Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

The morning "sets the tone" for the day, so her blabbing negative stuff first thing in the morning is, in effect ruining your day.
Is there any way you could let her know this, to her to hopefully be more positive/cheery in the morning? But if she's naw a "morning person" that could be tricky...

Let her know? Ah've telt her about her mingin', dour-faced attitude plenty o' times in the morning. Even asked why she's like this, but she just, either, get defensive to the point when ah fear I'm either gonnae get hit, or I'm going to slap her. Or she'll laugh it off as a joke. She's the only yin laughin', like. :thumbdown: I've went so far as to ask her why she thinks we don't get along - her answer? Nuthin'! Total silence.

Just a few days ago there, yin morning I wake-up early. I'm already up when she comes into my room. As I'm checking my emails on my tablet, she goes:

"Morning! Christ, you look in a right crabbit mood. Must be getting better, then?"​

I just fired back with: "Well, ah wus'nae in a crabbit mood til you walk in. Coincidence, d'ye think?" Then came the "...only joking" rebutal. Because that's what you say to someone when you've just pissed them off. Not sorry, didnae mean to upset you. Naw! It wus just a joke...

So, I'm just done trying to get through to her. She doesnae listen to her, anyway. All she does is complain to me day in, day oot, ever chance she gets. It's why I don't enjoy being around her much, and spend so much time by myself.

"Oh, I'm tired. I'm fed-up. Ma knee's sore. Ma legs are sore. Hate ma life, wish ah could run"​

Don't get me wrong, I'd have some degree of sympathy if I weren't subjected to this pityful self-loathing on a daily basis. :kickingmyself: But, as it is, I genuinely don't care anymore. I really don't. Because whenever I come away with talk like that, then it's all:

"You shouldnae be thinkin' like that. Life's precious"​

Then she give speel aboot God and how I wus spared for a reason. Which I'd just answer back:

"To suffer, was it? Cuz it sure seems that way"​

As per usual - the irony is lost on her. There's never a f**kin' happy thought or kindly word expressed whenever I'm around her, myself. It's always negative, discouraging or embittered. But, anytime my either of sisters are about, she's suddenly upbeat and happy. :idontknow:

So, I don't know what to do anymore? Since the promise I was made by her as I was laid up in plasters in hospital, she clear had no intention of following through on. As we're a year on, and nothing whatsoever has changed, in terms of her attitude and personality.

Just the same ol' narcissistic need for sympathy, attention, validation and getting things her way. At the expense of my own physical, mental and emotional well-being, of course. But who wants to hear about my non-existent problems, huh? :crying:

F**kin' dreading the news when her recent blood tests comeback. Because I'm not going to feel much sympathy for my mum, I know that sounds cruel. But, at the end of the day, me and my oldest sister had warned her about the consequences of drinking Pepsi all the time, and her lack of exercise. Telt her her to cut back on the fizzy drinks, even offer her use of my pedal exerciser which got a response of: "Oh, but ah cannae dae it! Naw, ah cannae! Wouldnae know how, anyway".
Which is my Mum's go to excuse for not wanting to change or do something new. And she'll use a variation on it when try to talk her into getting outta the house for a few hours to do something besides shopping.

And she'll probably turn round and accuse me of not caring, if the diagnosis comes through that I'm expecting. Or that I was too concerned with myself and my own health - cutting back on certain foods, watching my intake of other things, like fizzy drinks. Lifting dumbells and doing my pedal exerciser. Cuz that's how I spent most of last year.

But hey, I'm used to be the one who takes the blame. How much longer I can sit there and just take it, we'll see...

Sorry for the long ramble. Just need to vent how I've been feeling lately.

 

[Graeme1988]

Not doing too great right now. Been thinking a lotta about my life, wondering when it'll be over. Very little seems to work out for the best in case. Except, maybe last year, that seems to go quite well for me. :idontknow:

Ah know, life's unfair that way. But it just feel like no matter what I do, it's never up to par. Also, having a hard time dealing with people seem to perceive me. On the one hand, I'm this shy, quiet, soft-spoken, sensible lad. On the other, I'm an intimidating, scary bloke. One being based on my appearance, the other my personality - or lack there of...

My Mum's being quite difficult changing her mind on a whim, rejecting my offers to get her outta the house for a night out, or go anywhere for that matter. Yet, she no doubt moan that she's not coming with me when I try and book tickets for the next comedy show I'm hoping to see. As she did a couple months ago. But then she always made me guilty for doing whatever makes me happy.

