On the verge of being an alcoholic

[SleepForever]

A few years ago i drank rum (twice)and alot of it because i was very anxious on these two occasions,i swore to myself i'd be careful but i ended up drinking too much and making a fool of myself both times and being very sick etc. After these times i swore i'd never drink again but...

my anxiety has seem to have got worse over the years and a couple of months ago i thought i'd try 'self medicating' again but with this time beer. I tested myself and drunk about 2-3 before i left the house and i was pleased with the results this time around. It helped relax me,i didnt get tongue tied,i talked more and didnt think twice about saying what i wanted to say,i even have been the wild one'after a few drinks' at a nightclub i go to with my boyfriend(i use to be very nervous and stiff when dancing in nightclub). I can control myself with the beer and know my limit without getting too drunk. Now i've found that the beer helps calm my nerves i have been drinking it ever since and it helps me everytime,there have been times when it's wore off when i eat etc but then i just drink more. I know i'm at a high risk of becoming an alcoholic as i use it as an escape and to cope,i dont want this to happen but i've been so depressed with my life lately that i dont seem to care at the moment and being 'tipsy' is the only thing that cheers me up,even if it is for only a short period of time. My anxiety is so bad and when i get scared i find it hard not to have a drink(before i go somewhere). I think i may be an alcoholic in the making

Anyone else feel their SA is making them turn to drink or drugs?

 

[happy5225]

I never drink..I prefer get on the net..like now.

Anyways,wishes to you!

 

[Horatio]

Im in the same boat MissForever...

I never drank at all due to my christian upbringing until relatively recently. First got drunk at age 21 on Valentines Day when I went to a ball by myself cause I couldnt get a date but decided to go alone and have fun anyway. After several hours of sitting on the sidelines watching all the couples dancing and making out I discovered the free bar

recently I started drinking more so I could have the confident to go out to bars, which worked really well and still does. Without alcohol I dont hav the confidence to be around others like that. But I realised I had a problem when I started drinking at home, nearly every night. the alcohol gives me a break from being lonely and a break from my depression and works ten times better than any medication Ive ever been given

now Ive cut back and only drink on weekends so it doesnt effect my work at all. sorry to be the devils advocate here but I dont see a problem with it. I think getting drunk is an extremely healthy excersise for some people. Personally I dont think I could get through the week without knowing that for at least one night I wont feel lonely or depressed. That one night a week gives me the little bit of sanity that I need to keep going for one more week

 

[SleepForever]

I spent most of my late teens and twenties boozing/drug taking. I would have given Oliver Reed a run for his money.

The dangerous thing for me and I think for most of people with any SA problems is that when drink or drugs does take away your fears etc our behaviour maybe gets a bit more outrageous than your normal Joe Bloggs. What I mean is that when we do get relief from it with the aid of drink/drugs we tend to go over board with our behaviour because we never get a chance to do it sober. It's like 'wow my anxiety is away I think I'll go and...... then it's usually ten times more than a 'normal' person would do.

quote]

That is very true. When i'm drunk/tipsy,i just become a completely different person and i guess i make the most of my 'short period of confidence'. Now i've started drinking,i love it. I always drink before i meet up with my boyfriend,he doesnt know i drink before i leave the house but i'm wondering if he knows because of how the drink changes me and makes me more talkative.

 

[Lethargy]

I'm the same way man.. whenever I have alcohol cradling my inhibitions I become mr. sociable. The contrast from my drunk self and sober slef is so ridiculous I feel embarrassed to show myself around when I'm sober unless around a circle of friends who I'm comfortable with. I thought about quitting drinking but I like drinking. The problem for me is to either get on meds or get therapy to get fixed when im sober.

 

[Moonie]

Wow, Sleepforever..I could relate to so much of what you have said above! When I first started going out with my BF, maybe the first few months or so, I would drink a bit before out meetings. Not too much that I'd go crazy (well maybe a couple times).. But we have been dating about 1.5 years now, and am much more open. I can even sing in front of him (that's how I know I am comfortable!)

I couldn't agree more with your statment about people with SA enjoying the moment of being tipsy/buzzing/drunk because it's something we can not experience without it. And that is why I tend to drink fast, get carried away, make a fool of myself, and even get kicked out of bars.

I am taking a two month break from drinking now. I am trying to find other ways to sloly build up my confidence and comfort.

 

[makangel]

Dear Sleepforever, I noticed your post, because of something that has happened to me recently , My father was a severe alcoholic and I manged to side step drinking till a dramatic family situation occured, and I realized I did not want to eat peanut butter cookies with stress....i had suddenly crossed the line all I could think about was drinking, i did not want to eat, but frosty mug with coors light, beer with lime, was all I could think about.....at age 58, I had crossed the line from maybe drinking 1-3 light beers a year to obsessive thoughts of drinking beer. What broke my heart was the statment you made " On the verge of becoming a alcoholic " Please realize this may be a warning sign, and you may want to consider AA meeting or going to therapist.....I hope so. Please avoid taking Ativan if that is every prescribed to you. Always listen to that gut feeling and if that is what it is telling you.....please do not ignore it. Makange

 

[shakethelight]

I can't tell you what to do I can just offer advice. It might help you feel better short term but it will only hurt you in the long run. I used to drink and take drugs to manage my SA, I thought I had everything under-control but it had control over me. I've been sober for months now ( with the exception of my prescribed meds) and it's been a hellish fight trying to function in the real world again.

