Pride and Ego as a source of SA

[Miserum]

I find that when I succeed to move my focus from myself to my surrounding, and place myself in a context where what matters is my view on them and not the other way around, social interactions become another kind of experience.

How are you able to consciously shift your focus from helplessly feeling, for lack of a better term, judged, to feeling like you're the one that's judging?

For example, I have a few negative features (not just how I look, like stuttering for example) that I feel are glaringly obvious to other parties, and feel inferior a lot of the time because of them. It's only when I notice that others have glaringly obvious features as well that I feel on their level and it's in these moments when I let the "best me" come out because I feel like they can't judge me for my faults when their faults are so glaringly obvious.

And insecurities are an attitude problem I think. I know people that at first glance you would assume to be meek or unconfident, but then they start to talk and their attitude is bursting with confidence. They apparently don't let their "faults" affect their attitude.

I want to get over myself. In that way I could be confident like these people. They might be ugly, short, fat, skinny, have bad hygiene, unintelligent, yet still somehow manage to look past these things without seemingly a care in the world.

I'm always trying to figure out what it is they have that makes them exude confidence in themselves, that I lack. Maybe if I just completely ignore my pride, ignore any notions I may have about myself, I can be confident too. Anyway, went on a bit of a rant there, just spitballing I guess.

 

[BlueDays]

....I'm always trying to figure out what it is they have that makes them exude confidence in themselves, that I lack....

I have a belief that people who are confident and exhibit confidence in their behaviour - despite having obvious flaws - have never had other people tear, cut up, rip, eat away like acid, viciously slash or beat up on their confidence.

As I see it, we are not born with no confidence. Very little infants do not have a problem with confidence.
Someone in our lives/environment has to erode or damage it to result in a person ending up with no confidence in themselves.

Some of us fortunately know when our confidence was shattered and destroyed. But sadly this is not so obvious for some people and they need to delve into their past, do some soul searching, to find out where and when the damage was done.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

How are you able to consciously shift your focus from helplessly feeling, for lack of a better term, judged, to feeling like you're the one that's judging?

For example, I have a few negative features (not just how I look, like stuttering for example) that I feel are glaringly obvious to other parties, and feel inferior a lot of the time because of them. It's only when I notice that others have glaringly obvious features as well that I feel on their level and it's in these moments when I let the "best me" come out because I feel like they can't judge me for my faults when their faults are so glaringly obvious.

And insecurities are an attitude problem I think. I know people that at first glance you would assume to be meek or unconfident, but then they start to talk and their attitude is bursting with confidence. They apparently don't let their "faults" affect their attitude.

I want to get over myself. In that way I could be confident like these people. They might be ugly, short, fat, skinny, have bad hygiene, unintelligent, yet still somehow manage to look past these things without seemingly a care in the world.

I'm always trying to figure out what it is they have that makes them exude confidence in themselves, that I lack. Maybe if I just completely ignore my pride, ignore any notions I may have about myself, I can be confident too. Anyway, went on a bit of a rant there, just spitballing I guess.

Didn't sound like a rant to me. And how to consciously shift your focus from judged to judging isn't an easy question to answer. In fact I think I didn't express myself properly. I try to shift my focus away from myself being judged and project it out there on the people I'm interacting with, not in a judging way but in a opening way, if that makes sense, I mean I try to unfocus myself from what I am projecting in order to open myself to what my interlocutors are projecting since this is actually what matters in social interactions.

That wouldn't have been easy to explain in my first language and it's probably barely intelligible in my second language.

 

[Miserum]

I have a belief that people who are confident and exhibit confidence in their behaviour - despite having obvious flaws - have never had other people tear, cut up, rip, eat away like acid, viciously slash or beat up on their confidence.

As I see it, we are not born with no confidence. Very little infants do not have a problem with confidence.
Someone in our lives/environment has to erode or damage it to result in a person ending up with no confidence in themselves.

Some of us fortunately know when our confidence was shattered and destroyed. But sadly this is not so obvious for some people and they need to delve into their past, do some soul searching, to find out where and when the damage was done.

I wholeheartedly agree. But even if I can pinpoint these instances, they still happened. And some continue to happen still. So I'm lost on how to resolve the bad feelings that have come with and continue to come with these instances.

 

[Miserum]

Didn't sound like a rant to me. And how to consciously shift your focus from judged to judging isn't an easy question to answer. In fact I think I didn't express myself properly. I try to shift my focus away from myself being judged and project it out there on the people I'm interacting with, not in a judging way but in a opening way, if that makes sense, I mean I try to unfocus myself from what I am projecting in order to open myself to what my interlocutors are projecting since this is actually what matters in social interactions.

That wouldn't have been easy to explain in my first language and it's probably barely intelligible in my second language.

So basically you try to separate yourself from that internal feeling of being judged, and instead open yourself to and "feed off" the vibe of the people you are socializing with?

Btw, I literally had no idea English wasn't your first language until you mentioned it. It's very good.:thumbup:

 

[Ransfordrowe]

Pride and ego can play their roles in anxiety.Irritation plays apart in my anxiety and certainly if my ego gets bruised or my pride hurt then I do feel irritated or actually angry.That in turn through various stages can increase my anxiety.

I guess its about learning to take things less personality and not being so defensive.Im working on these things with some success and set backs since its hard to change patterns of behaviour quickly.

 

[theoutsider]

Pride and ego make us think we are something important. They make us puff up our chests and think to ourselves that we deserve respect, praise, admiration, and whatever else leads to feelings of self-satisfaction.

And when our pride and egos are challenged, when we feel slighted and are hurt by others or feel we don't measure up, the result for some is SA - shelling up and avoiding social interactions because we don't want our precious egos to be wounded even further.

In a way SA is selfish. It forces us to look inward too much and too often in a negative way--and it's because our pride and egos dictate us to do so.

So maybe we should take the focus off our subconscious pride and egos. Maybe we shouldn't give them so much credit, and maybe when we actually do get slighted by people or are feeling insecure, it won't feel so bad.

This is one explanation out of many. This won't apply to everyone.

I see your point. When I am slighted, my first reaction is to disassociate myself from the people who did it. On one hand, I am removing myself from the source of pain. On the other hand, I am removing myself from people who for whatever reasons, still want my company. I feel like I'm a genuine person with a good heart and they are not good enough for my company if they have purposefully slighted me. I suppose that's pride and, in a way, ego. I'm not a confrontational person so I guess that's my only real defense. Not perfect but an honest self-assessment.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

So basically you try to separate yourself from that internal feeling of being judged, and instead open yourself to and "feed off" the vibe of the people you are socializing with?

Btw, I literally had no idea English wasn't your first language until you mentioned it. It's very good.:thumbup:

Seriously? Well thanks for saying that, now I'm impressed with myself haha

I think that's kind of what I mean, yeah. But rather than separating myself from an internal feeling, it's more like I just stop staring at myself and look at the whole picture. Like if you're sitting on a bench staring at a hole in your shoe, and then you look up around you and there's a circus going on. All of a sudden the hole in your shoe doesn't matter much.

 

[Miserum]

Seriously? Well thanks for saying that, now I'm impressed with myself haha

I think that's kind of what I mean, yeah. But rather than separating myself from an internal feeling, it's more like I just stop staring at myself and look at the whole picture. Like if you're sitting on a bench staring at a hole in your shoe, and then you look up around you and there's a circus going on. All of a sudden the hole in your shoe doesn't matter much.

Ah, I get it. Cool. Thanks for clarifying.