Parents who own you...

[Dronee]

I've noticed that there are some parents who act like they own their children. The child's every move and every thought needs to be dictated by their parents. I'm not talking about basic beliefs here, but every little detail.

For example, you can't stay up at a sleep over... must be in bed by a certain time, must like what your parents like.. dislike what they dislike... they will choose what you study and when you study... etc...

Does anyone see this happening around them too?

 

[Silvox Black]

All too often I'm afraid. I disdain the overprotective parents who believe sheltering their children is the best possible way to raise them. I see it as a selfish practice more beneficial to the parent's beliefs and egos rather than allowing the child to experience the world through his/her own eyes. Sheltering harms children rather than helping them by leaving them innocent, naive, and easy to manipulate by more worldly people.

 

[Ignace]

My parents are not really acting like this. My dad wants me to have a social life, in which I fail. He tries to say nothing about it, but the temptation to do so is too big for him. Other then that, I'm almost 18, I'm responsible for my own actions, and he's right. So he doesn't have a problem with that. My mom on the other hand wants to know everything abot me, can't stand when I go late to bed, interfere's as much with my life as possible, ... You know the drill.

 

[vj288]

I had quite the opposite happen, and I can't say it's any better. They did not instill any sort of characteristics into me or control what I am or who I would become at all. They cared, don't get me wrong, but never said "Do this" or "Act like this" to any extreme extent. I learned please and thank you, don't hurt people, you know second grade stuff, but after that nothing. My dad made me get a job, but other than that nothing in my teen years at all to make mold me. I never got any "man" talks, or given any advice about how to live my life. Punishment is something I have absolutely no experience with.

I wish they did more! I mean I like being able to become my own person and all, not being a clone or perfect child in my parents eyes, but a little direction may have been nice! I'm being a hypocrite because if I were a parent I think the best parenting approach would be to let the child make his or her own decisions mold there own ideas and become there own person, but I think it should be watched. Or try to teach certain skills or give bits of unbiased information that will help them along. I partially blame my SA on being given too much freedom to identify myself, pushing to territory I didn't belong and failing because of. That might just be me being bitter though, I really don't know if I would have done things differently if I were them.

 

[hoddesdon]

Yes, I was in that situation with one of them, but I was able to break free. Even though that brings its own difficulties, it is essential.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

You can't really blame those parents for being the way they are. My mom is crazy over protective and it was really rough growing up. I blamed her for a lot of things and how I am scared of doing almost anything these days. But then I really opened up my eyes and realized how anxious she is, ALWAYS.

She was just scared of everything and scared to death of losing me. Her anxieties of me dying or leaving got in the way of being able to let me live.

You could tell the parent to just let them go and stop being like that, and have it being just about as effective as telling a person with social anxiety to "just get over it". It's a daily struggle for them too.