Phone calls??
- Thread starter hollie666
- Start date
recluse
Well-known member
Hi. This is not uncommon for social phobics.........Believe it o'r not :lol:
Yep, i dread having to phone someone, even my own family! Having the internet has helped me a lot because i can do shopping without having to phone to order something which gets me tongue tied.
The best thing to do is remember that they can't see you'r face and you'r expression, because i am always worrying about my facial expression when talking to people. Also rehearse what you are going to say before making the call.
Yep, i dread having to phone someone, even my own family! Having the internet has helped me a lot because i can do shopping without having to phone to order something which gets me tongue tied.
The best thing to do is remember that they can't see you'r face and you'r expression, because i am always worrying about my facial expression when talking to people. Also rehearse what you are going to say before making the call.
Doomed2Die
Well-known member
I hate this so much >< I cant even answer a call :S. I feel my voice is wrong so much and usually focus too badly on myself and screw up everything (in my mind) thus leading to even worse fear... bleh. Sorry but no advise from me... I have none other than rehearsing, I usually rehearse and I can say it works good.
SilentStranger
Well-known member
I used to dread, and am still uncomfortable making calls, especially at work. In fact I still keep putting things off. However jottings things downs helps a bit. I mean it won't help much with the anxiety, but if you get tongue tied, the writing what you want to say or ask will help. Even the anxiety might reduce a bit if you are able to express yourself.
Also as Doomed2Die said, if you can rehearse that might also help.
-SS
Also as Doomed2Die said, if you can rehearse that might also help.
-SS
this happens to me also. the thing that helped me a little was that i had to call a lot of places and ask if they were hiring and when should i come in and blah blah blah. the first few calls i made were horrible. i would get nervous and start sweating and even shake a little. but after i made a lot of calls it started to get a little easier. but i still do get nervous when making a phone call, but not so nervous that i feel like im gonna die or something.
and with what everyone else is saying... writing things down that you want to say is a good idea. it might be silly but it really does work. and maybe rehearse it a little. thats what i do. and also, take some deep breathes, it should help calm you down at least a wee bit.
and with what everyone else is saying... writing things down that you want to say is a good idea. it might be silly but it really does work. and maybe rehearse it a little. thats what i do. and also, take some deep breathes, it should help calm you down at least a wee bit.
freakerz
New member
I hate to receive phone calls, making them isn't much of a problem.
I do not have a cell phone because I hate ring tones.
When I hear the phone ring, I'm frightened for some reason, even though I should not be since I don't expect calls from anyone. (no friends, etc.)
As for calling people, I do not call people to relate to them (like call a friend to hang out), I don't even do that on the Internet. I mostly will call people whom I need something from (informations, order, cancel an account, support).
I do not have a cell phone because I hate ring tones.
When I hear the phone ring, I'm frightened for some reason, even though I should not be since I don't expect calls from anyone. (no friends, etc.)
As for calling people, I do not call people to relate to them (like call a friend to hang out), I don't even do that on the Internet. I mostly will call people whom I need something from (informations, order, cancel an account, support).
Butterflies
Well-known member
When I first started in the workforce I was absolutely terrified of the phone. I had a massive argument with my superior over it because I wouldn't make the call.
Slowly, slowly it got better. It's still not my favourite thing but I can do it. It also depends alot on who I call. Here are a few things that helped me:
1. Before you make the "big" call - make a few short calls to people you are more comfortable with first - ring to ask the number of someone else or even ring a number and just say "sorry I've got the wrong number" and hang up. If you have someone who you are really friendly with you can call them to say hello.
2. Before you make the call - give yourself some positive feedback - DO NOT SAY i hate this - or I can't do this. Say something like ... What's the big deal about making a telephone call. They can't even see me. They wouldn't have a clue that I'm uncomfortable... and even if I do sound nervous - they probably won't even notice. Even if they do - who cares! What difference does it make? So what - so I get nervous - who cares!
3. I agree that it's a good idea to write down a few notes of what you want to say - just in case you get tongue tied.
4. Just do it. If you have to call at a specific time - keep yourself distracted. Every time you think about the call - try and do something that will distract your mind.
5. Go for job or do some exercise beforehand to get rid of the extra adrenline.
6. Force yourself to SMILE while you make the call. Even if you don't feel like it - do it.
7. After the call REWARD yourself - the fact that you picked up the phone and made the call means you succeeded.
Good luck - and let us know how you go.
