Parents

[Andrew]

I have got to say, I have terrible parents. What annoys me the most is when people say "you should love your parents". What? Why? I can't love people that I have no respect for at all. That makes no sense.

From since I was born, their only form of parenting was to give me food and money. That is it, they didn't try and develop a friendship with me at all. I didn't have anybody to come home too and talk about the problems at school. Not only did they not provide support, they in fact provided the opposite, constantly trying to make me feel guilty about my problems!

My Dad isn't really worth talking about. He would yell at me for things that had nothing to do with me. He has a short temper and constantly gets angry at everything. He is one of the most selfish people I know and has no friends because nobody can stand him.

My parents fought constantly throughout my entire life. The times that they were not fighting were the 'gaps' in their life to build up to the next fight. I would come home from a camp eager to tell them about everything that went on only to discover that they were too busy fighting with each other to even give a thought to me. Holidays would be me sitting in another room crying as my parents fought so vigorously that I thought they might start hitting each other.

I was too scared to go to the high school formal after-party. My mum acted like it was the end of the world and that I was a terrible person. That is the kind of 'support' I got. When I told her about SA she just told me to go join a social club of some sort and everything would magically get better. She dismissed it as nothing. There are so many things she would do every day to make me feel guilty.

Recently my mum bought a new dog. She doesn't take it for walks or training or anything. When she feels like using it for her enjoyment, she will go and pat it and want it to do something cute for her. Just one day she must have felt like getting the love and so on that a puppy brings so she bought one. I feel that is pretty much how she raised me.

I am unfortunately having to live with them again at the moment and I cannot stand it. I want to get out of here more than anything else in my life.

What is your relationship with your parents and how do they deal with your SA or other anxiety disorders?

 

[Klaus]

My God! I could have written that text!
I was raised at the same way. And the same things happen to me (except the dog thing).

I live very far away from them now!!! But they understood me better whem I left them behind and now they are sweet with me.

 

[Richey]

I have got to say, I have terrible parents. What annoys me the most is when people say "you should love your parents". What? Why? I can't love people that I have no respect for at all. That makes no sense.

From since I was born, their only form of parenting was to give me food and money. That is it, they didn't try and develop a friendship with me at all. I didn't have anybody to come home too and talk about the problems at school. Not only did they not provide support, they in fact provided the opposite, constantly trying to make me feel guilty about my problems!

My Dad isn't really worth talking about. He would yell at me for things that had nothing to do with me. He has a short temper and constantly gets angry at everything. He is one of the most selfish people I know and has no friends because nobody can stand him.

My parents fought constantly throughout my entire life. The times that they were not fighting were the 'gaps' in their life to build up to the next fight. I would come home from a camp eager to tell them about everything that went on only to discover that they were too busy fighting with each other to even give a thought to me. Holidays would be me sitting in another room crying as my parents fought so vigorously that I thought they might start hitting each other.

I was too scared to go to the high school formal after-party. My mum acted like it was the end of the world and that I was a terrible person. That is the kind of 'support' I got. When I told her about SA she just told me to go join a social club of some sort and everything would magically get better. She dismissed it as nothing. There are so many things she would do every day to make me feel guilty.

Recently my mum bought a new dog. She doesn't take it for walks or training or anything. When she feels like using it for her enjoyment, she will go and pat it and want it to do something cute for her. Just one day she must have felt like getting the love and so on that a puppy brings so she bought one. I feel that is pretty much how she raised me.

I am unfortunately having to live with them again at the moment and I cannot stand it. I want to get out of here more than anything else in my life.

What is your relationship with your parents and how do they deal with your SA or other anxiety disorders?

i could have written that, add to that my dad behaving quite condescending, and that is sugar coating it, they were just emotionally cold and never tried to develop a relationship, it was like they played the part of authoritarian headmaster instead, i think that affected me negatively in my life and why i find it tricky connecting with people etc

 

[iamthenra]