Since it's very much a prison-like existence for me. In that everything I do is very much out of my hands, and planned. I get up at set time every morning, bed by a certain time. In between I'm told what I can and can't do. Since wouldnae want to interrupt my Mum's daily schedule of paying the bill, going shopping and laying about watching TV or reading The National Enquirer and People's Friend.

Sure she'll wash and iron clothes, make the meals everyday. But she still refuses to address her hoarding habit, which extends to me by proxy because I'm not allowed to part with a single-materialistic thing that belongs to me. :kickingmyself:

"Naw, dinnae part with that. Keep it"
"Why?"
"Just keep it, just in case"
"In case, what? It's a 3 metre guitar lead that's of nae used to me, now"
"Awww, just keep it, anyway"​

Another annoying habit my mum has is that she'll ask me a question and then proceed to answer it for me before I even get a chance to answer her, myself. h:

But, apparently, I'm so bloody difficult to live with. So demanding. Always agreeing with whatever opinions my family spouts. Doing everything they asked of me, even the things I'm maniplated into. Never makin' a fuss or complaining about anything. Always making sure everyone else's is happy and content Aye, I'm a right f**kin' diva, I am, huh?!

You'd almost think I don't have a life or mind of my own... :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, I finally got my laptop hooked up to my stereo. So. now, I have surround sound whenever I watch movies. Hardly an achievement, but I figured it on my own.

Oh, and it turns out I have had an ingrown nail in my big left toe, but an infected bit of callus skin was covering it. So, neither me, my sister or any of the doctors who huv been treating it and dressing it, could see it probably. Anyway, the ingrown bit of nail finally grew long enough to be visible. And just clenched ma teeth, and yanked it oot with my fingers, yesterday, while getting a shower.

No more agony while walking.

Meaning I can start getting in shape for the summer.

 

[theslowesthand]

Oh, and it turns out I have had an ingrown nail in my big left toe, but an infected bit of callus skin was covering it. So, neither me, my sister or any of the doctors who huv been treating it and dressing it, could see it probably. Anyway, the ingrown bit of nail finally grew long enough to be visible. And just clenched ma teeth, and yanked it oot with my fingers, yesterday, while getting a shower.

Wow, did that not hurt doin that???
But well done for being brave enuf to do it! :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

Wow, did that not hurt doin that???
But well done for being brave enuf to do it! :bigsmile:

Oh aye, it hurt. But it's 2 week until my podiatrist assessment, so thought might as well try and get the ingrown nail oot afore. Ah'll tell ye, the relief after finally pulling it out and clean my toe... Never felt so glad. Yet, I went through worse pain last year, getting my operation done.

Still kept the appointment, though. Since I'll take a medically trained opinion over my sister's know-it-all "Ah read about it online" approach. Plus, she did huv the nerve to, like our mum, second guess me when I said it might be an ingrown nail. And not making the initial doctors appointment until I could barely walk or get my shoes on. h:

 

[Graeme1988]

Is it wrong o' me tae not care much aboot the dysfunction going on around me? Ah mean, in the sense of just letting it play out and not getting involved, y'know? Like in Zen sorta way. Or being a disabled spectator at a football match - in that yer close to action but unlikely to score a goal.

Just wondering if ah should feel as guilty as I'm made tae feel, cuz ah don't really pick side whenever 2 folk in my family are arguing with each other. Am I a bad person cuz o' that? :question:

It becoming more difficult overhearing phone conversations between ma Mum and older sister - the middle child - as well. Cuz at some point ma Mum'll go off on the "Aw men ure b@$%@¿*s. They are!" rant. The feminist's war cry. I mean, I used to hearing it. Heard it on-off for past 13 years of my life. Ah just worry that ah might huv, wrongly, applied this mantra to masel' in a guilt by association way. Being a man n' that... :idontknow:

Other than that, things are awrite at the moment. :thumbup:

 

[theslowesthand]

Or being a disabled spectator a football match - in that yer close to action but unlikely to score a goal.

I feel that way whenever i'm in physical proximity to an attractive woman. :sad:

Just wondering if ah should feel as guilty as I'm made tae feel, cuz ah don't really pick side whenever 2 folk in my family are arguing with each other. Am I a bad person cuz o' that? :question:

It becoming more difficult overhearing phone conversations between ma Mum and older sister - the middle child - as well. Cuz at some point ma Mum'll go off on the "Aw men ure b@$%@¿*s. They are!" rant. The feminist's war cry. I mean, I used to hearing it. Heard it on-off for past 13 years of my life. Ah just worry that ah might huv, wrongly, applied this mantra to masel' in a guilt by association way. Being a man n' that... :idontknow:

Guilt is an unnecessary feeling, aye it is. And it's immoral to use it in order to get yer own way, like yer mum & siblings do. Ye need to take matters into yer own hands - read up about guilt, take ye control of that feeling. Maybe read a book like "Life Without Guilt" (i have that). Who knows, ye might gain sth from reading such material? Guilt sucks big-time, so it's worth putting effort into getting rid of it.

