Out of My Comfort Zone

[mandy27]

I moved from Ohio to Tennessee 2 months ago because my husband had an awesome oppurtunity with his job. Everything here is so different. My social phobia has gotten much worse since we moved. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Everyone here has an accent so as soon as I open my mouth they know I'm not from around here. Sometimes their accent is so strong I can't understand them. Some people here don't like northerners. They call us damn yankees. You're a yankee if you go home, damn yankee if you stay... I wasn't expecting this at all. In Ohio I have never heard anyone say anything bad about "southerners". This is not helping my sp at all. Everyone here likes to chit chat. I'm horrible at small talk. Many times when I'm checking out at the store and the cashier talks to me, my face will turn red. That happened occasionaly in Ohio too but it happens almost everytime here.
When we had to pick out where to live in Tennessee my first concern was to find my kids a good school and a safe neighborhood. I found what I thought was the perfect place. What I didn't know was how rich all the people are at this school and extremely social. My husband and I have more money now but that doesn't magically make me fit in with these people. I don't fit in at all. I keep getting calls from moms wanting my kids to come over to their house or for birthday parties. I have a major phone phobia. I let it go to voicemail and then agonize about calling them back. There are no buses at this school so I have to take my kids to school everyday and pick them up. Everyday there is a bunch of moms walking around being super social. They all look like perfect super models with awesome social skills. I will never fit in with them. I'm ready to pack my bags and move to a poorer neighborhood that maybe isn't as social. Maybe I can find someplace I would feel more comfortable. But on the other hand my kids love their school and I don't want to make them change schools again. How do I survive this?

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

I had much the same thing happen to me.

Although i've always been socially anxious, it really hit me hard when my (now-ex) wife and i moved to another state to be closer to her family.

I left my job, friends, home, and all the security i had taken many years to build up and was plunged into an entirely foreign environment, and I was in a job that required me to network and politic extensively - i just wasn't up to it.

Like you, i had a hard time fitting in. I was used to the city (chicago), and stuck out in the little rural town we moved to. Small town folks are not necessarily all that friendly toward strangers.

My only real support was my wife, but oddly, she seemed to withdraw from me and change into another person as soon as we moved out there - leaving me on my own to try to figure how to cope with it all while my social anxiety and avoidance just got worse.

Perhaps she was trying to test me. Apparently, i failed.

 

[Nanita]

Hi Mandy27

I know how that feels - I have experienced something very similar, having lived in different countries, and I have a boyfriend whos is from another country than me. Everytime I am in his country, I feel very bothered by the social norms there, because people seem to do a lot of smalltalking and socializing on a not so deep level - not at all my cup of tea. People want to "get together" all the time, but everytime I get together with people that I barely know, I feel nervous, bored, and that I don´t fit in. I explained my boyfriend all about this and how much it worries me, and he´s very cool about it, he wants me to only do what I want to do and not try to FIT IN!
He said to me, stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out.
Well it can be too hard standing out all the time!

 

[mandy27]

Thanks you guys. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I'm thinking I'm going to try and take it one social interaction at a time. Try not to get overwhelmed by all of it.. that's easier said than done. Try to avoid having a panic attack. I've been procrastinating calling this lady back that I've never met. Now I've got to call her and make up an excuse why it took so long for me to call her back.. lol.. I drive myself nuts

 

[Moa]

I'm dealing with the same thing too, having moved from NY to a rural part of Virginia to be with my boyfriend. Everyone here is so different, and I don't feel like I fit in at all. My SA has gotten so much worse since I moved. I hate the small talk too! I know that it's just "southern friendliness" but it's completely off-putting, even rude to me. It's like their questions know no boundaries. And it seems like conservative religiousness is seeped into everything here, which really makes me feel awkward because that's not how I was raised.

I guess all we can do is take it one day at a time. You never know when things might change.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

To mandy27, Im from the south and the only reasong I can think of about why southerners dont like yankees is that people in the south, think that people from the north, as well as people from big cities, are stuck up and snooty, im not trying to come across like a jerk or anything, that just seems to be the way people think

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I'm dealing with the same thing too, having moved from NY to a rural part of Virginia to be with my boyfriend.

I will be moving soon to be with my boyfriend. While it is still the same state, he lives in a small town and I am used to the big cities of LA. I have never moved, but I am actually looking forward to being somewhere new, where no one knows me. It sounds freeing. Of course, the whole point is to make friends and get my life in order, and be out of my comfort zone...it will be painful!

Reading this thread has been interesting. I do wonder about all that I will miss and how things will be different.

I guess all we can do is take it one day at a time. You never know when things might change.

That, and Xanax. I plan on getting a prescription ASAP.

 

[Moa]

Lol, good old Vitamin X!

Maybe moving from LA to a smaller city won't be that big of a cultural change since its kinda in the same region? But you are right about it being freeing. I once moved from NY to Ohio, it wasn't a big cultural change so it felt like a fresh start.

 

[gingin77]

the thought of moving to a new state/town scares and excites me all at the same time. my husband often talks about moving out of our state for work and of course I would go with him but I'm not good with "new". I find that I get stuck in my own little bubble, not able to socialize like a "normal" person would and I'm envious of those who find it easy - like my husband. for me, it's close to torture.