My childhood sounds similar to yours too... My mother hated males of any kind... Her father abused her and her siblings, and he left when my mom was 6... So she grew up hating all males of any kind. She got engaged at the tender age of 16 to my father who was at the time was 21... My mom was married at 18.. And thus began a life that should not have been... My parents argued and fought contstantly. They hated one another. My mom would beat me any time I would do something wrong, she would beat me. My sister on the other hand could get by with murder with out even being talked to. Double standard was the norm in my family. My mom beat me once so bad, that my dad told me to never say anything to anyone ever, because she would go to jail... His words, not mine. My father was a school teacher, and knew better than to just dismiss this problem. The beatings didn't stop until I was old enough to physically defend myself. I believe I was 13, when I was able to block her punches... My parents never showed either my sister or I any "love". The way they showed it to us, was by buying us gifts and giving us money. You could never talk to either of them about any problems that I might have had. I had to keep everything bottled up inside, because if I said anything to either my dad or mom, it would just make matters worse. I got beat up at school so many times, my dad would find out and he would sit in his car at the bus stops and of course the bullies all knew he was sitting there. It just made things much worse for me. Then I was known at school as the daddy's boy... All because I was a loner, a social outcast, misfit... Even today, when I go get groceries for my mother, she always finds something wrong with what I bought her... I bought too many of this or that, and it wasn't the right brand and I forgot to use the coupon and I didn't get it on sale or I don't like those varieties.... etc... I never could do anything right by her. She has always found fault with whatever I did. Meanwhile her princess darling little daughter, was found guilty of theft, hit and run and served time in jail... She was the black sheep of the family, and yet she was the one who was spoiled rotten, and to this day she thinks that the world owes her something. My mom, thinks the world of her, even though she is a horrible person. I have lived a very clean life for the most part, I have always done the right thing, treated people the way I want to be treated, and I had to work hard for everything I got... But everything seems to come up roses for my darling sister, where I have to struggle to get anywhere. My sister gets it handed to her without strings... Uhg! Life really isn't fair, is it?

 

[HidingOnThe4thFloor]

Yup, sounds like toxic parents to me. At the same time, who said your parents should be your friends? That is not the proper role for a parent. A parent should be a teacher, and you know what they say about kids who try to be the teacher's friend.

Hang in there. There are billions other people in the world besides your parents. Many of them are a darn sight nicer and more together. Hopefully you will meet them, if you push past the walls your parents have erected for you.

 

[danstelter]

I too am the victim of poor parenting, and my parents were caught up in their own problems such that they were not emotionally available to help me out with my difficulties. I asked my dad once if I could go on medication for anxiety and he said, "That's all doctors do is melt your brain with drugs." As soon as I got out on my own, however, things went much better. I saw a doctor for anxiety once, with my parents knowledge, and mom would ask questions like, "What's making you so anxious?" I would rarely respond or only tell her small parts of the truth.

For me, and it sounds like this might be true for you too, it was a great idea to move out, go to school, and live my own life. I can fall back on my parents for financial help, and very rarely and only in certain extreme circumstances. It is generally a waste of time to talk to them about anything, so I don't do it, and instead I've developed friends that I can talk to.

I guess what I've learned is that they did do their best to raise me and they do love me, although that is not shown in a way that I like. So, I do talk to them and have a relationship with them, but it is distant and guarded, and that's the way it will always be. Unfortunately, it's just the way the world works. And many people have had far worse parents than me!

 

[this_portrait]

I really don't think I had poor parenting. Sure, my dad is an alcoholic (and has been since he was 26, long before I was born), and yes, this caused him to fight with my mom a lot, but overall, I'd say that I've had okay parenting. I've grown to not like my dad too much, though, because of the way he acts when he's been drinking.

 

[Kathryn]

I have got to say, I have terrible parents. What annoys me the most is when people say "you should love your parents". What? Why? I can't love people that I have no respect for at all. That makes no sense.

From since I was born, their only form of parenting was to give me food and money. That is it, they didn't try and develop a friendship with me at all. I didn't have anybody to come home too and talk about the problems at school. Not only did they not provide support, they in fact provided the opposite, constantly trying to make me feel guilty about my problems!

My Dad isn't really worth talking about. He would yell at me for things that had nothing to do with me. He has a short temper and constantly gets angry at everything. He is one of the most selfish people I know and has no friends because nobody can stand him.

My parents fought constantly throughout my entire life. The times that they were not fighting were the 'gaps' in their life to build up to the next fight. I would come home from a camp eager to tell them about everything that went on only to discover that they were too busy fighting with each other to even give a thought to me. Holidays would be me sitting in another room crying as my parents fought so vigorously that I thought they might start hitting each other.

I was too scared to go to the high school formal after-party. My mum acted like it was the end of the world and that I was a terrible person. That is the kind of 'support' I got. When I told her about SA she just told me to go join a social club of some sort and everything would magically get better. She dismissed it as nothing. There are so many things she would do every day to make me feel guilty.

Recently my mum bought a new dog. She doesn't take it for walks or training or anything. When she feels like using it for her enjoyment, she will go and pat it and want it to do something cute for her. Just one day she must have felt like getting the love and so on that a puppy brings so she bought one. I feel that is pretty much how she raised me.

I am unfortunately having to live with them again at the moment and I cannot stand it. I want to get out of here more than anything else in my life.