Slowly, slowly it got better. It's still not my favourite thing but I can do it. It also depends alot on who I call. Here are a few things that helped me:
1. Before you make the "big" call - make a few short calls to people you are more comfortable with first - ring to ask the number of someone else or even ring a number and just say "sorry I've got the wrong number" and hang up. If you have someone who you are really friendly with you can call them to say hello.
2. Before you make the call - give yourself some positive feedback - DO NOT SAY i hate this - or I can't do this. Say something like ... What's the big deal about making a telephone call. They can't even see me. They wouldn't have a clue that I'm uncomfortable... and even if I do sound nervous - they probably won't even notice. Even if they do - who cares! What difference does it make? So what - so I get nervous - who cares!
3. I agree that it's a good idea to write down a few notes of what you want to say - just in case you get tongue tied.
4. Just do it. If you have to call at a specific time - keep yourself distracted. Every time you think about the call - try and do something that will distract your mind.
5. Go for job or do some exercise beforehand to get rid of the extra adrenline.
6. Force yourself to SMILE while you make the call. Even if you don't feel like it - do it.
7. After the call REWARD yourself - the fact that you picked up the phone and made the call means you succeeded.
Good luck - and let us know how you go.
amy21
New member
answering the phone
I have always disliked answering the phone.
I agree with the comments by Butterflies, especially about starting with "easier" phone calls first.
I also found this blog post helpful: http://www.blog.overcome-social-anxiety.com/phone-phobia-or-the-fear-of-telephones.htm
I've started to make more phone calls and it is getting easier.
I have always disliked answering the phone.
I agree with the comments by Butterflies, especially about starting with "easier" phone calls first.
I also found this blog post helpful: http://www.blog.overcome-social-anxiety.com/phone-phobia-or-the-fear-of-telephones.htm
I've started to make more phone calls and it is getting easier.
Joldo
Active member
freakerz said:
I feel exactly the same, especially if I'm the only one in the house. I make my way 'slowly' towards the phone, hoping it will stop before i get there.
When making a call I have to physically force myself to put in the number as fast as possible, and press the green button. Otherwise I'll sit there staring at the phone, putting it off as long as I can. Atleast when you make a phone call you've got a certain topic in mind to talk about, but for some reason I still dread making them.
AquariusOutkast
Active member
Sometimes when Im really nervous, I'll write down what Im going to say. Afterwards, I feel very proud of myself. Like I accomplished something big. hehe :lol:
LovelyMissMadi
Active member
My first "boyfriend" was actually someone that my cousin introduced me to over the phone. When we first started talking, just the two of us, and I was hesitant to say anything at all, he told me "I'm not gonna climb through the phone and hurt you if you say something I don't like." That was sort of comforting, but I still had a hard time talking to him.
When I'm on the phone, which is rare, I try to keep in mind that chances are whoever I'm talking to can't climb through the phone. It actually only helps when I'm convinced the person is someone who I'll never actually meet.
Edit: It's also easier for me to talk to someone when they call me so what I often do is call someone, let the phone ring once, and then hurry up and hang up. Usually they call back all, "Did you just call?" Then comes the hard part. "Yeah, I called. ..." or "I had the wrong number. Sorry."
When I'm on the phone, which is rare, I try to keep in mind that chances are whoever I'm talking to can't climb through the phone. It actually only helps when I'm convinced the person is someone who I'll never actually meet.
Edit: It's also easier for me to talk to someone when they call me so what I often do is call someone, let the phone ring once, and then hurry up and hang up. Usually they call back all, "Did you just call?" Then comes the hard part. "Yeah, I called. ..." or "I had the wrong number. Sorry."
Negaigoto
Member
Butterflies said:
I agree with this completely! I also can't stand having a phone at work and I never check my voicemail :roll: Answering calls isn't too bad, but making a call... well, I have to psych myself up for it days in advance or I'll put it off.
Jotting down some notes and rehearsing what to say before making the call really help me out a lot. Even if it's just to make a doctor's appointment, I have to go through all the preparation. And definitely reward yourself after the call, you deserve it
TAMPA-BAY
Well-known member
Wow I didnt realize how many others had phone phobia like me. This past summer I ve been calling the other members on my contack list who also have anxiety like me and its been going very well. The makeing and recieving the call was dificult but once we started chatting on the phone I was plesantly supprised at how much we both had to say to each other.
I still do have a huge problem talking on my cell/mobile phone when ever I know someone is around and have to constantly go to another room.
I still do have a huge problem talking on my cell/mobile phone when ever I know someone is around and have to constantly go to another room.
doogiebklyn
Member
Many time I have more anxiety with answering the phone than seeing people face to face. I don't know who is calling, or even when I do, I feel like I'm put on the spot. What do they want, why are they calling? It got worse years ago when I got a call that my sister was in a coma after an accident.
I screen and can have up to 20 messages for a week or two on my home phone. Same on my work phone, and I almost got fired after a customer claimed he cancelled his account as he could not reach me. Thank god for e-mail. I use it as much as possible. This way I am in control, I can prepare, and nobody has to see my reaction or hear my voice.
Once I answer the phone or listen to some messages, I get on a roll and the adrenaline start flowing. I have lost too many friendships, including my sister, for not answering the phone or calling back. And since people don't know that I have social anxiety, they just assume that I'm a jerk at that they are not important to me.
Douglas
I screen and can have up to 20 messages for a week or two on my home phone. Same on my work phone, and I almost got fired after a customer claimed he cancelled his account as he could not reach me. Thank god for e-mail. I use it as much as possible. This way I am in control, I can prepare, and nobody has to see my reaction or hear my voice.
Once I answer the phone or listen to some messages, I get on a roll and the adrenaline start flowing. I have lost too many friendships, including my sister, for not answering the phone or calling back. And since people don't know that I have social anxiety, they just assume that I'm a jerk at that they are not important to me.
Douglas
Infected_Malignity
Well-known member
Haha. Of course it's common. What, are your fears of somebody judging you going to disappear when you call them rather than meet them face to face? Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. The insecurities are universal. But want to know the catch of all this? The secret about insecurities? Everybody has them. Even the non-socially anxious and those that aren't shy at all. They care about people judging them just like you do. Insecurities are to blame for religious extremism, war, and even casual use of violence.
Without going too deep into it, I've come up with something that can knock your own insecurities back - realize that EVERYONE on this planet has got them, however if you keep the 'dwelling' at bay and just acknowledge these insecurities as a minor flaw that can be improved over time, you will feel amazing. If not cured, at least able to function - at least better about yourself. You won't know until you try, and if you don't try you'll never know
Without going too deep into it, I've come up with something that can knock your own insecurities back - realize that EVERYONE on this planet has got them, however if you keep the 'dwelling' at bay and just acknowledge these insecurities as a minor flaw that can be improved over time, you will feel amazing. If not cured, at least able to function - at least better about yourself. You won't know until you try, and if you don't try you'll never know
grrr...one of my tennis partners called my cell phone then my home phone which i never answer and she didnt leave a msg and i didnt know until after the fact that it was her otherwise i would have answered it. i know it was her cuz her number was on my cell. that was last night and i was hoping she would try again but she hasnt . now i have to call her if i want to play :?. ive only talked to her once in the last month which doesnt help my anxiety...
. now i have to call her if i want to play :?. ive only talked to her once in the last month which doesnt help my anxiety...
very_shy
Well-known member
doogiebklyn said:
For me it's the same.
I got my first cellphone when I was 18 and well it made my life easier when contacting the exact person I want and not to face his/her parents to answer... However when I have to answer the phone I almost always know who calls since it is all about school and similar to-be-done- things. Everytime the phone rings, it makes me very nervous and I tried switching the ringtones but I can't help..
TBone87
New member
Oh my God I hate the phone. I simply cannot call people in companies etc for ANYTHING. I panic so much about my opening sentence. "Hi my name is such and such... I'm calling because..." it's like it feels so forced and unnatural and I never know what to say. I'm so rubbish even to my best friends sometimes when they phone me I won't answer because I don't have the energy to force myself to have a conversation and seem all happy. I'm usually fine when phoning them although that's nearly always to find out about something. I'm a horrible friend - if only they knew! Anyone else get this stuff?
even to my best friends sometimes when they phone me I won't answer because I don't have the energy to force myself to have a conversation and seem all happy. I'm usually fine when phoning them although that's nearly always to find out about something. I'm a horrible friend - if only they knew! Anyone else get this stuff?at my job i had to answer the phone sometimes and i hated it. when answering the phone we had to say the name of the store, the department we worked in and our name. and sometimes i would forget what department i was in and i would freak out. then i would stutter my words a little while saying all that stuff. sometimes i would just say what department i was working in and thats it cause i was too nervous to say the rest. but as i did it more and more i guess it got a littleeee bit easier. But I was still nervous and my heart would speed up a little everytime the damn phone rang, lol! and i still dont like answering my house phone either, i usually wait for the answering machine to get it.