You don't need alcohol to be soical. When the alcohol wears off, you will still have the same issue youre trying to self medicate. You need to get to the root of your anxiety. The first step in changing is acknowledging that you have a problem & then wanting to actually change. It's hard work but worth the effort. I hope it all works out.

 

[EscapeArtist]

2 good replies above me to an old thread. I was reading through the forum and prepared to reply to the poster but it's from 2006! Woops... I wonder how this person is doing now? When you turn to alcohol or drugs, you lose all the skills of coping that you had without knowing it before you started turning to escapes... Suddenly it feels hellish to sit with emotions even for one night. I never thought I'd turn to alcohol but now I can't go 3 days without something, simply because the loneliness is overbearing and I've been hiding from it for 5 months now...

Wierdly enough I don't drink socially, partly because I don't have friends who drink, and because I am too anxious about looking drunk and irresponsible, so I get drunk alone.

The downside to this is tremendous. I can't grow emotionally if I can't feel emotionally. I remember I used to be able to work through my emotions and felt like I was having huge growing experiences and revelations every time I would discover an emotion and cry about it.... But now the urge to drink or use drugs is strongest right before these moments, as if to purposely stave away growthpain. Also when I am drunk I become overly emotional, self harming or angry. It feels embarrassing when people catch me in these moments and it feels irresponsiblyl dangerous to still drink when I know I do stupid things. I've accidentally mixed it with ativan and passed out puking on a friend's bed, and said yes to things I wouldn't normally say yes to. I feel like I've been a real shame to some of my friends and family and I've made bad choices that could stick with me in the back of my head :/. Anyways, heart goes out to all those with this going on, and a lot of appreciation to the above posters.

shakethelight I hope I can one day look back and say the same thing!

 

[shakethelight]

^
Ha, I didn't even realize this was in 2006! I'm stupid. Everything you just wrote is so relatiable to me. "I can't grow emotionally if I can't feel emotionally. I remember I used to be able to work through my emotions " That has been my biggest problem getting sober. I started using in my teens so emotionally I am 15/16, and just now learning the basics of life.

if you ever want to talk my inbox is always open. I know it's a hard battle but so worth the fight.

 

[mikebird]

I have just one friend in an imperfect state of... not plush lifestyle, who does refuse to drink, for an unknown reason. I am incredibly luck with my deep history of partying and enjoying life among many people of a 25 year period of a lot more than alcohol. Now a strictly basic life. No £$€ or people to do it with.

 

[theslowesthand]

Provided there is a degree of control, as in the amount drank & the acting-out, i don' really see the harm. And if you are unable to "feel" or address your feelings, then really what else is there to help?? In fact i'm considering getting back on the grog myself, as been a few months, and my emotional life is now cr*p-as, and i just can't shift it ... but i'm sure alcohol would help me to "attack" it at least a bit

 

[OceanMist]

I want to say a couple things that I hope don't get deleted.

I am pro-alcohol. Alcohol is one of the reasons I'm still alive right now. It doesn't make you fail Urinary Analysis tests like marijuana does and it keeps me sane. As long as you drink responsibly, it really is a good thing actually.

Schools and cops and all that stuff try to scare people into believing that alcohol is evil or shady or whatever.....most of the people saying that are the ones that aren't drinking.

As long as you don't break laws, I don't really see much wrong with drinking a lot, especially if you don't have any kids responsiblity.

The key with alcohol is it makes life more entertaining and gives us something to do....and in a shy person's life, finding those two things are very important for survival. It's very easy to become bored with my life being shy and all.

As crazy it sounds, there are much much worse things than becoming an alcoholic. You've gotta have fun sometimes at least. If it's not alcohol, a person who has SA needs to find something to let loose.

 

[lonely_drummer]

I was at this point a few months ago. I was drinking every day, sometimes not too many but at least 3 days I'd have around 8 beers and be pretty buzzed. It helped me be comfortable around people. But now for the past few months I've been on anti convulsants and haven't been able to drink a drop since April. I'm glad I'm not drinking anymore but there are times when I would love to pound back a six pack. Alcohol is a messed up drug now that I can see what it does to people.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I never thought I'd turn to alcohol but now I can't go 3 days without something, simply because the loneliness is overbearing and I've been hiding from it for 5 months now...

Wierdly enough I don't drink socially, partly because I don't have friends who drink, and because I am too anxious about looking drunk and irresponsible, so I get drunk alone.