What is your relationship with your parents and how do they deal with your SA or other anxiety disorders?

I'll probably be damned for saying this, but I can definately relate to what you say...
my parents and I barely say anything to each other and are extremely passive in their parenting (my sisters have seemed to use this to their advantage)
In fact, the only conversations we have are ALWAYS started by me
my parents sometimes use me as an object, to others they seem proud when they describe my successes, but to me I feel like I am viewed as an object
Sometimes I feel like I have been left to raise myself and I owe none of my successes or failures to them at all

 

[Kathryn]

I really don't think I had poor parenting. Sure, my dad is an alcoholic (and has been since he was 26, long before I was born), and yes, this caused him to fight with my mom a lot, but overall, I'd say that I've had okay parenting. I've grown to not like my dad too much, though, because of the way he acts when he's been drinking.

My dad is an alcoholic, but not a violent one...my mom drinks a lot but can quit when she's trying to remain healthy

 

[Acme]

...It is generally a waste of time to talk to them about anything, so I don't do it...

Same here. Seems my parents are clueless in general. I stopped trying to ask them for help with problems when I was about 15, realizing that they only made the situation worse. I think they actually might know one or two things, but it's just that they live so deep in that river in Africa (you know - denial) that they hardly ever admit things to themselves or allow themselves to recognize things. They'd rather believe (root word being "lie") than look at reality.

I basically had to teach myself most things I know, which involved a lot of trial and error (got a lot of help from the Internet along the way - don't know where I'd be without it). But on the plus side, I learned the truth/reality to a lot of things by just being honest and looking at things the way they are, and figuring stuff out based on common sense and logic.

 

[LycraPantiies92]

Heh. i coulda written that aswell. gah.x

 

[ajo86]

Reading this has upset me as I can really relate to all of this, I was also treated really badly as I was growing up, I wasn't loved at all by my parents and they never once told me that they loved me, ok so they bought me nice clothes etc but that wasnt what I wanted, I wanted parents who were always gonna be there for me, parents to be proud of, parents who I could actualy talk to and tell them all my broblems but instead my parents hated me and constantly called me a b****** and how they wish I was never born. They used to always beat me up and everything was always my fault never anyone elses. my half sister was really bad, she used to alwasy get into trouble with the police etc but not once did my parents ever raise their fist at her, instead she got pampered and treated like a princess, it was like they were rewarding her bad behaviour, It didn't make sense.

My parents were constantly arguing and fighting with each other, throwing objects at each other, once my dad had hold of a knife and threatened to stab my mum, part of me wishes that he would of so then he would of got locked away where he belongs and I would of been put into care, anything would of been better than living with them. Eventually my dad separated from my mum when I was 9 years old, my mum used to drag me up to see him every weekend even though I didn't want to, it was horrible, then when I was 13 they moved back in with each other again, don't know why cos they carried on arguing and fighting all over again, I hated it. I finally had enough and when I was 20 I finally had the courage to move out. I never want to see them ever again.

 

[Noca]

My father is a sociopath who i hate and fight with almost daily, mother on the other hand is nice.

 

[Redzer]

my parents were alcoholics and the used to fight and i mean punch and hit each other, but they died on me and not a day goes by when i wish i could of told them i loved them before the died, my ma died 3 days before i was 10 and and father awhile later but i tell ya what u might hate them but **** me you will miss them if they go maybe not right not now but one day. i had to grow up in care with out them and got no love off anyone as a child which every kid needs to be told that they are loved. just be lucky u got them even if you dont care about them try and make peace some time

 

[Lorraine Manca]

I dont think I've ever met anyone who said they had good parenting. Did all the people that grew up with bad parenting kill them? I'm serious! i never hear about good parents. I know getting knocked around isn't fun, but it seems too normal to cause abnormality.

 

[iamthenra]

I dont think I've ever met anyone who said they had good parenting. Did all the people that grew up with bad parenting kill them? I'm serious! i never hear about good parents. I know getting knocked around isn't fun, but it seems too normal to cause abnormality.

I don't know about that... All the psychologists and psychiatrists I have seen over the past decade or so, have all said the same thing... That my mother is to blame for allot of my issues now.

 

[timidhorse]

I only have my mom to thank for my SA, she had it as well....she still tells me it's all my fault though.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

I know what you mean iamthenra. i answered before reading your post. the psychologist told me that child abuse caused my disorder too. as a kid, my mother's tirades were so unpredictable, I thought her moods had to do with whether her hair was tied back or not. i was just thinking how thin the line is between normal and abnormal. it seems like abuse and disorder are becoming the norm. i really chose my words poorly the first time. there is no excuse for it and im sorry so many people suffer through it.