opposites attract - being in a relationship with another sp?

[blackhole]

I was just thinking about this. For me, the idea of being in a relationship with another social phobic is my idea of hell. The two of you would just wallow in self pity and it would go nowhere.

So what's your idea of a perfect partner? Someone who exudes ultra confidence and is ridiculously articulate? Witty and humourous, everything youre not?

Is it even possible to attract these kinda people, when youre really quite the opposite?

 

[Sacrament]

Or you could help eachother, challenge eachother, force eachother into public situations and strive all the way to recovery together.

 

[Lawliet]

Or you could help eachother, challenge eachother, force eachother into public situations and strive all the way to recovery together.

thats what I think(hope) too,maybe dating another person with SA could create a very strong bond,but it would be hard to get started.

 

[Foxglove]

My husband is my exact opposite. He is very gregarious, self-confident and positive. When we first met, I forced myself to accompany him to parties and other social events, but I don't anymore. It seems to work for us, though. We've been together for almost 15 years, married 11 of those years and have a child. My husband and son are the only contacts I have, which is more than many people here seem to have, so I'm very grateful that I have them.

 

[phobicphil]

I know some party animals that have married the most reserved people. They anchor them, in a way.

There's no point being talkative if there's nobody to listen!

 

[rado31]

yes , anyone who could stand my controversal character is good. Under condition that i can stand that person (I thought there are many 'anyones' in this world )
I m getting pathetic. Who will inherit my familys empire and court trials
Beside being bipolar i have a real good genom :?

 

[rado31]

yes , anyone who could stand my controversal character is good. Under condition that i can stand that person (I thought there are many 'anyones' in this world )
I m getting pathetic. Who will inherit my familys empire and court trials
Beside being bipolar i have a real good genom :?

 

[phobicphil]

Who will inherit my familys empire and court trials

I've an idea! Why don't you give everything to me? :wink:

 

[Barnum]

I think it depends more on the type of person than if they have SP or not. Initially I wanted to meet someone with SP just to have someone I didn't need to explain everything to. I've also come to realize that finding someone more confident motivates you to improve your own confidence in order to maintain a relationship. That said, I think that the most difficult relationship for an SP sufferer is one where the other person is fully in charge and leaves you with little room for self-improvement, as well as making you uncomfortable for being so socially inactive.

 

[xSleepy]

coughimalosercough

 

[shynobody]

Well for me i think ide be more comfortable dating someone who had SP or even if there just a little shy. Talkative outgoing people kinda scare me, lol. Well no they dont scare me they intimidate me.
And someone who has SP would be more understanding if you dont want to go out in public to do something. Like go out to eat or go to the movies...etc. Because with someone who doesnt have SP they would probably start to get annoyed with you when you say you dont feel like going out today. Then theyde probably dump you for being so strange or something....
it just seems like it be be too stressful to date someone who was outgoing and stuff. Ill stick to the shy ones if i can

OMGosh!!!!! i was about to post exactly what you just did 8O 8O lol. and btw...i'm NOT stalking you...its just coincidence i'm replying to your posts lol. it's so true tho....i need someone to understand me and the only way for that to happen is if they are also SP. like this one girl that i just started playing tennis with...she has this really loud laugh which is kind of intimidating and a turn off for me :?. and because i was acting all nervous, awkward and quiet...i think she thought i was strange. but that's me...overanalyzing stuff :roll:. but i'm not really interested in her so i dont know why i'm posting this lol.

 

[Barnum]

Because with someone who doesnt have SP they would probably start to get annoyed with you when you say you dont feel like going out today. Then theyde probably dump you for being so strange or something....

I think SP people put too much emphasis on that one personality trait when it comes to success in relationships. Just remember that there's a reason you're with the person in the first place. :wink:

 

[Remus]

Re: opposites attract - being in a relationship with another

I was just thinking about this. For me, the idea of being in a relationship with another social phobic is my idea of hell. The two of you would just wallow in self pity and it would go nowhere.

I was in a relationship with another SP many years ago, I was the "more well" of us both and shared how I got better with her (she improved a little), I was the strong one in the relationship, I was almost pushy at times, trying my best to be supportive and help, knowing that to give in and let SP take hold could be the worst thing, the relationship only failed as at the end of the day as there was not enough love there.

I would not write off SP/SA relatonships, just dont rely too heavily on being "the carer" or "the cared for", mind you.... that can also apply to getting into a relationship with someone normal, I think it's about sorting out your own problems and not "needing"

 

[Remus]

Hmmm I've been in two much worse relationships with "normals" in my youth, these were long term too and torture, people with no heart use your weakness against you.

I think two people with severe SA would be a disaster, maybe one not too bad and one bit severe might work, I cant see two people with mild or recovering SA/SA would be too bad. I've seen a couple of relationships on another site work ok like that.

Forgot to metion, it was her that first introduced me to SA sites, even before my diagnosis, I just thought I had some sort of panic disorder/shyness until then

 

[Hoth]

Depends on the people, obviously. If you like extroverted activities but just need someone to help you with them, an extrovert can be good for you. If your idea of a good time is to stay home and enjoy a quiet evening, though, someone with SA would surely be better. As long as they're not a miserable bag of problems who drags you down and depends on you for everything, of course. Dating a depressed person is probably more difficult, and two depressed people might just add up to twice as much negativity, but not everybody even with severe social anxiety is depressed or negative.

The two of you would just wallow in self pity and it would go nowhere.

We don't all spend most of our time wallowing in self-pity.

 

[jiujitsu]

Someone with light to medium levels of SA would be best. None would be unpleasant and severe would probably get me frustrated. I like to stay in and avoid social contact, but sometimes I have to go out to get things done that I want or need done. I'd like it if they would come with me at those times.

 

[Psychedelicious]

I'm not sure. I kind of like loud obnoxious people, well not like super annoying. I just mean like outgoing, and someone who isn't afraid of a lot. It's what I'm not. They indimidate me too, but I admire them at the same time. I would still want someone who understands me though. I could date a shy person too, but I wouldn't want to get stuck with two people who just stay inside all the time, and are more likely to be afraid of the world. I would probably take anyone who would date me in the first place though lol.

 

[Remus]

I can be loud and extroverted if I know people well enough. until there are more than 3 people that is.

It is said I'm kinda theatrical :lol:

 

[Weirdo]

If I had a gf as weird as me, we would just hug in bed and stay that way for all eternity

 

[littl3misstrange]

well, i happen to be in love with a guy who has SP. he lives on the other side of the world, so we never get to see each other (yet), but it does get frustrating trying to build him up when he's feeling down. he's been feeling really depressed lately because his anxiety is preventing him from doing the things he wants to do, & it breaks my heart that i can't make him feel better.
i do think we have a stronger bond though, because we both share the experience of suffering from SP/depression. i honestly don't think i could be in a relationship with a non-SP person, because i don't think they would be able to understand what i was going through, & i wouldn't be able to relate to them on a level as deep as i'd want to.