Post your SA experiences

worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
Sorry if there's already a thread like this, I couldn't find one, but I think it's a good thing to vent after experiencing socially anxious situations that we may have found ourselves in. I also find it helpful and comforting reading other people's experiences too. So feel free to tell your stories of situations you've found troubling in your life.
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
I just experienced a silly little one this morning that really shouldn't have bothered me but somehow it has. I was at work, cleaning the coffee shop of a supermarket. There were two middle aged ladies there too, one who works in the coffee shop and another who was stacking the shelves. They were both in very high spirits, laughing and joking and chatting very loudly across the shop. The problem was that the coffee shop lady kept trying to join me in to their fun and games, jokingly saying things like "oh don't talk about that. the cleaner's over there. You'll embarass him" or "oh the cleaner won't mind, he's been here for a long time", always in a joking way and obviously loud enough that her comments were intended for me, which was all fine I guess. The problem was that I had no clue what to say, so I ended up not saying anything, I just smiled. I felt like if I didn't join their banter at their level and say something loud and funny and a little bit cheeky, as they were doing, it would've just killed their fun. But I'm not quick witted or socially skilled, I talk in facts and that's about all I can manage. So I just smiled and didn't say anything, and eventually just left. And now I feel two things, firstly I'm worried that they're probably thinking bad thoughts about me now, that I'm boring or weird or no fun etc, and secondly I'm worried that perhaps I actually did something wrong? Was it rude of me not to join their banter? Should I have tried harder to join in? Or was it rude of them to expect me to join in? I'm not sure but the whole thing has just reminded me of my vulnerabilities in social situations. :(
 
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Liliford_

Active member
I've also find myself over analysisng a social situation in which I feel I have somehow 'messed up'. You didn't do anything wrong, and I doubt they would think anything bad of you, Just that you're quiet.

For me, one of my worst experiences was a little while ago. A friend was trying to get me back into my old hobby of mine, horse riding and invited me along to her stables. She had told the stable manager about me, and generally unknowingly put alot of pressure on me (well, to me it was pressure).
Anyway, I was essentionally told I had to go, would be expected to ride and do other horsey things, which totally freaked me out. The pressure was too much to handle and I had a straight up panic attack. And this was days before the little outing.

Safe to say, I only went there once. It was too much, too soon. That experience really hit home how much I had changed.
 
skins

skins

1
just experianced one of these moments literally a couple of hous ago....well story is, ive just moved to a small country town, which just has a couple of local police.

..for some reason police always bring out the worst of my anxiety, and they nearly always miss-read the anxiety as: "he's trying to hide somthing, lets give him a hard time and search his car till we find out why he's nervous" which invaribly makes me even more nervous as they begin to ask even more probing questions.

i knew i would get pulled up eventually by them given the way my car looks ..and tonight was the night. anyway i shouldn't feel so crap about the encounter as after all the car searching and probing questions they were poilte enough...I just keep thinking, that was so humiliating, they now think im a loser with no job, **** bomb of a car and maybe a bit of a lowlife everytime they see me now...ive just fallen on hard times is all lol
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member

ah yea I hate it when well intentioned friends try to pressure you into stuff. My sister coaxed me into playing piano in front of a room of 20-odd people once, and told them all how good I was etc, but I really wasn't that good. All I could play was a stuttered version of 'Michelle' by the Beatles, and I left feeling pretty embarrassed, like I'd let everybody down.


ah yea, I know the feeling. I'm always worse around figures of authority, especially if I'm in a small community where I'm likely to bump into them again. If I were to never see them again I think it'd make things easier. But I guess under their suits they're just fragile insecure humans like the rest of us.
 
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laure15

Well-known member
worrywort said:
You'll embarass him" or "oh the cleaner won't mind, he's been here for a long time", always in a joking way and obviously loud enough that her comments were intended for me, which was all fine I guess. The problem was that I had no clue what to say, so I ended up not saying anything, I just smiled. I felt like if I didn't join their banter at their level and say something loud and funny and a little bit cheeky, as they were doing, it would've just killed their fun. But I'm not quick witted or socially skilled, I talk in facts and that's about all I can manage. So I just smiled and didn't say anything, and eventually just left. And now I feel two things, firstly I'm worried that they're probably thinking bad thoughts about me now, that I'm boring or weird or no fun etc, and secondly I'm worried that perhaps I actually did something wrong? Was it rude of me not to join their banter? Should I have tried harder to join in? Or was it rude of them to expect me to join in? I'm not sure but the whole thing has just reminded me of my vulnerabilities in social situations. :(
Click to expand...

I also don't know how to joke around. I speak in facts but am clueless when it comes to joking. If I were you, I wouldn't know what to say without sounding awkard. In response to "You'll embarass him", do I say "No, you're not embarassing me" or must I come up with something witty? Not sure, and I can't think of anything witty.
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
I look for any related thread to express my current stress.

I wish I could summary my SA in a sentence. There are so many factors involved, mostly all about good and bad periods over life, or individual events.

I just finished on the phone with some unidentifiable telemarketing person. Annoying squeak in the ear. Starting with efforts to be friendly, I often erupt into fury & outrage, swearing at them down the phone after a certain persistent time. There was a good reminder to refer to July seminars. Anyone get sucked into pyramid marketing to follow big exhibitionist ploys to announce themselves and get you to sell things for them?

Typically American billionnaires with helicopters and islands. Herbalife?

I felt good this time. I got something right, and relaxed. Not missing out on anything. Glad to stay away. Even my mighty big brother talks the same of these organisations, agreeing with me. I feel on quite a high of screaming at someone. This one simple occasion had no meaning.

The worst mistake of my life has been to let anybody know my telephone number. I'm led to reveal my personal details when I get interested in working in my particular skillset.

Life would be fine, if I just never published myself to become the victim of attention-seekers. Before that, life was very different.
 
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spider04

1
There is a girl(I used to like her) from my school that I've talked to on Facebook sometimes, at school when I see her I just say hi or something like that and she does happily respond back, I have only once talked to her at school and it went horrible because of my anxiety and fear of talking to girls. One day I messaged her on Facebook, she did respond very short, I've send a message back and she never replied to it, it's been some months and I haven't seen her since then, until yesterday when I was leaving school she was standing right there where I have to pass by, she saw me and then looked around, I started feeling very anxious and weird, should I greet her or just keep walking? I said hi when I got closer and she didn't even look at me directly or say something, I felt horrible after that.
 
K

knr9311

Well-known member
Something happened to me that was really embarrassing a few days ago. I had just started a job at a food service place not too long ago, but suddenly I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. Well, I suppose it wasn't suddenly because I had been feeling like that from the first day, but it got worse as time went on. One thing that really got to me was that when I would get anxious about when people came in I would forget everything & my boss would get onto me about it. I wanted to say, "Sorry, I just get so nervous," but of course I wouldn't tell that to my boss. Authority figures make me really anxious too. I always feel like I'm not good enough or that I'm getting judged. Plus, my boss was foreign & so was one of my co-workers & they were talking in their native language & I was thinking, "they're talking about how horrible of a worker I am." So, the other day I just didn't go in. I didn't call them or anything. This is like the third job that I've done this at & those are the only three jobs I've had since I'm nineteen. I want a job so badly, but it doesn't work out because most places hiring are food service where you have to interact constantly & it's so draining for me. I haven't told anyone except one friend & my mom. I feel like I just let everyone down. :sad:
 
xylo

xylo

Banned
Sorry for the long post, feel free to ignore, but I have a positive social experience! I've just come back from a stag do and I had such a good time!

At first, when I got the invite yesterday morning, I didn't really want to go, but I was feeling strangely confident that morning so I thought, sod it, and I said I'd go.

But throughout the rest of the day I began to regret my decision, and I began thinking of all the things that could go wrong; "it'll be too boisterous", "the lads will all be too much for me", and "I'll be the party pooper, the one who's too scared to join in". To the point that I had actually decided to not go.

But then I talked to my brother, who was going with me, and he convinced me it wouldn't be so bad, and we'll only stay for a few drinks and that's all. So I thought, ok, and I went.

But when I got there, it was great! I felt relaxed, it was all pretty easy going. The other lads [it was my cousins stag do, so I don't know his friends well], were all pretty inexperienced in nights out too. So we were all in the same boat really.

We went to a casino, which was great fun, then went to Yates. I had a few drinks, more than a couple of the others who were even more restrained than me! And I got a little drunk :)....infact I'm still a little drunk right now!!! :D And it was great fun, I loosened right up, we had a little dance, spoke to a few nice girls, it was exciting!

I had to leave early cause I have to work early tomorrow, but I really wanted to stay out all night......perhaps I should've in retrospect. But that's amazing, considering I wasn't even gonna go at one point. I haven't been out on the town since I was like a teenager, and I haven't been drunk in years, but I can totally see why so many do it now every weekend. it's so much fun! I must admit I used to look down my nose a little at all the people that go out every weekend and get hammered, but I can totally see the attraction now. It was awesome!

so I'm feeling good right now, although also a little sad that the evening is over, and I won't get another chance to do something like that again for a while. I feel sad, cause I felt close to something tonight, real intimacy and connection with people, but I had to cut it short.

But anyway, sorry for the long post again, but i'd just like to share my experience. Perhaps it might inspires others who are worried about the worst that could happen, when they could be missing out on the BEST that could happen!!! :)
 
Froggy246

Froggy246

Well-known member
Brilliant, I love it when things turn out like that. You just never know what's gonna happen, I sometimes think the best game plan is to take the plunge with as many things as possible, and accept that some will be unpleasant/uncomfortable, but some will be really good. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water, as the saying goes.
Well done! :bigsmile:
 
xylo

xylo

Banned
Cheers Froggy! Yea I've been taking my inspiration from the "Yes Man" film lately....Things don't always pay off, but more often than not I find it does :)
 
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