cowboyup
Well-known member
It's been a year now since I moved. I still feel resentment and anger towards those who were close to me.
Sometimes I want to just be forgotten - like I never existed. That sounds horrible, I know, but it's exactly how I feel at times.
We all have our good, bad and ugly days, but since I was forced to move because I was suspect number 1 in a bunch of identity theft in which those close to me claim I've ruined their lives.
I did nothing, and as a matter of fact, I went to the police because after all this broke out, I checked my own credit report and found I, too was a victim (I use that word sparingly) of identity theft and was supposedly to be living in a state on the east coast (never been to the state that was on my credit report). I have a fraud alert on my credit report, etc...
The people who pointed their fingers at me was my own family. I was 'ordered' to tell the 2 kids I raised from infants (my nephew and niece) that I had to move and help my sister. My brother told me, "no tears, no crying, you tell the kids you have to move because your sister needs your help"
Today, my sister and I got an envelope full of year old mail sent my SIL. most of which are forms to fill out for identity theft. I requested them a while back.
Some days I wish I could just disappear. I have a potluck Christmas party to go to at work today ..... don't wanna go. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I should have never opened the mail. I have to put on my fake smile at work and pretend everything is OK.
When I opened the envelope it was like re-opening a partially healed wound.
I am working with a therapist about this and the past - my childhood lacked something to be desired and when I told my therapist some of the stuff I have witnessed, that shed new light on some of the reasons behind my social anxiety and depression.
I am very grateful for having a full-time job and a roof over my head and yes, I know things could be 1000 times worse. But for me, in this moment, I feel panic, anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration and I am having such a difficult time drudging through it all and moving forward.
I don't ask for much, I'd never hurt anyone and I keep to myself with regards to office politics and such, I do my job well, don't complain. But inside, there's this raging, bubbling wound that I can't quite seem to get past.
Some days...
some days, you need to just vent, get it out of the headspace and move on without looking back.
and it's even harder with depression and anxiety with panic attacks.
Sometimes I want to just be forgotten - like I never existed. That sounds horrible, I know, but it's exactly how I feel at times.
We all have our good, bad and ugly days, but since I was forced to move because I was suspect number 1 in a bunch of identity theft in which those close to me claim I've ruined their lives.
I did nothing, and as a matter of fact, I went to the police because after all this broke out, I checked my own credit report and found I, too was a victim (I use that word sparingly) of identity theft and was supposedly to be living in a state on the east coast (never been to the state that was on my credit report). I have a fraud alert on my credit report, etc...
The people who pointed their fingers at me was my own family. I was 'ordered' to tell the 2 kids I raised from infants (my nephew and niece) that I had to move and help my sister. My brother told me, "no tears, no crying, you tell the kids you have to move because your sister needs your help"
Today, my sister and I got an envelope full of year old mail sent my SIL. most of which are forms to fill out for identity theft. I requested them a while back.
Some days I wish I could just disappear. I have a potluck Christmas party to go to at work today ..... don't wanna go. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I should have never opened the mail. I have to put on my fake smile at work and pretend everything is OK.
When I opened the envelope it was like re-opening a partially healed wound.
I am working with a therapist about this and the past - my childhood lacked something to be desired and when I told my therapist some of the stuff I have witnessed, that shed new light on some of the reasons behind my social anxiety and depression.
I am very grateful for having a full-time job and a roof over my head and yes, I know things could be 1000 times worse. But for me, in this moment, I feel panic, anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration and I am having such a difficult time drudging through it all and moving forward.
I don't ask for much, I'd never hurt anyone and I keep to myself with regards to office politics and such, I do my job well, don't complain. But inside, there's this raging, bubbling wound that I can't quite seem to get past.
Some days...
some days, you need to just vent, get it out of the headspace and move on without looking back.
and it's even harder with depression and anxiety with panic attacks.