 

[Graeme1988]

Looks like my area, along with most of Scotland and the north of England just got hit by this recent cyber-attack that hacked the National Health Service. Ah hope tae f**k ma medical records huv'nae been lost. :alone: :veryangry: :bat:
South of Scotland health boards hit by cyber attack — ITV News

 

[theslowesthand]

Looks like my area, along with most of Scotland and the north of England just got hit by this recent cyber-attack that hacked the National Health Service. Ah hope tae f**k ma medical records huv'nae been lost. :alone: :veryangry: :bat:
South of Scotland health boards hit by cyber attack — ITV News

Naw, your records will be fine, as NHS will certainly want the patient files decrypted again, so i guess they'll pay the ransom fee to do that?
Also, they will no doubt have backups of all data.

 

[theslowesthand]

AC/DC are an Australian rock band, but the Young boys hail from Scotland. as do a few others, Brian Johnson hails from England, and the rest are from Australia. Found this out while looking up "pub rock" on wikipedia.

 

[Graeme1988]

I feel that way whenever i'm in physical proximity to an attractive woman. :sad:

Same here. And I've been in physical proximity to some attractive woman within the last year. Not braggin', just sayin'... Why they'd find me attractive - f**k knows! :idontknow:

Guilt is an unnecessary feeling, aye it is. And it's immoral to use it in order to get yer own way, like yer mum & siblings do. Ye need to take matters into yer own hands - read up about guilt, take ye control of that feeling. Maybe read a book like "Life Without Guilt" (i have that). Who knows, ye might gain sth from reading such material? Guilt sucks big-time, so it's worth putting effort into getting rid of it.

Definitely sounds like a plan. And thanks for the book recommendation. :thumbup:

Naw, your records will be fine, as NHS will certainly want the patient files decrypted again, so i guess they'll pay the ransom fee to do that?

They'd be part with a shitload of tax-payer money, especially if they've got the ransom paid today.

Also, they will no doubt have backups of all data.

Certainly hope they've got backups. The media and the government here are freaking out about this hack, as they rightly should.

 

[Graeme1988]

AC/DC are an Australian rock band, but the Young boys hail from Scotland. as do a few others, Brian Johnson hails from England, and the rest are from Australia. Found this out while looking up "pub rock" on wikipedia.

Nearly right. Ah mean, aye, Brian is a Geordie fae Newcastle. There's a not so subtle in-joke reference to Brian's previous band, there, before he got the AC/DC gig.

Angus, Malcolm and Bon all hail from Scotland. But isn't Cliff Williams, like Brian, also from England? From Merseyside, near Liverpool? Technically speaking, only Phil Rudd, the original drummer, is an Aussie born and bred.

And Chris Slade is from Wales. So, at the point when he replaced Phil in the early 90s, AC/DC were technically a British band. Since none of the band at that point, if you knew their history well enough, were from Australia.

 

[Graeme1988]

Why does responsibility for somebuddy else's actions always fall tae me? Why am I always fobbed off with the same ol' excuses every-f**kin'-time ah ask ma ain family, "Cun ye dae this fur me, please? Thanks, much appreciated". But naw, same auld shite...

Got another laptop tae fix, as if refurbishing an old one ah hud lying aboot tae give to ma sister wus'nae enough hassle.

Worse still, ma ain mother gives me tha same answer every time I ask her a question. Which is: "Ah dinnae ken" :idontknow: Then she'll huv a go it me fur daring questioning her intelligence or gettin' pissed off at her. Or even a sarcastic remark by me which draws upon that stereotype of wimmin with a certain hair-colour no being that bright, intellectually.

Not excuse ma behaviour, but if that's really yer go to answer every time, cannae really blame me fur reacting like that, ken whit ah mean? It's frustrating, tae say the least. Cuz it pits pressure oan me aw the time tae know everything. What with me being the "brains o' the family" and supposed "2nd smartest person in tha whole family" - according to one o' ma cousins. Doesnae exactly say much fur the rest o' them, does it? If I'm the yin being held up as how ye should be. Me? This ugly, scruffy-lookin' tanned f**ker who failed secondary school.

