zav943
Well-known member
So I just got back from a long, uneventful day at university. I wasn't really anxious during the day, just miserable...watching all the freshmen socializing and such.
I was thinking...why not join these orientation events, maybe I'll get to meet some people. But then I thought...wait...people hate me. I mean, this is why I don't bother introducing myself to them: because I know they'll hate me. And girls invariably reject me. So what's the point?
But then I remembered CBT, and one of the chapters was about testing your theories about your social shortcomings.
The way that works is:
1) Pin down the theory that's holding you back: I feel that people instantly hate me if I introduce myself to them. I am threatening and people are averse to talking to me or me talking to them.
2) Assign an anxiety index to that theory: In my case, I would be 90% anxious to introduce myself to someone new at school
3) Try to think of people or times in which your theory failed: An old friend of mine which I barely talked to in 2 years texted me welcoming me back home and wishing me a nice school year. I had a few good job interviews last year and got 2 second interviews (out of MANY)
4) Reassign an anxiety index: I now would feel 70% anxious if I had to introduce myself to someone new at school
5) TEST THE THEORY: Go out and do exactly what I'm afraid of...introduce myself to a random selection of new students and try to talk to them
6) Assess results: Does the theory still hold? If yes, then reassess your social strategy. Try a different approach and then repeat step 5.
7) Reassign an anxiety index: I now would feel X% anxious if I had to introduce myself to someone new at school
I'm feeling quite sick today, so I doubt I'll do anything tomorrow, but I will try it out soon.
Let me know what you think and how this strategy might help you
I was thinking...why not join these orientation events, maybe I'll get to meet some people. But then I thought...wait...people hate me. I mean, this is why I don't bother introducing myself to them: because I know they'll hate me. And girls invariably reject me. So what's the point?
But then I remembered CBT, and one of the chapters was about testing your theories about your social shortcomings.
The way that works is:
1) Pin down the theory that's holding you back: I feel that people instantly hate me if I introduce myself to them. I am threatening and people are averse to talking to me or me talking to them.
2) Assign an anxiety index to that theory: In my case, I would be 90% anxious to introduce myself to someone new at school
3) Try to think of people or times in which your theory failed: An old friend of mine which I barely talked to in 2 years texted me welcoming me back home and wishing me a nice school year. I had a few good job interviews last year and got 2 second interviews (out of MANY)
4) Reassign an anxiety index: I now would feel 70% anxious if I had to introduce myself to someone new at school
5) TEST THE THEORY: Go out and do exactly what I'm afraid of...introduce myself to a random selection of new students and try to talk to them
6) Assess results: Does the theory still hold? If yes, then reassess your social strategy. Try a different approach and then repeat step 5.
7) Reassign an anxiety index: I now would feel X% anxious if I had to introduce myself to someone new at school
I'm feeling quite sick today, so I doubt I'll do anything tomorrow, but I will try it out soon.
Let me know what you think and how this strategy might help you