williamreinsch
Well-known member
I am 20 years old and have suffered with social anxiety since I can remember.
A few years ago I became very depressed and sought out therapy which went on for 2 years to try and cure my social anxiety which was bringing on the depression. Since then I had very slight improvements outside and started up oil painting (which is really helping me gain more confidence).
The thing is I still don't see any major improvements. I still freeze up and don't know what to say which 8/10 times results in a panic attack.
Last week I decided I've really had enough of feeling like this, I want to go uni next year, I want to make more friends, I want to meet more girls, I want to deal with my panic attacks, I want to have fun, I want to actually live the life I want to.
So I've been waking up early, getting out the door, seeing my old friends as much as possible, painting even when I don't feel like it, watching and reading as much about social anxiety as possible, meditating every day using EFT every morning, every night and before every event in that day, digging into my past and addressing old traumatic experiences linked to my anxiety, saying yes more to events and all that sort of s**t. Basically i've been putting 100% into this and to tell you the truth.. it's been so hard... I have been having so many panic attacks everyday I feel exhausted and the first few days of this I felt suicidal which has only just popped up again after 2 years. It's a crazy roller coaster of emotions.. and its only been 1 week. But i know you gotta fall to get back up again.
Anyway a few nights ago on my birthday I went out with a few friends to a bar where i made a few new friends and later met a girl who gave me her number (yeah that actually happened, even when I'm drunk i would normally never have the balls to even talk to a girl like i did). But towards the end of the night, me and her went off to a club after hours and then when I thought the going was good I had panic attack after panic attack going in there and ended up leaving her dancing on her own because I didn't want her to see me like that (and when I'm nervous i dance like a freak). I ended up being more comfortable drinking myself silly at the bar and dancing through the crowd ignoring everyone (and her) like an a**hole because I was so angry at myself and upset (and really drunk obviously). :kickingmyself:
I apologized to the girl today and she was really nice about it all but I know how upset I would be if someone did that to me with no explanation. I still feel tremendous guilt because of it and I know a lot of moments like this are going to creep up while i try overcoming it. h:
You see doing all this work at first is so hard and forcing myself to go out and get in these situations seems to sometimes fail spectacularly and leave me with guilt and even more reason to just keep hiding away. I hope this is just because its the beginning of it all.. I'm having doubts tonight yet again but by morning I know I will have to do this once again.. and I hope I will because life seems too painful for me to just keep hiding away as I'm sure you all feel too.
I would like to know if you guys relate to my story? and what's helping you guy's the most in overcoming your anxiety?
Thank's for reading,
Will
A few years ago I became very depressed and sought out therapy which went on for 2 years to try and cure my social anxiety which was bringing on the depression. Since then I had very slight improvements outside and started up oil painting (which is really helping me gain more confidence).
The thing is I still don't see any major improvements. I still freeze up and don't know what to say which 8/10 times results in a panic attack.
Last week I decided I've really had enough of feeling like this, I want to go uni next year, I want to make more friends, I want to meet more girls, I want to deal with my panic attacks, I want to have fun, I want to actually live the life I want to.
So I've been waking up early, getting out the door, seeing my old friends as much as possible, painting even when I don't feel like it, watching and reading as much about social anxiety as possible, meditating every day using EFT every morning, every night and before every event in that day, digging into my past and addressing old traumatic experiences linked to my anxiety, saying yes more to events and all that sort of s**t. Basically i've been putting 100% into this and to tell you the truth.. it's been so hard... I have been having so many panic attacks everyday I feel exhausted and the first few days of this I felt suicidal which has only just popped up again after 2 years. It's a crazy roller coaster of emotions.. and its only been 1 week. But i know you gotta fall to get back up again.
Anyway a few nights ago on my birthday I went out with a few friends to a bar where i made a few new friends and later met a girl who gave me her number (yeah that actually happened, even when I'm drunk i would normally never have the balls to even talk to a girl like i did). But towards the end of the night, me and her went off to a club after hours and then when I thought the going was good I had panic attack after panic attack going in there and ended up leaving her dancing on her own because I didn't want her to see me like that (and when I'm nervous i dance like a freak). I ended up being more comfortable drinking myself silly at the bar and dancing through the crowd ignoring everyone (and her) like an a**hole because I was so angry at myself and upset (and really drunk obviously). :kickingmyself:
I apologized to the girl today and she was really nice about it all but I know how upset I would be if someone did that to me with no explanation. I still feel tremendous guilt because of it and I know a lot of moments like this are going to creep up while i try overcoming it. h:
You see doing all this work at first is so hard and forcing myself to go out and get in these situations seems to sometimes fail spectacularly and leave me with guilt and even more reason to just keep hiding away. I hope this is just because its the beginning of it all.. I'm having doubts tonight yet again but by morning I know I will have to do this once again.. and I hope I will because life seems too painful for me to just keep hiding away as I'm sure you all feel too.
I would like to know if you guys relate to my story? and what's helping you guy's the most in overcoming your anxiety?
Thank's for reading,
Will