Putting your theories of social ineptitude to the test

zav943

zav943

Well-known member
So I just got back from a long, uneventful day at university. I wasn't really anxious during the day, just miserable...watching all the freshmen socializing and such.

I was thinking...why not join these orientation events, maybe I'll get to meet some people. But then I thought...wait...people hate me. I mean, this is why I don't bother introducing myself to them: because I know they'll hate me. And girls invariably reject me. So what's the point?

But then I remembered CBT, and one of the chapters was about testing your theories about your social shortcomings.

The way that works is:

1) Pin down the theory that's holding you back: I feel that people instantly hate me if I introduce myself to them. I am threatening and people are averse to talking to me or me talking to them.

2) Assign an anxiety index to that theory: In my case, I would be 90% anxious to introduce myself to someone new at school

3) Try to think of people or times in which your theory failed: An old friend of mine which I barely talked to in 2 years texted me welcoming me back home and wishing me a nice school year. I had a few good job interviews last year and got 2 second interviews (out of MANY)

4) Reassign an anxiety index: I now would feel 70% anxious if I had to introduce myself to someone new at school

5) TEST THE THEORY: Go out and do exactly what I'm afraid of...introduce myself to a random selection of new students and try to talk to them

6) Assess results: Does the theory still hold? If yes, then reassess your social strategy. Try a different approach and then repeat step 5.

7) Reassign an anxiety index: I now would feel X% anxious if I had to introduce myself to someone new at school

I'm feeling quite sick today, so I doubt I'll do anything tomorrow, but I will try it out soon.


Let me know what you think and how this strategy might help you
 
U

userremoved

Guest
I've never done CBT before but it does look like it's worth a shot. We've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
 
M

Minty

Well-known member
My brain is so smart, when I feed it positive thoughts it thinks I'm just telling it what it wants to hear and calls me a liar. D:
 
N0D

N0D

Banned
Minty said:
My brain is so smart, when I feed it positive thoughts it thinks I'm just telling it what it wants to hear and calls me a liar. D:
Click to expand...

That made me crack up. Thanks. :)

So my brain isn't smart, what does CBT mean?
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Yeah, I think this could be helpful!

I've done CBT before (learnt it from The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns - great book!) and it was helpful. It still is, if I remember to do it!! LOL

So Minty and others, just try it! - It's not just saying pretty things to yourself, it's challening the negative/hurtful stuff to see how valid it actually is!!

For example: 'people hate me' - hey 'does everyone hate me' - well, some people on the SA forum seem to adore me, hmm?? or at least like me enough to be my friends and answer to my topics, etc. So I'm not totally hate-able, am I?

So this may change into something like: 'while some people might not particularly like me (hate is a strong word: has anyone actually told you they hated you? have you been persecuted by KKK or other hate groups?) other people seem to like me just fine.' (of course if you're anything like me, you may ask yourself, 'But why?' or 'What's wrong with them?' lol!)

So to answer 'but why?' you could actually go ask your friends, or remember nice things others have said about you, what they seemed to like about you.. And 'what's wrong with them' - uhm, yeah, they may be worse off or more shy/socially inadept, but I've found some shy people actually make much better friends and are also often MUCH more interesting, soo...? hmm..??

So yeah, GO CBT!! lol
(And thanks for reminding me! :))
 
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