot.

NOT the case for girls unfortunately. If you look at female celebrities, all of them look almost the F***ING SAME!!! It's like the same woman with some small variation with their face or hair. Yes, the majority of what most guys are attracted to is still a much smaller range than what girls are, but of course, DON'T lose hope ladies, there are millions of guys that have a 'thing' for whatever you consider your "flaws".

 

[Kien]

Yes, the majority of what most guys are attracted to is still a much smaller range than what girls are, but of course, DON'T lose hope ladies, there are millions of guys that have a 'thing' for whatever you consider your "flaws".

I've realized in later times that latina girls attracts me like shit. (<,<)

 

[Moonie]

I was very fortunate to be born a female, because I know that I would never have a SO if I were a male.

I am pretty good looking, so I think that is why I get approached at all. It definitely allows guys to come up to me and talk. But, I find that most of these guys eventually get annoyed with the way I act. So, in the end, it doesn't even matter. And even if I am a fun and interesting person around my SO (when I am comfortable with them), most of the time I can not warm up around their family or friends. So, I think that I am an embarrassment because of it and I do think that my SO's friends and families view of me influence their view, too.

So, once my looks are gone, I am out of luck. Because then no one will even be interested in trying to get to know me at all.

I just want to find someone who accepts me and will not get annoyed with the way I am - - it takes me a long time to be comfortable around people. Maybe it's because I have dated mostly all outgoing types -who probably want an outgoing girl. I wonder if I dated someone more shy and reserved like myself, if that would be better for me. Yet, usually none of these types are willing to approach me. And I don't have to guts to approach them.

 

[Argamemnon]

Excuse my ignorance, but what does the abbreviation SO mean?

 

[replica]

I'm guessing Significant Other.

 

[Primrose]

I would rather have a kicking personality over looks any day. I think attractiveness is superficial and creates it's own problems.

I know loads of really average looking women who have great relationships because they're really happy with who they are.

 

[miss_amy]

My man is super confident, very vocal and very sociable. I think we are a good match because he fills in the gaps and does the stuff that I find difficult and I calm him down. I fill the gaps in the side he has trouble with, like the soft side with the children and remembering things that he forgets. I have a good thinking mind and good ideas which he then uses his confidence to put in place. We are a good team, home and business wise. We complicate each othervery well. I think I would find it hard having a partner with the same troubles as I do...