people yelling scare me

[cowboyup]

Something just happened that I've feared but never thought I'd see.

My brother just shoved my nephew into a 'time out chair' for asking him a question. My brother has been yelling at SIL & nephew for stupid things all day long.

Niece is almost 6 months old and has been crying a lot today too...she can pick up on the tension.

I am shaking just like I did when our own dad yelled at us or when I experienced him hitting our mom.

My brother has a terrible temper-that I know-but one time when he was really angry, he threw my SIL's phone (because she accidentally ran it through the wash) and I intervened because my nephew was crying, etc. so I offered to take him out of the yelling and upstairs with me. That made things worse.

I know his occupation doesn't help his anger & I feel this overwhelming sense of trying to protect my nephew and niece from future outbursts just the EXACT SAME WAY I felt with my brother and sister when they were little.

Man this sucks. I get so anxious, shaky and jump at the slightest noise when this happens. I am hypersensitive to yelling, if that makes sense. And on the verge of a panic attack....seriously ... ok breathe.....


This time, I will just keep to myself for now.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I know how you feel. I grew up in a very turbulent household. (now I'm back) I never knew when my dad would have a psychotic outburst.

I'm use to the yelling but I hate it none the less. It makes me feel like I have PTSD. It's not a mentally healthy environment that is for sure.

 

[TableFor1]

I am so sorry that happened. Yes, that it freaks me out too. If I ever hear it, I become very tense and uneasy. That used to happen during my early teens as well. I wish I had good advice for you. Maybe someone here will. Maybe go for a walk to calm your nerves. I hope the rest of your day goes better.

 

[cowboyup]

Thanks @ notmyillness and tablefor1for your kind words

I'm sorry you guys experienced similar. It is such a crappy thing to witness. Surely not good for the nerves. Or ears. lol

He needs anger management. But ironically I'd never tell him that! funny how that works out, huh?

Yeah, maybe it's time for some fresh air...

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I hate to say this. But, think that's where my avoidant behaviors come from. Just lie low and wait for the storm to pass over. That's the only way I survived growing up.

 

[cowboyup]

I hate to say this. But, think that's where my avoidant behaviors come from. Just lie low and wait for the storm to pass over. That's the only way I survived growing up.

I think that's with me as well.
At first I remember trying to stop it, intervene, but quickly found out that only made things worse. They fighting, yelling ....

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Also, I never knew when these psychotic behaviors would be directed at me. So, I was always on high alert. Sifting information to see if anything was coming my way. I think that fed into my anxious/nervous disposition. So, now I'm a nervous person waiting for things to happen to me before I respond. I don't do anything proactively.

I noticed my other siblings are different. I think I was also born with this disposition. The environment just brought it out.

 

[cowboyup]

Also, I never knew when these psychotic behaviors would be directed at me. So, I was always on high alert. Sifting information to see if anything was coming my way. I think that fed into my anxious/nervous disposition. So, now I'm a nervous person waiting for things to happen to me before I respond. I don't do anything proactively.

I noticed my other siblings are different. I think I was also born with this disposition. The environment just brought it out.

that's actually a really good observation. Are we related? lol, sounds like we grew up in the same house. Walking on eggshells all the time. We knew about "high alert" before the government implemented it - we're so ahead of our times...

I'm sorry you had to go through what sounds so similar to my situation .. I feel for ya, man

 

[SilentAndShy]

When people yell it's sometimes to do with confrontation and for me and other SA sufferers, that's the last thing we want to do: confront. So I've experienced that since a young age and I just wanted to run and hide and not hear anything. Rather than try to mediate and calm things down.

I guess the only way to overcome is to experience, practice dealing with these situations but that's not easy to do. Best thing is to take deep breaths to help calm you down? Sorry, not much of help.

 

[laure15]

I used to live in neighborhoods where people enjoy yelling at each other and at me. Yelling doesn't solve anything. If you raise your voice, other people will too and soon people will be fighting.

 

[TableFor1]

This thread is getting more interesting as I read your posts. I know this has a lot to do with why I’ve become more withdrawn over time. Avoidance seems to be much easier than dealing and/or resolving relationship issues. I never learned how to properly fight. I do not like fighting or yelling and want nothing to do with it. If a bf ever tried to start a fight, I would pretty much end it without much thought or regret – over and done. I know there is supposed to be some “healthy fighting” (oxymoron), but I wouldn’t know how to go about it. Whenever it's time to stand up and draw that boundary line, it usually causes chaos, since it comes up during the heat of the moment. This is a toughie.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

This thread is raising the avoidant issue. I realize it's not a good way to go through life. I'm constantly blindsided by problems. When I do take initiative, it's never long enough.
The whole process is exhausting. When I think about my problems, I just want to lay down..... That's pretty much what I've been doing All day.