The downside to this is tremendous. I can't grow emotionally if I can't feel emotionally. I remember I used to be able to work through my emotions and felt like I was having huge growing experiences and revelations every time I would discover an emotion and cry about it.... But now the urge to drink or use drugs is strongest right before these moments, as if to purposely stave away growthpain. Also when I am drunk I become overly emotional, self harming or angry. It feels embarrassing when people catch me in these moments and it feels irresponsiblyl dangerous to still drink when I know I do stupid things. I've accidentally mixed it with ativan and passed out puking on a friend's bed, and said yes to things I wouldn't normally say yes to. I feel like I've been a real shame to some of my friends and family and I've made bad choices that could stick with me in the back of my head :/. Anyways, heart goes out to all those with this going on, and a lot of appreciation to the above posters.

shakethelight I hope I can one day look back and say the same thing!

If you're using alcohol to suppress or avoid emotional pain, if you can't bear to go more than a couple of days without a drink, and if you're getting drunk alone and putting yourself at risk, then I would agree that you definitely have a problem. I congratulate you for recognizing it at such an early stage, but now that you've done so, what are you going to do next?

I wasted eighteen years of my life as a practicing drunkard and drug user before I finally came to terms with my addiction and took the necessary steps to rein it in. What worked for me was a combination of group substance abuse counseling and twelve step meetings. I tried AA and NA, which are both good programs, but they never really felt right, largely because I was suffering from anxiety and depression alongside my addiction. I found that DRA, or Dual Recovery Anonymous, was a much more comfortable fit. DRA is based on the AA twelve step model, but it is tailored to people with both substance abuse problems and other mental health issues, like anxiety, depression, or PTSD. Most members are on some sort of psychotropic medication for one condition or another, so if you're taking anything like Ativan for your anxiety, they'll be a lot more understanding of that need than some of the more traditional groups. It's a much smaller organization than AA or NA, so meetings can be hard to find in some places, but if you can find one in your area, it might be a good place to start.

Believe me, I know how hard it is for someone with social phobia to walk into a room full of strangers. I had to force myself to go to my first meeting, and I was literally shaking in my boots as I walked in the door. After a couple of weeks, though, I started to become more comfortable, made some new friends, and most importantly, I stopped drinking and using drugs. I've been sober for ten years now, and I credit those meetings and the people I met there with helping me to achieve that recovery and possibly saving my life.

Of course, there are other approaches to recovery, and the path I followed might not suit you at all. Whatever your needs may be, and wherever your path may lie, I sincerely hope that you'll take the necessary steps to find some kind of help before things get any worse. If you'd like more information, or just want to talk to someone who's been where you are and survived, I'll be happy to answer any questions you might have as best I can.

 

[OceanMist]

I don't see why so many people think drinking by yourself is a problem. Someone such as myself hangs out with myself most of the time, so the only way to really drink is by myself.

There are multiple reasons that drinking alone is a safer option than drinking with others anyway. When I drink alone, I'm not going to get into physical fights and wind up in jail, and I'm also not going to drive home while drunk because I won't be going anywhere.

I'm not saying drinking by yourself is better than drinking around others, I'm just saying I don't get why so many people label drinking alone as alcoholism. I'm not an alcoholic and I drink by myself like twice a week or so and I'm fine. I'm not addicted or anything. It's not "destroying" my life. If anything, it helps me stay sane.

From my own experience, alcohol is better than any medication that I've ever taken. It's a shame that so many people in the world have given alcohol the "evil" label and relate drinking beers to "alcoholicism."

Just because I drink beers twice a week doesn't mean I'm dumb or am "losing it." It just means I like to get a good buzz and have a good time. There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make me an alcoholic.

I think the stages thing to that AA thing is funny. Isn't the first step denial? Well, if I don't have a problem, then yeah, the first thing I'll do is deny I have a problem.....because I don't have a problem. Someone who never even drinks would do the same thing. It's kind of like set up to make you think you have a problem. It reminds me of those advertisements where people make you think you have a problem so you buy their product.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I don't see why so many people think drinking by yourself is a problem.

We're all individuals. Some people can handle alcohol in a safe and responsible way, but some of us can't. If someone drinks alone, even habitually, it does not necessarily mean that that person is an alcoholic. Solo drinking is just one of many behaviors which, in combination, point to that conclusion. If you're just having a few beers a couple of times a week to relax, and it doesn't lead to any kind of destructive behavior or other problems, then you're probably fine, just like the vast majority of people. If it helps you, and does no harm, that's great. Go for it!

I'm actually a little envious. I occasionally still wish I could drink like that, but I know I can't. For me, the purpose of drinking was not just to relax, but to smother my pain and blot out the world as much, and as often, as possible. I don't want to get into telling "war stories" here, but it led to a lot of problems and a lot of stupid, dangerous activity. It's a wonder I'm not dead or in prison right now. It's one thing to use alcohol as a mild relaxant or "social lubricant", but misusing it, as I did and many others do, is something entirely different.

Organizations like AA, NA, and DRA have helped millions of people like me, people with bona fide problems. They're not religions or cults, and they're not out to make a profit. They don't proselytize, but merely offer a possible solution to troubled people who already know they need help. The first step, you see, is not denial, but acceptance.