F**kin' hate ma life! :kickingmyself: Ah dae everythin' everybuddy ever asks of me, cuz ah tend to be pretty harsh on myself whenever ah let somebuddy doon. But they'll never do anything I ask o' them. Ah know, double-standards. Still it's a bit much tae say am the ungrateful c*nt! Really?! :thumbdown:

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, the good news is my mum's blood tests came back okay. Nae diabetes. :applause:
But ah don't think this wee health scare will make her re-think the consumption of Pepsi she's drinking? :idontknow: Cuz she too lazy to be that sense. Aye, she knows it has to be done. But sayin' she do summit and actually do it are 2 very different things to my mum. Like anything that requires will-power or effort isn't worth doing. Which doesnae bode well for her future shoulder and knee surgeries. :sad:

And ma oldest sister just laughed when ah pointed out that am no the yin drinkin' it. Laughed oot loud like it wus the funniest thing ah've said within a year.

 

[Graeme1988]

Didnae really get much sleep last night, mainly, because ah sat-up in bed thinking and came tae the depressing realisation that am no really livin' fur masel', not really taking care o' me. And that ma family are always taking advantage o' me, being manipulative, rarely keeping their word when they promise me summit. :sad:

Like with the laptop ah recently gave my sister, ah telt her I'd put CD/DVD copying software on it for purpose o' creating file backups if she needed to. And she just makes excuse efter excuse:

"Oh, ah wouldnae know how tae dae that. You dae it, yer better than me at that sorta thing" :kickingmyself:​

Basically, this Scottish comedy sketch is pretty much ma life: Burnistoun - I'll Dae It

 

[theslowesthand]

Basically, this Scottish comedy sketch is pretty much ma life

He he, that's a GREAT skit! :lol:

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah must be feeling really depressed, lately. Cuz in the past couple o' months, I've only enjoyed 3 of 6 live shows I've been to in Glasgow. :sad: Half? Normally I'm really looking forward to these music gigs. But lately... :idontknow:

Ah mean, I'm going to see Iron Maiden tonight. Dinnae feel any excitement aboot it ataw. Third time seeing them in space o' 14 years.

Yet I'm more hyped about going to see KISS again in a few weeks time for the 2nd time within 7 years.

 

[theslowesthand]

Are they any good live nowadays? :question:

 

[Graeme1988]

Are they any good live nowadays? :question:

KISS are still put on the spectacular show, from what I've heard. It's been a long 7 years since I last seen them play live. But it'll no be long til the gig now, so ah'll tell ye in a few days if they're still any good. Also, ma sister wants me to attend the show in full KISS makeup. Which I said I'd do if she gets the makeup for it, and we settle on which design we want to do.


But as for Maiden... F**kin' hell! Those lads, despite being in their mid-60s age-wise, still perform with the same energy as they did back in the 80s. Not kidding, either.

Steve Harris running from either side of the stage, giving his machine-gun pose with his bass. Bruce, jump over the stage monitors, running about the stage with atheletic levels of stamina. Giving it "Scream for me Glasgow! Scream for me... Scotland!!" multiple time throughout the show and crowd just keep getting louder and louder, each time.

Janick Gers was as hyper as ever - beit, marching on the spot to some gallop riff, doing guitar flips round his body or him throwing his guitar in the air and catching it. And Nicko, well he had permenant grinning smilling on his face everytime the camera caught a gimpse of him behind his massive drumkit.

Best version of Eddie I've seen in all the time I've seen Maiden live. Y'know how he usually always comes out during a song? And band run about hitting him. The animatronic were step up from the last tour. Because they'd actually built it so the head would move better and put the hands could be controlled better. This point was proven when Eddie stood in the middle of the stage and flipped off the crowd to a massive cheer. :bigsmile:

Oh, there was even crowd-surfing. And mosh-pits broke out twice during the night. The first one occurred just 3 songs in, though it was a Maiden classic. So, y'know... Then during Maiden's namesake tune. Like as soon the the drums kick in at the start of Iron Maiden, the crowd in the middle of the standing area just went mental. And our seats were up in the balcony so we had a perfect view of the mayhem.

The stage set was like something you'd see in an Indiana Jones movie.

Ah got quite emotional for me during the song Blood Brother, mainly because the story behind it. Since Steve Harris wrote it after his dad passed away.

 

[Graeme1988]

Though, Fear of the Dark never disappoints - goosebumps every time when the crowd starting singing along to the guitar melodies.

Despite this was pretty much the view of the stage that me, my mum, oldest sister and her boyfriend had of the stage.
Except our seats were on the opposite, right-hand side:

But I made the exception cuz it's Maiden, y'know? So, my fear of heights be damned.
Is that normal, that someone who's quite tall - like myself - isn't great when it comes to heights? :thinking: :idontknow: