Question for mom's with S/A

[Section_31]

I was just thinking about the future of my wife and I, and thought i would put this out there.

Any mom's who live with S/A, after you had your little one, did you have any experience with post-partem (SP?) depression?. And if so, do you think it was made worse by your S/A? how was your S/A affected by all this?

I was thinking about this and it made me a little nervous. Were not anywhere near the point of kids yet, at least intending to have any, but lets face it, were all adults and we know things happen and we know sometimes little suprises seemingly come out of nowhere, and i feel its responsible just to be aware of what potentially could come afterwards.

I havnt mentioned this to my hunny yet, shes having an off day and i dont think now is the best time to do so, but i'll bring it up with her later and get her input.

Thoughts?

-E

 

[Feathers]

I'm not a mum but I've done some research on nutrition and some of it suggests that sometimes if SA is a cause of eg magnesium deficiency (or other mineral/vitamin-deficiency) due to increased body needs that can make pregnancy and post-partum time worse... so one thing to check and make sure of would be nutrition.. (it may be especially important for eg vegetarians/vegans to make sure to get enough important nutrients..)

Some mums do experience 'the baby blues' or post-partum depression, I think it can be good to read about their experience and what helped.. (there are forums and blogs for that..)
An online friend had some problems too - partly also because of the many changes etc, new things & logistics to get hold of etc. She's HSP and had moodswings/crying.. (Not sure if she's had SA though..) She did recuperate after a while, most women do!

I think supportive dads/partners can do A LOT in this direction!!
Also, it's important that she has some support from family/friends/doula etc. Other pregnant women/new moms etc. To exchange experience, tips & tricks.. (Ideally both online & iRL..)

 

[Section_31]

Thanks for your reply Feathers

Im planning to make damned sure she has my support. Ive already spoken to my boss about being able to work from home. Im going to make sure im there to help out. I'll definately be researching the subject more in depth.

Silly question....whats a doula??

 

[rjv]

I have SA, clinical depression and OCD...and I've had 3 kids. I had some issues after I had my babies but I think it was mainly due to a lack of sleep and stress. Considering you're planning on helping her out I'm sure everything will be fine. My husband worked long hours so I was stuck by myself alot. I think maybe that's what my issue was.

 

[Feathers]

Doula is a person who helps a pregnant woman with advice, massage, etc Doula - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia There's lots of info online, you might also ask locally if there are any.. (or look online for local doulas or local birth centers or such)

There are also support groups for breastfeeding etc. and online sites with advice on that...
(Things you learn if an online friend is pregnant and has a baby! )

About working from home.. hmm... Make sure you know what you're doing.. personally, I don't think it's always a good idea, especially if you don't have uninterrupted time and space at home.. There must be VERY good boundaries between work-time and non-work time, some dads put an 'I'm working' notice on the door (works for bigger children, ideally) Or you need very good ear muffs..

Were you planning to do this just for a while? Or long-term? Would your wife be at home too? Maybe after the initial weeks off (can you get 'daddy vacation' where you live?) part-time work from home would be better, or if you can get another office and some babysitting/help elsewhere at least at times when you need to do some work in 'uniterrupted' time (it depends on what your job is too, how much uninterrupted time you need) Some babies are really quiet and so this might work well, it might be more difficult when they start running around.. some people get babysitters/kindergarten even if they work from home.. again, depends on your work etc.

You both need a support network or you both might 'crash and burn'! Maybe your or her parents or other relatives/friends might help with some babysitting or other help too.. It's good to start working on building a 'support network' and agree on the boundaries etc. Some grandparents LOVE to babysit, some only occasionally or rarely.. Sometimes there are neighbours or local teenagers who love to babysit (sometimes for free, at least where I live), it depends.. Or some friends might exchange it for other 'services' or might offer babysitting in return for you next time babysitting their kid/s too.. or other things.. even single friends or neighbours might appreciate opportunity to babysit and learn about babies.. (So make use of all these resources The more, the better.. If they are reliable people, of course..) Other friends or acquaintances may have 'baby phobia' and may need to be educated about all this.. and to take it slowly.. And to be able to talk about other things not just babies too.. It helps if you have people who you can talk about questions most important to you too!! Depending on your parenting style/what kind of dad/parents you'd wish to be etc.

 

[bigcat1967]

I'm thinking that post-partem is very rare in this world. However, this is out of my league and do appreciate the above ppl for stepping up and answering these questions!

 

[NathanielWingateSpaghetti]

Doula is a person who helps a pregnant woman with advice, massage, etc Doula - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia There's lots of info online, you might also ask locally if there are any.. (or look online for local doulas or local birth centers or such)

There are also support groups for breastfeeding etc. and online sites with advice on that...
(Things you learn if an online friend is pregnant and has a baby! )

About working from home.. hmm... Make sure you know what you're doing.. personally, I don't think it's always a good idea, especially if you don't have uninterrupted time and space at home.. There must be VERY good boundaries between work-time and non-work time, some dads put an 'I'm working' notice on the door (works for bigger children, ideally) Or you need very good ear muffs..

Were you planning to do this just for a while? Or long-term? Would your wife be at home too? Maybe after the initial weeks off (can you get 'daddy vacation' where you live?) part-time work from home would be better, or if you can get another office and some babysitting/help elsewhere at least at times when you need to do some work in 'uniterrupted' time (it depends on what your job is too, how much uninterrupted time you need) Some babies are really quiet and so this might work well, it might be more difficult when they start running around.. some people get babysitters/kindergarten even if they work from home.. again, depends on your work etc.

You both need a support network or you both might 'crash and burn'! Maybe your or her parents or other relatives/friends might help with some babysitting or other help too.. It's good to start working on building a 'support network' and agree on the boundaries etc. Some grandparents LOVE to babysit, some only occasionally or rarely.. Sometimes there are neighbours or local teenagers who love to babysit (sometimes for free, at least where I live), it depends.. Or some friends might exchange it for other 'services' or might offer babysitting in return for you next time babysitting their kid/s too.. or other things.. even single friends or neighbours might appreciate opportunity to babysit and learn about babies.. (So make use of all these resources The more, the better.. If they are reliable people, of course..) Other friends or acquaintances may have 'baby phobia' and may need to be educated about all this.. and to take it slowly.. And to be able to talk about other things not just babies too.. It helps if you have people who you can talk about questions most important to you too!! Depending on your parenting style/what kind of dad/parents you'd wish to be etc.

Doulas are ****ing expensive though

 

[Remus]

Does your wife have a health visitor or nurse that checks on her? They usually do questionairres to to check on PND, It's free here and In the UK they do this until the age of 5 now. Maybe it's the same over there? They follow up with specialist teams to help out with CBT and such.

I think involving family to take the pressure off is good too. Maybe taking out the child yourself to give mum a break. Doing non stressful outings like a family day at the park can brighten a dark mood.

I've been on the receiving end of PND twice and it can be hard. Maybe ask at a mums forum for advice as I gather not many here are parents

 

[NathanielWingateSpaghetti]

......and if the woman was depressed during her pregnancy. Other life stresses such as being a single mom up your chances of having PPD. Progesterone and estrogen skyrocket at conception and right after birth these hormones drop back to normal and this is what is believed to cause it, but still no one really is 100% sure why it happens.

 

[Scooter]

I have SP and 2 kids and having kids gave me a great excuse to be at home and not have to work or be around other people - perfection.
Although I find it much harder now they're 6 & 7 and they want to socialise :-(

Post Partum Depression is strongly linked to sleep cycles, among other factors. It's not directly related to SP so I wouldnt worry about that unless you have a specific reason.

 

[Glimmergirl]

Any mom's who live with S/A, after you had your little one, did you have any experience with post-partem (SP?) depression?. And if so, do you think it was made worse by your S/A? how was your S/A affected by all this?

Hi there, well I must be honest and say that it's really thoughtful of you to ask that. I didn't know how serious post partum illnesses were until I had a kid of my own. I dind't know what it was. I heard of the "baby blues" but I wasn't a depressed sort and I always had SA but not depressed. No one gave me any warning about PND or information at all so I was pretty much in the dark. It's said that not all women get this. I'm one of the rare few who did. I didn't get PND so much as it wasn't depression. I had a more extreme form of illness called post partum psychosis or puerperal psychosis. That is more rare than PND. The illness was dreadful. As for SA this disappeared (not in a good way) as all of who I was disapeared also. I lost my identity. After recovery though I regained myself, found my inner core beliefs and SA returned!

Does your wife have a health visitor or nurse that checks on her? They usually do questionairres to to check on PND, It's free here and In the UK they do this until the age of 5 now. Maybe it's the same over there? They follow up with specialist teams to help out with CBT and such.

I'm in Yorkshire and suffered post partum psychosis. I don't recall anyone checking me until I was admitted to hospital. After recovery (it took two years to fully get over that) the Health Visitor was never there at all and she last said "well that's it then. You're okay now. Goodbye." I'm now having to seek therapy because I suffer depression now and always had very low self esteem. I've been on the waiting list since last summer and I have to rely on the GP in the meantime. My daughter is almost four years old. Remus, where/what are those questionanairs for PND until children are aged 5 that you mentioned in your post? I haven't seen any. I feel as if I've been let down and left out.

 

[Remus]

I'm in Yorkshire and suffered post partum psychosis. I don't recall anyone checking me until I was admitted to hospital. After recovery (it took two years to fully get over that) the Health Visitor was never there at all and she last said "well that's it then. You're okay now. Goodbye." I'm now having to seek therapy because I suffer depression now and always had very low self esteem. I've been on the waiting list since last summer and I have to rely on the GP in the meantime. My daughter is almost four years old. Remus, where/what are those questionanairs for PND until children are aged 5 that you mentioned in your post? I haven't seen any. I feel as if I've been let down and left out.

Maybe the system has changed now, this was last year and there was huge support (Health visitors, social services, CPN and therapists). Though local area health authorities can vary nowadays. Here in Trafford, health visitors come monthly and a 'mood test' was conducted from the first and then subsequant visits.

It sounds like you hyave been let down. Maybe next time you go to the docs, say you are going to cause harm to yourself or others. That makes them jump.

 

[Glimmergirl]

Maybe the system has changed now, this was last year and there was huge support (Health visitors, social services, CPN and therapists). Though local area health authorities can vary nowadays. Here in Trafford, health visitors come monthly and a 'mood test' was conducted from the first and then subsequant visits.

It sounds like you hyave been let down. Maybe next time you go to the docs, say you are going to cause harm to yourself or others. That makes them jump.

Interesting with that info. I didn't know any of this. I've never been offered that since no one has come to talk to me about it. I'm going to contact the GP and ask what it is, then tell them I've not had this and I'll complain about it. But if a woman has had PND then they might not bother anymore once she's recovered?

 

[Remus]

I'll give you details.

Doc contacts the MARAT team consisting of social workers and a psychiatric nurse

Multi Agency Referral and Assessment Team (MARAT)

Assesment made and reffered to the Perinatal Support Team, then vistited by health visitor every month and therapist weekly:

Trafford Wellbeing

Maybe your Local area health authority has the same set up?

You could complain to the BMA or council ombudsman

 

[Feathers]

Glimmergirl, if you have had depression, try The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns, it helps if you do the exercises.

The kind of environment that is around you influences a lot too... Is it supportive or not, etc. Both people and physical environment. Any iffy chemical factories near or enough fresh air etc. You might need to tweak nutrition a bit too, if necessary.. (eg more leafy greens to 'flush away' any toxics..)

Sorry to hear about what you've had to go through... Thanks for telling about it.. I didn't know such a thing existed.. I googled it up: Postpartum psychosis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I wouldn't say things like wanting to harm someone if it weren't true though.. Depends how bad your depression is.. If it's milder you can do a lot yourself.. If it's not so mild, it would be good to at least have someone to drag you with for a walk every day etc. (That's how some people cured their depression too!)

 

[Glimmergirl]

I'll give you details.

Doc contacts the MARAT team consisting of social workers and a psychiatric nurse

Multi Agency Referral and Assessment Team (MARAT)

Assesment made and reffered to the Perinatal Support Team, then vistited by health visitor every month and therapist weekly:

Trafford Wellbeing

Maybe your Local area health authority has the same set up?

You could complain to the BMA or council ombudsman

I've spoken to the local GP's surgery and they don't know anything about women being tested for their moods until children are aged five. Yes there are earlier check-ups for new mums when they've had a baby. HV's ask them how are they feeling. They get visits from the health visitor and this tapers off when kids are preschoolers. Your area is different to how people run things here. Also I've spoken to friends and other women on a parenting forum, and they don't know about the mood tests until kids are aged 5 either. Yes that is what happens in your area, not everywhere. It isn't all over the UK. Perhaps it should be, I think.

Glimmergirl, if you have had depression, try The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns, it helps if you do the exercises.

The kind of environment that is around you influences a lot too... Is it supportive or not, etc. Both people and physical environment. Any iffy chemical factories near or enough fresh air etc. You might need to tweak nutrition a bit too, if necessary.. (eg more leafy greens to 'flush away' any toxics..)

Sorry to hear about what you've had to go through... Thanks for telling about it.. I didn't know such a thing existed.. I googled it up: Postpartum psychosis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I wouldn't say things like wanting to harm someone if it weren't true though.. Depends how bad your depression is.. If it's milder you can do a lot yourself.. If it's not so mild, it would be good to at least have someone to drag you with for a walk every day etc. (That's how some people cured their depression too!)

Thanks so much for your reply and link. I really didn't know anything about the illness until I had it! They never tell people this. They know about it but for some reason don't mention it to girls or young women before they start a family.

 

[Remus]

I've spoken to the local GP's surgery and they don't know anything about women being tested for their moods until children are aged five.

I didn't elaborate in my first post here. This 5 year check is done because PND was detected and treatment given, it's not the norm. Just like the fact the child will be visted by social services to check up on safety.

I don't usually post private issues which are not SA related so if you want to know more, contact me via PM.

I do think something is amiss with your case as you suffered a serious mental health issue and seem to have been ignored. Maybe time to visit that MP!

 

[chickenmaryjane]

I have SA, clinical depression and OCD...and I've had 3 kids. I had some issues after I had my babies but I think it was mainly due to a lack of sleep and stress. Considering you're planning on helping her out I'm sure everything will be fine. My husband worked long hours so I was stuck by myself alot. I think maybe that's what my issue was.

Exactly, not having enough sleep can make anybody cranky and moody. After my last child my depression was at it worse. I had terrible thoughts about my child being murdered. I imagined him being impaled by angry people. But what help me through this ordeal was prayer.

 

[Waybuloo]

I have a toddler and the first few months were the most difficult months of my life, as I never knew the effect of night wakings/feedings and disrupted sleep have on the human body and moods. I was irratable, sometimes very depressed, which I was anyways before I got pregnant. My health visitor and psychiatrist thought that I had depression, which I disagree with as I still enjoyed things and liked to have a laugh, but it was just my situation making me very upset sometimes. I think sometimes health professionals are quick to over react and over diagnose.

In terms of anxiety, it made me more withdrawn as I had an excuse not to go out and goto work, hence even going to the shops and paying for food made me anxious and shake. I can't bring myself to join a playgroup due to fear of other women. I used to be scared of children too, still am when others are looking, but not so much as before.

I think it's great that you are so considerate and caring. When the time comes, make sure to tell her in advance of any depression setting in that you are there to help her and support her in any way, so that it is drilled into her and she won't forget. Also watch for signs, sometimes it's just 'baby blues' which goes away after a while, but coupled with anxiety, it can make a person more reclusive and increase anxiety, which in turn compounds the level of depression.