 

[cowboyup]

This topic is becoming quite interesting. Y'all are so smart You raise good questions, thoughts and comments.

After my brother explodes he either: 1. goes for a drive, or 2. goes to sleep. Right now he is sleeping. It's like he has intermittent explosive disorder or something like that because this is becoming quite commonplace.

My SIL and the kids went to the store and she stopped in my room and told me that if he wakes up while she is gone to quickly inform him where she's at...

Funny thing is and this is hypocritical in itself: my SIL can stand her ground, I have to give her that, she's a good 'debater' and when it comes to discipline or counseling the kids at her school, she's right on top of it, but when it comes to my brother, I've noticed she cowers down...

She won't say anything to his face, she won't defend herself, she just sits there quietly. Interesting family dynamics, huh?

A lot of this makes sense where my brother gets his temper, where I get my SA/depression issues, and my sister has SA/depression as well. Now for my SIL, she grew up in a 'different kind' of dysfunctional family...so I can even begin to see her reaction to my brother as the 'oh I get it now' kind of reaction.

**Side note: sorry in advance - I feel rude talking about my brother and SIL like this...but I honestly have nobody else to talk to and I know you guys can relate

 

[cowboyup]

The more I think about it - the more I can see where my avoidance tendencies come from as well.

Even SIL's being avoidant by 'going to the store'

I never really realized just how much avoidance we all face, have faced, are facing...each in our daily lives (or past) and how much of an influence that plays in our lives, especially so if you are prone to anxiety, depression, panic, shyness.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

The more I think about it - the more I can see where my avoidance tendencies come from as well.

Even SIL's being avoidant by 'going to the store'

I never really realized just how much avoidance we all face, have faced, are facing...each in our daily lives (or past) and how much of an influence that plays in our lives, especially so if you are prone to anxiety, depression, panic, shyness.

Exactly! The core of much of our anxiety and problems.

 

[gustavofring]

Pardon me for asking, but why do you even still live with your brother then if you feel like being dominated by fear of his outbursts at his children? Isn't there a way to remove yourself from this situation?

I think the best way to deal with angry people is to not react to it, recognize that it's their ego/emotions/anger, that entity in them getting the better of them and see beyond it. It's not THEM. Accept them and their emotional state at that moment fully without feeling the need to react to it or to resist it or fear it. It's just a storm in a glass and it will pass.

 

[cowboyup]

Pardon me for asking, but why do you even still live with your brother then if you feel like being dominated by fear of his outbursts at his children? Isn't there a way to remove yourself from this situation?

I think the best way to deal with angry people is to not react to it, recognize that it's their ego/emotions/anger, that entity in them getting the better of them and see beyond it. It's not THEM. Accept them and their emotional state at that moment fully without feeling the need to react to it or to resist it or fear it. It's just a storm in a glass and it will pass.

it's ok, reasonable question. I live with them because I lost my job and haven't been able to find full time work to afford to live on my own. At the time I lost my job they needed help w/kids, I needed place to live - therefore it was good for all of us, but as with most things - they have their expiration date, lol.

Good way to look at dealing with angry people, by the way!

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

it's ok, reasonable question. I live with them because I lost my job and haven't been able to find full time work to afford to live on my own. At the time I lost my job they needed help w/kids, I needed place to live - therefore it was good for all of us, but as with most things - they have their expiration date, lol.

Good way to look at dealing with angry people, by the way!

I'm in a similar situation. But the months have turned into years.

 

[cowboyup]

I'm in a similar situation. But the months have turned into years.

Years for me too! :/

 

[Opaline]

Me too, cowboyup, meeee tooooo.

My whole life has been filled with shouting and conflict in my family. I have a low tolerance for loud noises. I startle easily - as a kid I couldn't even stand those little white popper things you throw on the ground that make a snapping sound. In a room filled with people who are talking normally, if the overall loudness reaches a certain level it makes me really irritable. So when people are shouting and freaking out it really puts my nerves on edge. I sometimes get stomach problems from the stress of it.

Sorry you're stuck with that nonsense, I know how it can do a number on you if you're sensitive to it. How long are you stuck there? (sorry if you already answered this question, haven't read the other responses).